The dog’s owner used one of her handy plastic bags to gather up the shredded diaper but didn’t have proper control of the dog. Itjumped onto the seat next to Sky and jammed its snout in his face and slapped him with its fetid tongue.
“I’m going to be sick again.” Sky had eventually gotten off the train and heaved into a trash can on the platform.
“No, you’re not,” Kayla used a magazine to fan his face. “You survived, and the doctor said you didn’t catch anything from the dog or the diaper.”
“It took me six months to get on the train again. I had to take cabs and Ubers and you know how much I hate being in vehicles with strangers. Especially if they play music and try to talk to me. I can’t listen to music and talk at the same time.”
He had trouble filtering out background sounds and his focus was always drawn to screens and almost anything with flashing lights and numbers. His senses got overloaded, and he would zero in on just one stimulus, usually the flashing thing. If Kayla or another friend wasn’t with him, Sky kept his maps app open and watched the blue dot and followed the step-by-step directions until he arrived at his destination. Being aloof and looking intimidating kept most people out of his personal space and his business. Unfortunately, that didn’t work on dogs who liked rancid diapers.
“Who leaves a fucking diaper on the train?” Sky muttered in renewed disgust. “Whoever they are, I hope life shits all over them.”
“Agreed. I’m really proud of you for talking through that with your therapist and giving the train another chance.”
“I really like riding the train. It’s relaxing, when everyone is cool and there aren’t any dirty diapers. I don’t mind dogs, either, as long as I only have to touch them on the head and they don’t lick me or jump on me.”
“That’s pretty reasonable,” Kayla said. “What’s the plan, then, now that you’re back and he’s not allowed to contact you?”
Sky took a deep breath and let it out, grounding himself in the present and his surroundings. “I have to puteverythingwith Mason and Uncle Lance behind me. This mess with Mason made me realize that I want a happy life and a decent man of my own. I might even deserve them? I’ll never find out or find him if I don’t let go of Mason.”
“Okay! That sounds far less destructive than the way you usually handle a breakup. How can I help?”
“I need to get back to work and give myself some time to heal. Don’t worry if I don’t come out of my room for a month or only leave to go to the gym. But you must promise me that you will chain me to the radiator if you even suspect that I’ve looked at Grindr or I bring home another trash bag. I cannot be trusted, so I will only be dating men who meet with your approval.”
She cheered and threw her hands up. “Thank you, Gay Jesus! You have no idea how long I have been waiting to hear this.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
It had been almost two weeks since Sky had left but Mason hadn’t changed his bed linens. He usually washed everything on Mondays and Fridays but Mason wanted to fall asleep and wake up wrapped in Sky. The smell of his shampoo had already faded from the pillows and it had been days since Mason had caught a whiff of Sky’s scent on the sheets. But Sky had sweat and cried and he had come on those sheets and the duvet. They were like mementos that Mason didn’t want to give up.
That was actually gross and just generally unhealthy so Mason finally stripped the linens after getting out of bed that second Monday morning. In fact, the entire room was thoroughly cleaned, dusted, and vacuumed. When it was done, Mason sat on the end of the bed and tried to call Sky but it went to voicemail. All of Mason’s calls went to voicemail.
While he was staring at his phone, Mason deleted Grindr. His conscience and his gut told him to move on and let Sky go. But Mason’s soul screamed at the thought of doingthatwith anyone else. As much as he enjoyed sex and craved it now, it would feel like he was betraying his own heart if he gave his body to someone else.
Sex wouldn’t feel right with anyone else, now that Mason had shared his heart and his bed with Sky. No one else would do, and there was only one place where Mason wanted Sky: under his roof and inhisbed. Forever and always.
Desperate for any kind of contact, Mason opened his messages and sent Sky a text.
Mason Cartwright: I know you said not to call or text but I miss you and I miss your voice.
He wasn’t expecting a reply but Mason’s pulse raced when he saw three blinking dots.
Skylar Sutton: I have to move on. You have your perfect life and I deserve to be happy too.
“You do,” Mason agreed, his voice breaking as his eyes blurred. “It’s just… I love you too much.”
No matter how badly Mason wanted to do the right thing and let Sky go, his heartwouldn’t. It kept on beating for Sky, the way it always had. It couldn’t love anyone but him. Mason had tried with other men but?—
He stopped himself before he could finish the lie.
Mason hadnevertried with any of the other men he’d met in other towns. Sex with them had always been about Sky—what Mason would do if he was there and the things he’d show Sky if he had the chance. All he had ever wanted was to explore with Sky, and now that he had, Mason was done. He had seen and touched and tasted all he had dreamed of. There was no going back. No other man would do.
Anything less would feel empty and cheap. Mason had loved Sky with his entire being, not just his body and his heart. He had opened his soul to the first and only person he had ever truly desired, and it had felt so right and good. He couldn’t even comprehend the thought of anyone other than Sky.
But Mason had made promises, and he knew he was hurting Sky again.
Mason Cartwright: You do and I’m sorry. I know you need space so you can heal and move on but I think about you constantly. I worry about you and if you’re taking care of yourself.
This time, Mason didn’t have to wait long for a reply.
