My heart lurches. “What are they like?”
Arlo’s brows draw together. “What do you mean?”
“Salem and Nora,” I prompt. “What are they like?”
After searching my eyes for what feels like forever, Arlo sighs. “Amazing. Nora is so smart. She gets all A’s. She has since she started school. She’s sweet. Sensitive. I don’t get to talk to her as much as I’d like, but she’s really excited about coming to live with me. And Salem—he’s… strong. He’s had to be. He’s protective and a little stubborn, but he has a huge heart.”
Something seems to take over Arlo when he’s talking about his siblings. His voice strengthens, and his tone becomes a little more fierce.
And something about that—about seeing that shift—makes my heart ache. Arlo’s been hiding this from me. From everyone. And I love him. I love him so much. I love the way he sounds when he talks about them; it’s like seeing a whole new side of him. But it also hurts. It hurts so goddamn much.
“Can I hold you?” I ask, my voice frantic even to my own ears.
Arlo’s eyebrows shoot up. “What?”
“I haven’t had you in my arms in over a week, baby boy. It’s fucking hell on earth. I want to hold you.”
I lift my arm, holding my breath as Arlo stares at me before finally moving across the couch and leaning into my side. He drapes his legs over mine, then rests his head against my chest. I’m sure it’s not the most comfortable position, but my soul instantly calms at his proximity. His scent floods my senses, and the warmth of his body soothes the ragged edges of my heartbreak.
It’s strange… being hurt by someone but still feeling like only they can make it better.
When I’m a little calmer, I rest my hand on his thigh. “How long have they been in foster care?”
“Over a year.” He sounds ashamed. “I’ve been trying to get them for a while. It’s… it’s why I was so hesitant to start something with you. I knew I needed to focus on them, and hooking up with you, taking that for myself—it felt… I don’t know. Selfish, I guess.” He sighs, his body almost trembling. “But I just… I couldn’t stay away. I’ve had feelings for you for a long time.”
I cup his face, tilting it back so I can look at him. Fear flashes in his eyes, and it makes my heart ache even more. This sucks. And I’m not sure what’s worse. That I can’t immediately fix his fears, or that this is the first time he’s told me about this—the first time that he’s opened up to me like this.
I don’t think I realized until this very moment how much I longed for that.
“I’ve had feelings for you for a long time too, baby boy. Almost since the very beginning.”
He nods, his eyes falling shut. “That’s what made it so scary. I thought I couldn’t have you. And then, there you were. Mine.” My heart thumps. Damn right, I’m his. “Only I didn’t think I was allowed to have you. So I took you in the only way I thought I could.”
I press a soft kiss to his lips. “And if you could have me in other ways? What does that look like?”
Arlo inhales deeply. “All the things you said earlier. I want all those things too. I—” He shakes his head, then lowers his voice. “I know the kids change things… but I—”
He stops abruptly, shaking his head again, almost helplessly.
He’s right. It changes things. But, really… it’s not even the kids. It’s that he didn’t talk to me. He didn’t trust me.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” I ask softly.
Arlo’s eyebrows draw together in confusion. “You want me to? But… but what about the kids?”
I already know nothing will change how I feel about Arlo, and maybe things will look different for us, but right now… Right now I just have an awful ache in my chest, the raw pain of how much I missed him. And even though I’m also hurt that he essentially lied to me for almost a year, it’s nothing compared to the ache of missing him.
“We can talk more about the kids tomorrow if that’s okay. I just missed you so much.” My eyes burn, and at my words, tears well up in Arlo’s. “I’m not saying no. I just… I want to sleep on it. And I want to sleep with you.”
He bites his lower lip. “Are you upset with me?”
The question is whisper-soft, and I answer in the only way I can—with total honesty. “I’m hurt.” Panic flashes in his gaze. “ButI’m also exhausted and heartsick, and for some reason, you’re the only thing that can help the ache.”
He nods slowly. “I really want to stay with you. I—I know I should have told you. I should have done a lot of things differently, but I can’t change that now.”
“I know, baby boy,” I say with a sigh. And I do. He can’t change the past any more than I can.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I hope one day you can forgive me, even if you don’t want to be with me anymore.”
