My joke lands well, and he runs his hand through his messy hair. "Yeah, I didn't get much sleep last night."
Did he lose sleep overme? I brush the thought from my mind. He has a child, and he runs a business. There are plenty of things for him to be stressed about. It's pretty narcissistic of me to assume I'm the culprit.
"I didn't sleep well either." Okay, I have no idea why I said that. Sure, I stayed up a little later than usual, staring up at my ceiling, but once I actually fell asleep, I slept fine. It felt like the polite thing to say.
"I don't really know how to ease into this, so I'm just going to jump right into it."
I nod, encouraging him to continue so I don't have to say anything.
"I know that something I said freaked you out. I'm not dumb, Blake."
"You want to know what freaked me out?"
"I do."
"When you said you only wanted to be with me, I kind of panicked."
"Why?"
"That's just not… I don't… Why would you say that?"
"Because it's how I feel. It doesn't need to add pressure."
"Of course it adds pressure, Kass."
"No, me telling you I have feelings for you would add pressure."
I'm taken aback by his words and stunned into silence for a brief moment. "Do you?"
"Of course I do."
"Kass..." I grumble. "See, this is what I wanted to avoid. How can you expect me to continue whateverthisis whenyou're developing feelings for me that I'm not capable of reciprocating?"
"You're wrong."
"Excuse me?"
"Youarecapable of reciprocating them, you're just scared to."
"No, Kass, you don't get it. I am literally incapable of developing and maintaining those types of feelings for anyone. It's never happened."
"Because you don't allow it to. And you told me you felt them once."
A sinking feeling takes over me as I remember the stories we shared in the tub, how I opened up to him and told him things I never talk to anyone about. I hope that Fia truly does have her headphones on right now, because this isn't something I want to hash through with anyone.
"That was different. I was in high school, and I didn't even know the weight of those emotions. I'm not even sure I really lov—” I catch myself before that dreaded word slips. “I'm not sure I even cared for him like that."
"Of course you did. Sure, it was probably on a different level than what you could feel as an adult, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you loved him as much as you were capable of back then."
"Why are you even trying to compare that to this anyway? We've known each other for a little over two months. You're moving this way too fucking fast."
"I know how I feel, Blake. Some people are just capable of getting there faster than others."
"And some of us aren't capable of it at all."
"Would you quit saying that? You act like you're some broken little girl, and you're not."
"Are you trying to start afight?"
