Isat back with my tablet, clicking Dateline on while I worked on my next drawing.
Unlike all the other days I’d done this, today, I didn’t feel dull. Maybe what I was doing wasn’t all that different, but it didn’t feel as boring now. I suddenly felt oddly good about the pace of my life.
Things had changed, and this felt more like a break from the chaos more than another boring day of my life. The nagging need to find more excitement in my life finally quieted now that I was at least trying new things.
My dad stormed into the room, the anger etched on his face making me immediately shrink back into the couch. I hated when he was mad at me, and I knew I would always go overboard to make him not mad at me anymore, even when I didn’t want to.
“What happened at dinner last weekend?” my dad demanded, his voice icy as he stood in the doorway of the living room.
My stomach flipped, memories of every second with Rook flashing through my mind, but I tried to calm my face. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, why did one of my biggest clients just pull out of his contract, which had a large fee if he did so, because of you?”
“He said he did it because of me?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady, already knowing exactly who he meant. The guy I told we wouldn’t work with anymore because he liked underage girls.
“He did. Could you explain why and who went with you? Because I heard a few things about that, too.”
“Oh,” I said, my hands going clammy as I tried to think of any excuse. “I saw a friend when I got there, and we ended up hanging out most of the night.”
“And this friend’s name?” he pressed, his eyes narrowing.
I hesitated, unsure if I should tell him Rook’s name. Technically, my dad could be on the list of people Rook worked with. He could also be on the list of people Rook knew secrets about. Neither option seemed great.
“Jake,” I said, hoping the lie would hold. “I don’t know if you know him or not.”
“No. I don’t think I do. And he was causing trouble with you?”
“We were just having some fun. Some of those guys suck, and I politely pointed it out. We weren’t causing trouble.”
“We don’tpolitelypoint anything like that out, Regan. We keep our mouths shut and work. Those are men that give us business, and pay us to do business.”
“But what business are you wanting to do with disgusting old men?” I almost yelled, frustration bubbling over. “Protecting them or their stuff? That’s gross. Just let them fend for themselves if they are going to be disgusting. He’s a literal pervert. Why would you want to work with him?”
“If I cared about everything people did behind closed doors, I wouldn’t be able to make any money.”
My stomach churned. I had watched Rook stick a knife into a man’s neck and even he wouldn’t do business with this guy because of the terrible things he did. Rook couldn’t really have better morals than my dad, could he?
“So what? I’m just supposed to deal with these guys, knowing what they do behind closed doors? I’m supposed to find respect for them, knowing those things?”
“Yes, actually. You are, because you are no one to them. They have the power, not you. You are a damn spoiled little girl in comparison and they don’t care who the fuck you are when you bring their shit out into the open,” he yelled. I coiled back further, not expecting the angry, hateful tone. For all the things my dad did, he rarely screamed at me like this. His attacks were more calculated than uncontrolled rage. “You think they wouldn’t ruin you if you are trying to tell people their private business?”
I kept quiet, taking in the words that were exactly the opposite of what Rook told me. To him, the secrets were power. To my dad, they were ruination. I didn’t understand how two seemingly powerful men could have such a drastically different outlook on the same thing.
Rook had given me secrets, and the men seemed to run from me in fear of those secrets being told. To my dad, the secrets these men kept were power, but poweroverhim.
“I wasn’t trying to upset you. You should calm down before it causes you any issues.”
My head was swimming in information as my dad continued to yell at me.
I wondered if that was the difference between an upstanding business like my dad ran, compared to the less than legal business that Rook seemed to run.
I wasn’t sure, but I did know that he was calling me a spoiled little girl, and it was a harsh reminder that was all he saw me as.
“I don’t want to be a spoiled little girl. I’m an adult. I’m a full grown woman and I would like to be treated like one,” I demanded. “I have asked over and over to help you. I hate sitting around here. I hate that you’re hurt and suffering when I could help. I could help and do the right thing by you. I’mtrying. I want to learn, but if I’m kept in the dark with you and your company, there’s really nothing I can do.”
“And why the hell would I want to tell you anything if you insist on talking about business to others when you don’t even know what the fuck you are talking about?” he screamed. “Do you know how much money you cost me? How much we’ve lost now, thanks to you? Now, I’m the one that has to fly out, go to his boss, and try to fix this. Why did you think talking back was a good idea?”
“Because he’s gross, and… Jake said he wasn’t a great person.”
