I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help smiling.
MEGHAN
Maybe go buy yourself a new toy.
A sex toy?The idea both terrified and intrigued me.
OLIVIA
A toy?I wouldn't even know where to look!
MEGHAN
I'll text you the address of a great shop.The staff are super friendly and discreet.No judgment, I promise.
I took a deep breath, gathering my courage.I can do this.
OLIVIA
Okay.I'll give it a try.Thanks, Meg.
MEGHAN
You've got this, Liv!And remember, this is for you.No pressure, just exploration and hopefully some relief.
I pocketed my phone.This wasn't about finding a new man or replacing Ethan.It was about taking care of myself, medically and emotionally.
As I drove toward Carter's, I felt a spark of excitement beneath my apprehension.This might be the first step towards reclaiming not just my health, but a part of myself I'd forgotten.
* * *
I parkedmy car on Carter’s street, and as I climbed out, a sharp pain shot through my pelvis.I doubled over but quickly righted myself, eager to get inside and out of view of nosey neighbors.
The house was empty; Carter had texted earlier to tell me he was taking Pete to a lunch meeting.Perfect.
After a quick glance around to make sure he wasn’t lurking in some corner, I snuck off to the bathroom.The door clicked shut behind me and I leaned against it for a moment to steady myself.This was it.Time to try Dr.March's ‘self-care’ suggestion.This is for my health.Nothing to be embarrassed about.
I hiked up my skirt and planted one foot on the toilet seat, bracing myself against the wall.My fingers trembled as I slipped them beneath the waistband of my panties.It had been so long since I'd touched myself like this.Since before the miscarriages, before Ethan's betrayal.
I screwed my eyes shut, pushing those thoughts away and tried to conjure up an image to fuel my fantasy.My fingers moved in slow circles, teasing and exploring.
In my mind's eye, a man's hands replaced my own.Large, capable hands with long fingers and a gentle touch.He knew exactly how to please me, how to coax my body to respond.
My breathing grew ragged as pleasure built within me.I imagined strong arms holding me close.A deep voice whispering encouragement in my ear.The scent of sandalwood and coffee.
Wait.Sandalwood and coffee?
My eyes flew open.The fantasy man in my head wasn't some nameless Adonis.It was Carter.My boss.The man whose bathroom I was currently getting myself off in.
Oh God.
My body didn’t care that this was wildly inappropriate.If anything, knowing it was Carter in my fantasy only intensified things.I was too far gone to stop now.
I squeezed my eyes shut again and imagined his steely gray eyes, the way his forearms looked when he rolled up his sleeves.The sound of his deep, rumbling laugh.How he looked at me sometimes when he thought I wasn't paying attention.
My fingers moved faster.In my mind, Carter's hands roamed my body, his lips trailing kisses along my neck.I imagined running my fingers through his hair, pressing myself against his broad chest.
The tension inside me built to a crescendo.I came undone with a strangled cry.Waves of pleasure washed over me as I sagged against the wall, trembling.
