Why do I make a habit of falling for women who don’t want me? How fucked up is that…
As I lean with my hands on my bench, I glance down at the inside of my bicep. Daisy’s tattoo has faded very little over time, much like her memory. Some of my tattoos have deep meaning behind them, and some don’t. It’s been a while since I had Raina ink my body, and I think it’s about time I let her do it again.
I just need to feel something other than this emotional pain that won't subside.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
B
As I set out my water bottle, my laptop, and my sketch pad on the desk, a few students trickle in. Some of them I recognize, some are new. The ones that know me from last class say hello, and I introduce myself to the new ones who don't. There’s one student I’m most anxious to see, but she hasn’t arrived yet.
When I saw Clover’s name on the class list, I almost turned Liam down. Last minute, Briar got sick, and since Evie is working late, he either had to cancel the class or convince me to sub. I reluctantly agreed, but I’m praying that Kass isn’t going to be picking her up tonight.
There have been a handful of classes so far this session, and a few times Clover has texted me a picture of what she’s working on. I’m always friendly and supportive when I reply, but if I’m being completely honest, itkillsme that my opinion matters so much to her. I want so badly to be her biggest cheerleader and gush over how amazing her work is, but I keep it to a minimum because I can’t handle the idea of her needing me.
I almost texted her and told her I was subbing for Liam today, but I didn’t want to risk Kass finding out and going out of his way to pick her up so he can see me. Maybe he’s mad enough at me that he wouldn’t bother doing that, but I couldn’t risk it. Seeing Clover today is enough to send me into a tiny panic, without the added complication of her father, who drives me absolutely crazy.
Then tell me why, when I see her walk through the door with her adorable Wednesday Adams backpack, my heart melts a little. She doesn’t notice me at first, so I play it cool. I fiddle with my sketch pad and pretend to be testing out my pens.
“No way.” Her declaration is followed by a shrill shriek, and quick footsteps headed my way across the floor.
She runs right to my desk and throws her arms around me. I reciprocate the hug and hold onto her tight.
Eventually, she lets go and steps back. “Oh. My. God. I can’t believe you’re here!” She’s bouncing from foot to foot, unable to contain her excitement.
“Liam’s baby got sick, so he asked me to come help out for the night while he takes care of her.”
“Baby Briar is sick? Oh no.”
“You know Briar?”
“Mhm. Liam brought her to class last week. She’s so tiny and so cute.” Her pitch rises as she taps her fingers together and scrunches her shoulders as if she can’t contain herself over the thought of Briar’s cuteness. “Gah! Those little fingers and tiny toes. I can’t handle it!”
I laugh at the grand theatrics before me. Shit, I think I really missed this kid. Seeing her joy and excitement for life is something to be admired, especially now that I know about her past.
A thought pops in my head, and I’m not sure if it’s aquestion I’m asking for her or for myself. “Do you ever wish you had a little sibling?”
If she says yes, then I can justify to myself that leaving Kass was best for everyone, including Clover. I’m not going to be a step-mom who could give her a sibling. That’s not something I want.
“No way.” She must read the confusion on my face because she explains. “I love being my daddy’s number one gal. You think I want to risk having a little sibling that he likes better? No, thank you! I’ve seen it happen to my friends at school. A little sibling comes along andbam!” She claps her hands in front of our faces, startling me slightly. “They end up at the bottom of the toad pole.”
My lips press tight together as I try my best to hold back a laugh. “Do you mean totem pole?”
“Yeah, that.”
Interesting... But it doesn’t change anything.
“Alright, enough chatting. Go get yourself set up. Class is going to start in,” I check the clock on the wall, “five minutes.”
She jumps at me, wrapping her arms around my neck, once again. “I missed you.”
I pat her back and remind her to get moving, without returning the sentiment. She runs over to her usual spot in the corner and starts pulling her supplies out of her bag.
Despite actively trying not to think about him these past couple of months, Kass creeps into my thoughts again. I wonder how Clover will feel when, someday, Kass does find someone. Is she not going to be his number one anymore? Will it hurt her? Will she be resentful? Will she feel like he’s trying to replace Daisy?
The endless sinking pit in my stomach continues to pullme further into these thoughts, despite the fact that they only hurt me. The thought of Kass moving on…
I drop my pen when I feel something sharp stabbing into my fingertip. “Ouch.” I try to wipe the ink off my thumb from where I was just shoving it into the tip of my pen. Some of it smears, but what’s left behind is a black indentation.
