The ache in my chest deepened.She'd been gone seventeen years, but the wound was still fresh.Raw.
Dad and I hadn't seen each other since last year's anniversary.But he was trying, so I guessed I should too.
“Sure, Dad.We can do that.I can meet you there around four if that works.”
“Sounds good, kid.”
I hung up the phone, heavy gloom settling over me.Seventeen years.Seventeen birthdays and holidays without her gentle smile, warm hugs, and unwavering love.The ache never fully subsided.It was a constant companion that ebbed and flowed like the tide.
Rising from Olivia's chair, I walked over to the window, gazing toward the downtown skyline.The lights twinkled against the inky black sky.How different would my life be if she were still here?Would I have learned to open my heart, to let people in, to love without fear?
Olivia had a way of making me feel seen, understood, even when I tried my hardest to push her away.But the idea of letting her get close, of exposing the scars and vulnerabilities I kept hidden, terrified me.
I clenched my jaw and turned away from the window.Letting my guard down wasn’t an option, not even for Olivia.The risk of losing someone else, of enduring that pain again, was too great.I had to keep my distance, no matter what my heart wanted.
* * *
I arrivedat the cemetery and spotted my father's truck already parked near the entrance.Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself and stepped out of the car.
The gravel crunched under my feet as I trudged down the familiar path.Dad stood by Mom's headstone, his shoulders hunched, hands shoved deep in his pockets.As I approached, he turned, offering a weak smile.
“Hey, Son.”
“Hey, Dad.”
We stood for a while without speaking, the weight of seventeen years pressing down on us.I kneeled to brush away some leaves that had collected on the granite surface.
“I brought her favorites.”Dad gestured toward a small bouquet of sunflowers.
I nodded, my throat tight.“She always loved those.”
As we arranged the flowers, memories flooded back.Mom's carefree giggle, the way she'd dance around the kitchen while making breakfast, her fierce hugs that convinced me I could conquer the world.
“She'd be proud of you, Carter.The man you've become, the work you're doing.”
“I hope so.”
We fell into silence again, each lost in our own thoughts.The sun dipped lower on the horizon, casting long shadows across the cemetery grounds.
I watched Dad's weathered hands move to the chain around his neck, his fingers absently tracing the outline of Mom's engagement ring hidden beneath his shirt.
Most of the time, I tried not to think about the depth of his grief.He'd never remarried, never even dated as far as I knew.Mom had been it for him, his one great love.
“You still wear it,” I said, nodding toward the chain.
He smiled sadly.“Always.”
“I miss her,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
Dad nodded, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder.“Me too, son.Every damn day.”
I stared at Mom's headstone, my eyes tracing the familiar curves of her name, and a memory floated to the surface of my mind.
Mom was having a good day, so I decided to hang back while my friends went camping in Mel’s backyard.It was summer; there’d be plenty of other opportunities to camp.But I never knew when Mom would have another good day.
“Wanna watch a movie?”I asked her.
“Sure, sweetie!I’ll make popcorn.”
