"After thinking about it, it really isn't applicable."
My sister is closing off on me, and my patience is starting to wear thin. "Lou! Just fucking say it."
"Can we talk real for a second without you shutting down?"
"Of course."
She looks at me sideways like she doesn't believe me, but she takes a breath and starts anyway. "I think that you don't even realize how you feel about him, and I'm afraid that you might realize it too late and hurt your own feelings.
"Lou, do you even know me? There's literally no chance of that happening for so many reasons. The biggest onebeing that I don't care about people like that. I'm not you. I don't pine after a guy after one date."
Oh shit...
She can't even look me in the eye right now. The silence that follows fills the car like a shrill scream.
"Shit. I'm sorry, Lou. I didn't mean that in a bad way. You know I love Sam and that I love the two of you together. That shit's just not for me. That's all I meant."
"That's why I didn't want to say anything." Her voice is hushed, but laced with an annoyance only a big sister can feel toward their younger sibling.
"You're right. I begged you to say it." I find her knee and place my hand there. "I'm sorry. I'm just sick of everyone trying to play matchmaker for me. You all know who I am, so why all of a sudden are you guys so interested in tying me down?"
"We just want you to be happy, and you've been acting a little differently with this one. We just wanted to help you understand and accept these new feelings."
"Iamhappy, Lou. I'm perfectly happy living my life the way I have been."
"I know. I'm sorry." She places her hand over mine and gives it a little squeeze.
I reciprocate the affection by leaning my head over on her shoulder. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Iris throws an arm around each of us and kisses our cheeks one at a time. "And I love both of you!"
As I stepinto the apartment, I feel a pang of something in my chest. It's foreign to me. Shit, first my stupidheart flutters, now this. There are too many new feelings in one evening.
Sadness? No.
Anger? No.
Loneliness... Maybe?
The apartment is dark and quiet, minus the sounds of the city outside. Fia is off with a girl from the bar that we met on the dance floor. They invited me to join them, but like I told Lou, I just wasn't feeling it. I couldn't get my mind off Kass and Clover, and I refuse to think of him while some other girl is fucking me.
Fuck. I've never let someone else sway my decisions and ruin my night like that. I can usually brush things off so easily.
Seeing him at class really shook me, more than I cared to admit to anyone tonight. Maybe it's the alcohol, but something has me in my feels right now—a place I'm painfully unfamiliar with.
I hate not being fully honest with the women in my life that I love and trust so much, but if I'm being honest, I was a little scared. I've avoided feelings like this for so long that I’m not sure how to handle them. I thought it would be safer to handle them by myself, on my own time. But now that I'm alone, I think that I don't want to. Since I'm a stubbornly prideful person, there's no way I'm asking Lou to turn around and come back here, and calling Fia is out of the question. I'm not desperate enough to ruin her night.
Lucky for me, I have a perfect option right in this building.
I lock my door behind me and run up the stairs. I knock on Iris and Bear's door, probably a little too loud for this time of night. I know she'll be up. I literally saw her two minutes ago.
They're taking longer than I'd like, so I knock again. As my fist goes to bang on the door a third time, it flies open, and I almost smack an annoyed-looking Bear with my balled-up fist.
"It's about time you answered." I barge in before I even get an invitation. "What, were you guys already fucking or something?"
Iris stumbles out into the living room, pulling her pants up and over her ass. She's panting like she's out of breath. "Or something."
