I didn’t think I’d be able to provide that for them. And fuck, maybe I can’t. Maybe they’re better off where they are, and maybe they could get adopted and be in loving families.
But they belong with me.
They want to be with me.
I’ll work myself to the fucking bone if it means providing them with better.
I nearly jump out of my skin when the door opens and Jasper walks in.
Like always, I’m stuck in place, throat dry and eyes glues to him.
He looks awful. He doesn’t, really. He looks as fucking incredible as he always does, but he looks tired and sad. As tired and sad as I feel. This week has been so fucking hard. But it’s what I need to get used to.
Staying the night with him won’t be an option when I have two kids at home. Showing up at his house at midnight is out too.
No matter how much I love him. No matter how much he loves me. My life isn’t the life he wants. He’s made that clear. And maybe it’s my own fault for not telling him sooner. Maybe we wouldn’t be standing across from one another in the diner, staring at each other in obvious pain, if I had just been upfront. It’s too late to do anything about that now.
“Theo,” I call out, not taking my eyes off Jasper. “Your table.”
Then I tear out of the dining room and into the alley through the kitchen like my ass is on fire. Not before I catch sight of the devastation on Jasper’s face, though.
I drop against the wall, bracing my elbows on my knees. The brick digging into my back grounds me as I bury my face in my hands and inhale deep breaths.
The door slams open, and two sets of footsteps sound out beside me.
“Arlo?” Theo asks, concern clear in his voice.
Luca kneels in front of me, his feet close to mine. “What’s going on?”
I inhale another breath, afraid that if I open my mouth, I’m going to break down.
“Arlo?” Theo asks again. “What’s wrong? Did he hurt you?”
His voice is tinged with anger, and it makes my heart flail helplessly in my chest. Jasper would never hurt me.
“He wouldn’t,” Luca says.
Bingo.
I finally lift my head. “No. He didn’t hurt me.” The opposite. I hurt him. Can’t you all see that on his face? “I can’t see him right now.”
If I do, I’m gonna lose my shit.
Theo and Luca share a glance that makes me feel very small and very young. Like I’m some child they have to look after.
“Why not?” Luca asks.
I drop my head again, my eyes burning. If I’m gonna cry, I’m not gonna let them see it. That would be the worst.
Theo clears his throat. “I’ll go tell him that if he wants to eat, he’ll have to deal with me.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
The door to the diner opens, then closes, and I’m left alone with Luca.
“Are you okay?”
I nod, since that’s all I can do without crying.
