"Not really."
"Okay, well, hopefully you have enough room in your tummy for dinner because I'm making your favorite."
"Homemade pizza!?" She's practically buzzing in her seat.
"You betcha."
"Piiiiizzaaaaaa!"She shakes her fists in the air while she screams her battle cry, and I can't help but laugh.
I love this kid.
"I'm glad you're excited about that. I thought maybe we could invite your Auntie Jade over to have pizza with us."
Her ears perk up, and she looks over at me with big eyes. "Really?"
After my chat with Blake this morning, I did some serious reflecting. In the end, I decided that Blakemay be right; maybe Clover needs time with Jade to heal. She's been having more episodes recently where she bursts into tears at the littlest reminders of her mother. It's worth a shot.
"Would you like that?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay. I'll text her and see if she's free."
"Yay! I'm going to clean my room so I can show it to her."
"Works for me."
She runs off, and I'm left sitting on the couch with my own thoughts. Blake's words ring in my head. Have I been depriving Clover of something she needed to help her heal from the loss of her mom? Would Daisy be pissed at me if she knew I wasn't allowing her best friend to see her daughter? Every decision I've made on Clover's behalf for the last two years runs through my head on a conveyor belt as I assess them one by one. I keep score of how shitty a parent I am for making each of them. I run my hands through my hair and pull on it. Have I been fucking this whole thing up?
I get out my phone and call the only other single parent I know, hoping for some answers.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Raina. Are you and Winnie free tonight?"
"Ummm, we're currently at the mall, but we don't have anything planned after."
"Would you guys want to come over for pizza later?"
"Sure. Any particular reason?"
"Umm..." Fuck, how does she know me so well?
"I only ask because you sound a little stressed."
"Oh, you know, I'm just questioning everything I do as a parent and wondering if I'm ruining Clover's life."
"Wow, that sounds very dramatic. We'll be there, and I'll bring some beers. Sounds like you need one."
That's an understatement. "Got anything stronger?"
"Of course I do."
"Hey, Raina... There's one more thing."
"What's up?"
"Jade is going to be here."
