"Jade is the reason Daisy isn't alive."
Blake gasps. Not in a dramatic way, but a true guttural reaction to the shocking confession.
"I guess you could argue she's partially responsible, but we'll never know the full truth. All I know is that Jade was driving the car that night when they crashed."
"I thought you said it was a drunk driver that hit her?"
"Because it was. A drunk driver was heading in the opposite direction from the girls. Jade was turning left on a road that didn't have a light or a stop sign. He hit the back of their car going 70 miles an hour. The car spun, and Daisy was ejected from the car, likely due to a faulty seatbelt in that old piece of junk they shared."
"And you think Jade should have seen him coming?"
"I know that intersection. I drove past it every time I brought Clover to their apartment. There wasn't anythingthat would have obstructed her view. She should have seen his headlights."
"Maybe she thought she could make it? You know, didn't realize how fast he was going."
"No, Blake, she didn't see him coming because she was absolutely shit faced. Jade's had a drug and drinking problem for as long as I've known her. I just never thought she'd be stupid enough to put people's lives at risk like that."
She stares at me, and I can see the wheels turning in her head. "Did she get arrested?"
"No."
"I'm sorry, I don't get it. If she was under the influence, they would have?—"
"The cops thought Daisy was driving." Another moment of silence passes as I let Blake process the information. "When the car stopped spinning, Jade must have crawled out of it before the cops got there. All the windows were smashed, so it was hard for anyone to tell the difference. Plus, it was Daisy’s car they were driving. They figured out at the hospital that Jade was messed up, but she told them she was the passenger, so it didn't matter."
"Please don't hate me for asking this. I'm just trying to fully understand. And I have a tendency to believe women over men. No offense. How do you know Jade wasn't the passenger like she said she was?"
"It's a fair question. I know because a few minutes before they crashed, Daisy sent me a selfie of her and Jade in the car, letting me know she was on her way home. I had Clover that night and was supposed to drop her off with Daisy the next morning. We always kept each other updated if one of us was out late and wasn't going to make it home. You know, so we could sleep in and drop Clover off later, giving each other time to get home andcure our hangovers before we got Clover. Ironically, she was letting me know that she was going to be making it home safely. They were only a couple of blocks from her apartment."
"And now you're the only one who knows the truth about Jade being the driver." She wasn't asking a question, which tells me that she believes me.
"Yeah."
"Why haven't you told anyone?"
"Daisy's gone either way. And like Jade said, even though I haven't let her see Clover much these past couple of years, she’s still a big part of her life, and I don't want Clover to have to grow up with trust issues because of it. It's easier for her to blame a man she doesn't know."
"I'm not a parent, so I'm not going to pretend like I understand that, but from what I've seen, you're a really great dad. I know you're doing what you think is best for Clover." She puts her hand on my knee, and I cover it with mine. "Does Cloverwantto see Jade?"
"I think at first it was hard for her to see Jade because every time she saw Jade before the accident, it was with Daisy around. The association was just too strong, and it was difficult for her. Now, she asks about her occasionally, but I'm just not ready to trust her. I'll never let Clover get in a car with her; that's for damn sure. Jade claims that she's gotten her shit together, but I just don't believe her. So every time Clover asks, I come up with an excuse for why it won't work."
"I get your reservations, I totally do. I'm not trying to invalidate them at all, but have you ever thought that maybe Clover wanting to spend time with Jade is her way of trying to heal? That maybe Jade is her biggest connection to her mom, and she feels like seeing Jade will make her feel closer to her?"
Now it's my turn to sit here with my wheels turning. Of course, I've thought of that, but being called out like this is making me confront my own bias like I haven't had to before.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm all for holding grudges and not trusting people. I'm the queen of that. But I also know that when I lost Harlen, I shut out everything that reminded me of him. But eventually, when I was ready, I sought out things that would bring his memory back. Maybe that's what Clover's trying to do with Jade."
I run my hand down my face. Fuck. I hate that she might be right. "You've definitely given me a lot to think about."
"Again, I'm not a parent, and I know I don't fully get it. So please just take what I said for whatever you feel it's worth."
My hand goes to her jaw, and I pull her in for a kiss. When our lips connect, I realize that I've never felt this close to anyone since Daisy. Other than Raina, but that's different. Raina is my sister, my family. My connection with Blake is unreal. I want to be around her all the time. I want to know everything about her, and I want her to know everything about me. I want to be her safe space, and I want her to be mine. Learning about Harlen and talking to her about Daisy could have been awkward, but it wasn't. It was as if we both knew that our souls needed those final puzzle pieces to fully connect us, to show us that we now have someone who understands, more than anyone ever has, what that loss feels like. That kind of connection is invaluable.
She kisses me back, so tenderly. Like she knows how fragile I am in this moment, and she doesn't want to break me. But at the same time, she wasn't afraid to ask the hardquestions and force me to challenge the attitude I've been sitting in for two years. Everyone else shies away from the topic of Daisy. And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'm only able to take that kind of confrontation from someone like Blake. Someone who is emotionally removed enough from the situation and isn't afraid to say what's on her mind, ever. Yet someone who knows this kind of pain and can handle it with an appropriate level of sensitivity.
When the kiss ends, I keep my face close to her for a little longer. I breathe her in and cup the side of her face, resting my forehead on hers. "Stay."
Chapter Twenty
