A sudden thought struck him. If—when—Bingley married Miss Bennet, he would hear about Miss Elizabeth, even if he did not see her. That would be exceedingly painful. At the moment, it seemed impossible that he would ever cease to regret Miss Elizabeth. Until he reconciled himself to losing her, it might be necessary to avoid Bingley. While that would be unfortunate, his chief responsibility was to himself and his family, and he would be of no use to Georgiana or anyone else if he was mired in disappointment and misery. If he had to give up his friendship in order to recover, whether for a few months or forever, so be it. Bingley had many other friends and likely would not particularly miss him.
They moved into the drawing room. Darcy declined Miss Bingley’s various suggestions for how they could amuse themselves, and sat low in an armchair, sipping a cup of tea and praying it would soon be late enough for him to politely retire. The murmur of the Bingleys’ voices was too soft to disturb him, and his sight was hazy as he watched their shadowy forms.
He was happy for Bingley that he had found a lady such as Miss Bennet, who appeared as enamoured of him as he was of her. At the same time, Darcy was envious. Briefly, he wondered why there was never a question of Miss Bennet marrying her cousin. After all, shewasthe eldest, and it seemed natural that she would be the first to wed. While acknowledging he did not know her particularly well, he was certain she would be a better match for Mr Collins than Miss Elizabeth.
Thatwas likely nothing more than his desire to convince himself anyone other than the lady he loved planned to marry that man.
Bingley could make a better match than Miss Bennet. However, she was a pleasant, gentle lady, and he could have no regrets introducing her as his bride. Mrs Bennet’s connexions were in trade, but Mr Gardiner was a respectable man, and Mr Bennet’s family had been landowners for several centuries. A connexion to them would help to further establish Bingley in the neighbourhood, which was bound to improve his social standing even beyond Hertfordshire.
Darcy had never needed a lady with a large dowry or excellent connexions, even though it was what his parents had taught him to value in a wife. With a morose chuckle, he remembered how important fortune and birth had seemed to him a month or two previously. How easy it was to give up what he had always expected for a woman with whom he could share a mutual love and whom he genuinely, deeply adored!
CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE
Over yet another rainy day and then all morning and afternoon on the twenty-sixth of November, Darcy rallied his spirits. Despite Miss Bingley’s words,hehad heard no one say the Miss Bennet destined for Mr Collins was the one with whom Darcy was most certainly madly in love. Until she or her father told him Miss Elizabeth’s heart and hand were otherwise engaged, he still had hope.
Darcy wished he had asked Miss Elizabeth for the first set. He had considered it when they met walking and then at Mr and Mrs Philips’s before he tried to ask about her cousin and was interrupted by Miss Lydia. At other moments, he was not sorry for the delay to their spending time together. He sensed heartbreak looming over him like a storm cloud, and he needed to protect himself.
When the Bennets arrived at the ball, Darcy just had occasion to greet them before Mrs Bennet hurried her daughters and Mr Collins into the gathering crowd, Mr Bennet having already wandered away. Only Miss Bennet remained behind to converse with Bingley.
Despite the Bingleys not inviting friends from town, there were enough people in the ballroom that it was difficult for Darcy to find Miss Elizabeth. Whenever he saw her, her cousin and one or more of her sisters were with her.
As soon as the dancing began, it was apparent that, even if he had requested Miss Elizabeth’s company, he would have received a rejection. Darcy stood to one side of the room and observed her and Mr Collins moving through the patterns.
Miss Bingley had decorated the ballroom well, although he thought there were too many flowers, including vases of blooms on the mantel next to him. Their perfume, combined with the various scents worn by the guests, threatened to give him a headache. Blaming the flowers was not fair of him, but it was better than admitting the true source of his discomfort: his obstinacy in clinging to the dream that Miss Elizabeth was free to return his affection.
He walked to a window, which was ajar, and took a deep breath of fresh air.
The truth was, Miss Elizabeth looked happy standing across from her cousin. They spoke with ease, she smiled and laughed, he grinned, and they gave every appearance of being comfortable together.
Miss Bingley was beside the couple, dancing with one of the officers from the local militia; she and Bingley had hinted several times that Darcy ought to ask her for the opening set, but he pretended not to notice. He would request she stand up with him later, as politeness dictated, but, as much as he hesitated to admit such an ungrateful thought, he was fatigued of the Bingleys’ company. His expectation of staying with them was rather different from the reality. Simply put, he and the Bingleys had been too much in each other’s company for his liking. Even had they been joined by the Hursts alone, the situation would be better. Darcy ought not to have remained so long in the absence of other guests. He would have left after two or three weeks—ifhe had not met Miss Elizabeth.
He let his eyes sweep over the lines of dancers. Predictably, Bingley was partnering Miss Bennet. A stab of envy pierced Darcy’s abdomen. Jane Bennet, always a beauty, was radiant. It was plain for all to see how besotted the couple were. Bingley’s eyes never left her, and he wore a rather silly grin. At least, Darcy thought, he himself had done a better job of hiding his feelings. How terrible it would be if everyone could see that he was in love with Miss Elizabeth!
“They do look perfect together, do they not?”
Darcy started, and his head jerked this way and that before he realised the question was not directed at him. Standing nearby were Mrs Bennet and Mrs Philips. They were watching the dancing, and it was easy to discern the ‘they’ Mrs Bennet referred to was Miss Bennet and Bingley.
“If he hurries up and offers for her, you will have a double wedding to plan. Would that not be romantic? Two sisters marrying such worthy gentlemen on the same day,” Mrs Philips said.
“Very true, Sister. He and Mr Bennet agreed to talk about”—she lowered her voice to say the next few words—“the other mattertomorrow. You will be the first person I tell when it is all settled.”
Suspecting they were talking about Miss Elizabeth and Mr Collins and not wanting to hear any more of their speculation, Darcy went in search of something stronger than punch to drink. His thoughts jumped between believing Miss Elizabeth was about to become engaged to Mr Collins to knowing it was impossible until he wanted to tear out his hair. He observed Mr Collins dancing with and talking to his other cousins. From everything he had seen over the past fortnight or so, he did not believe that Mr Collins treated Miss Elizabeth any differently from the other ladies. When would there be an end to this confusion? Why could he not bring himself to seek out Mr Bennet and ask him which of his daughters was destined to become Mrs Collins?
Just before the supper set, Darcy sought out Mr Collins for a brief conversation.
“I understand everything is settled. You are to be congratulated,” Darcy said, watching to see how he would take it.
Mr Collins peered at him for a moment before his expression cleared. “Oh, you heard about the living, did you?”
Darcy nodded. “Is it in Essex or Kent? I have heard both mentioned.”
When Mr Collins said it was the latter, Darcy asked, “Do you begin your new duties soon?”
“By St Stephen’s Day. We shall be very busy getting everything completed by then. There are a few minor alterations that must be made to the house, and, of course, I must arrange for our things to be removed. I did not realise how much there was to do, but now that I know I shall soon take up a new abode and position in life, there is a great deal to consider and plan.”
‘Our’ things. There had been little doubt that Mr Collins intended to bring a wife with him, and that one little word confirmed that he would. Mr Collins looked over his shoulder. Following his eyes, Darcy saw Miss Elizabeth standing in a group with three of her sisters, Miss Lucas, and several young gentlemen.
“Again, I congratulate you. It is a very happy time for you and your family. I wish you every good fortune.”
