“And it’s crazy. No one offers to buy me shit. I mean, Arlo does, but that’s it.” He turns to look at me. “You picked us up in this big, fancy truck and then took us right to the store and bought us suitcases. My stupid suitcase was almost a hundred dollars.”
“It wasn’t that big of a deal,” I defend quietly.
“It’s more than a week’s worth of groceries for me and Nor.” His words stop me dead. “Arlo used to send us a hundred dollars a week. I could get all the food we needed and extras with that same amount of money. You spent a whole week’s worth of grocery money on a fucking container for clothes. I haven’t even touched that thing since we got here. What am I gonna use it for?”
I stare at him in stunned silence. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about that.”
“And then,” he says, rambling on like I didn’t even say anything, “you tell us to pick snacks at the gas station—whatever we want. Then McDonald’s. Then you take us home, and your door hasbuttons. You have to type in a code to get inside. And we have our own rooms, and they’re nice. I’ve never had a bed that nice. Never.”
I swallow, my throat convulsing.
“Then you wanna get us phones and a fucking pool? It’s all just so crazy. Then you took us to that restaurant. Over two weeks’ worth of grocery money on one meal.”
Fuck. That really is kind of crazy when I look at it through his eyes. “I’m really sorry, Salem. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just… I want to spoil you. All of you. And money is…” I wave a hand in the air. “It’s just a thing. It’s nothing to me.”
He nods. “I know. But it’s not nothing to me.” Those simple words humble me almost more than anything else I’ve ever heard in my life. “I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate you, because I do. But what happens when you get tired of us, y’know?”
“That’s not going to happen,” I say automatically.
Salem shoots me a glare. “We’re trash, and you’re not.”
For the first time since I got to the barn, a rush of anger washes over me. “You’re not trash, Salem. Don’t say that shit.”
He blinks at me. “It’s the truth.”
“It’s not the truth. It couldn’t be further from the truth.”
He sighs. “Okay, fine. It’s not the truth. Whatever. But what happens if it is? Then what? Nor is doing good. She’s happy. She fits in. I don’t…” My heart aches at the raw pain in his voice. “I’m not good enough for you. Like Nora is.”
All the air gets sucked out of my lungs at those words. “What do you mean you’re not good enough for me?”
Salem sniffles. “I don’t fit into the family you’re building with Arlo.”
“What? Yes, you do.”
How in the fuck did I mess everything up so badly? How did I make him believe he wasn’t good enough for me?
“I’m scared to make friends,” he whispers. “I want to, but I try to make friends, and then I have to move again. And I have to start all over. I don’t wanna keep starting all over.”
“You don’t have to,” I choke out. “Never again. This is your home now. Always. Forever. I’m sorry it took us so long, but you’re here now, and we want you to be.Iwant you to be.”
He’s crying now, tears dripping from his eyes and rolling down his face before falling into his lap. “Not just Nora?”
“Not just Nora.” My throat’s aching. I can take a lot. But I can’t take this. Not a single fucking second of it.
I reach out, hooking an arm around Salem and pulling him into me.
He comes willingly, pressing his face into my shoulder as he breaks down. His back heaves, gasping sobs leaving him as my heart cracks right down the middle.
“I love you, Salem. I love you, and I love your sister, and I want us to be a family now. I want us to be a family next year. I want to be front and center, screaming at the top of my lungs as you walk across the stage at graduation.” He shakes against me, his sobs tearing right through my heart, making my eyes well upwith tears. “I want to see you get married one day—if you want that for yourself. I want to teach you how to drive, and I want to be there for all your big and little moments.”
“Really?” he gasps, his voice broken and raspy.
“Really.” My tears finally spill over, dripping into his hair. “I want everything, Salem. Always. And it doesn’t matter how snarky you are or how bratty or how many times you snap at me. Fuck. Cuss me out. Scream at me. I don’t care.” I squeeze him tighter, rubbing a hand up his back. “I’m not going anywhere. I told you once before, kid—I don’t scare easy. I’m not going anywhere. Never. I love you.”
He rubs his face against my shoulder. “I love you too. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
I shush him quietly, rocking him in my arms as he sobs and gasps and shakes. I hold him through it all, my stomach twisting as he purges years of grief and pain. I hold him until his sobs taper off into soft cries. Until his soft cries fade into hiccuping whimpers. I hold him until my face is soaked in my tears and my shirt is soaked in his.
