Foster
After spending time with Briar in his studio, I recognized the possibilities of breath work. His explanation made sense, when I thought about it. While we drove out to the wild area to run, he’d talked a little more about the physical, mental, and emotional changes that happened in breath work. I’d assumed it as the same as meditation, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Something the omega was very glad to clear up.
“In meditation, you are passively observing your breath, letting it happen. Without trying to control it. Although the session you attended involved a little guided meditation, that was just to relax the group, to take everyone together to a new place where we could have an experience.”
“It was effective.”
“Thank you,” he said. “But then we got into the real work. There are a number of techniques that can be used. The one we shared is called box breathing, and it’s one of my favorites to use with beginners. It helps lower cortisol, relax muscle tension, a whole array of benefits. You inhale, hold, exhale, hold, all to the same count. Sometimes it’s four or five, or even seven. Depends on the practitioners.”
“You know, I think once you got to the counting part, I wasn’t really paying that much attention. The first time, at least. When we did it together, just us…I felt like we’d joined in some way, breathing as one. Now who’s all woo-woo?”
“Nobody.” He smiled softly. “Under certain circumstances, there are other levels, it seems. I felt it, too.”
We were pulling up in front of his place at this point, but I hated for the conversation to end. But it was getting late, so I settled for walking him to his door and sharing another kiss. Ifwe were mates, and my deer was certain of the fact, we’d have time for more.
But the person I’d been was not an alpha who could be any kind of a mate for anyone. I’d been tense, exhausted, and focused on nothing but school and work. Sure, I could give myself some grace because I’d struggled hard to get to where I was, but now, with an omega who would have every right to expect my time and attention, and that I be a worthy alpha, it was time to change.
The next evening, I realized once again that making changes in my life was not going to be easy. I still had to balance the last of school and my job. I still couldn’t give up either because my job relied on my getting that degree. And I wouldn’t be much of an alpha if I didn’t do my best to provide for my omega and any young that might come from the union. What omega would have me as an indigent alpha?
I’d never be able to live with myself.
But if the healer was right, my lifestyle had been doing so much damage, I wasn’t sure I’d survive long enough to finish any of it. I’d been living with constant pain and aches, gritting my teeth and promising a future when things would be a little easier. But the future had arrived sooner than I expected, bringing with it the omega Fate intended for me.
I wondered why Fate did that. Wouldn’t it have been just as easy for the omega to come into my life in a year when I’d be in a better position to court him? These thoughts all had me tensing up again. I couldn’t get enough air, and my throat seemed to close. Panic swirled inside me, and for a moment, I didn’t know what to do.
I stared down at my laptop screen and tried to summon calm. And then…I knew what I had to do. Closing the lid, I ended my business and school day earlier than usual and went into the kitchen to brew a cup of mint tea. Carrying it outside, I sat inone of the two chairs on the balcony and set the cup on the small table between the seats.
“You can do this.” Box breathing. The only technique I even had a clue about, but according to both the healer Quinn and Briar, it would cure a lot of what ailed me. So, I decided to try a count of five and inhaled. I didn’t have the skill or imagination to start with the scene setting the omega did. He was marvelous at the whole thing, but I’d have to go with the beauty of the landscape that really was there.
Holding my breath, I counted to five then exhaled. I tried for five, but my pathetic effort had not brought in enough air, and I barely made it to three. Resting for the full count, I started out again. After a few tries, I got a little better, and eventually got so focused that I began to succeed. I did it with the determination I used on everything else that mattered in my life, and when I stopped a half hour or so later, breath work had joined my priorities.
I followed the breath work with a short run as my deer and an early bedtime. Just what the healer ordered. I couldn’t kid myself that I’d do this every night, but it sure felt good.
Maybe my priorities needed some reorganizing.
Chapter Twelve
Briar
I had a new favorite class. More than the sunrise meditation. More than the breathing workshops.
Kids’ yoga.
Those little beasts were hilarious. They came up with questions and chattered on even during quiet moments. They flopped on the floor and tumbled. Wiggles. Goodness, all of them had varying degrees of the wiggles.
And the tiny yoga farts. Okay, some were not tiny at all. And every time, it started a chain of giggles that usually lasted through the class.
There was one kid who took yoga seriously. Stuck out his tongue while he contorted, grunting, trying to get it right. Henry was first to class and begged his fathers to buy him a T-shirt and a bag. This afternoon, we had our first after-school yoga session where he showed off his new yoga mat with a strap.
He made me want a son of my own. Or a daughter.
Foster and I hadn’t talked about it. Not even a hint of it. I didn’t even know if he wanted kids.
“Mr. Briar.” Henry tugged on the hem of my sweatshirt after class.
I crouched down to talk to him. “What’s up, buddy? You did so well today. Great warrior pose.”
He beamed. “My dads were telling me that you have breathing classes. Like for calming down. Are those only for grown-ups?”
