Elizabeth nodded. “There is little to gain by repeating what we think of him, is there? He has broken Jane’s heart, and I shall never forgive him. As to which excuse for their departure holds more truth, I would say Mr Darcy’s.”
She had no expectation of seeing the Bingleys again, let alone of Mr Bingley apologising. Apparently, she would not see Mr Darcy again either. While it was what she anticipated, it still caused her a pang.
“As would I. If I did not think it would cause Jane more misery, I would write to Mr Bingley and demand an explanation, here, at Longbourn”—he jabbed a finger onto the table’s surface in emphasis—“and that he remain in the neighbourhood long enough to convince the gossiping hoard Jane is faultless in the ending of that whatever-you-want-to-call-it. A proposal would not be out of line, but I could not in good conscience allow such a man to marry one of my girls.”
Elizabeth gave him a kiss. There were times he was not the father she wanted him to be, but she never doubted he loved them. “I should go. My mother will burst into the room looking for me any minute if I do not, and after such a pretty speech, I wish to save you the vexation of having your peace thus interrupted.”
The resulting smile was more genuine than his last. “You are a good girl, Lizzy. I do not know what I shall do without you, when the time comes.”
Saying nothing further, she left him. Sure enough, she had not gone two yards down the corridor before Mrs Bennet approached from the opposite direction. She put one hand to her chest and used the other to fan her face.
“There you are, Lizzy. The wedding is in just a few days, and there is still a great deal we must do and so many trunks and boxes to pack. I am anxious for us to go into Meryton and see to the last bit of shopping. The alterations to your gown shouldfinallybe finished, and we must collect it. I shall not be happy until it—along with those for your sisters—are safely under this roof.”
“I shall be ready in just a few minutes, Mama. The day is young, and I promise I will give the remainder of it to you. Whatever you need me to attend to, I shall.”
The activity would keep her from thinking about everything that had happened since the ball at Netherfield. Elizabeth straightened her spine and resolved to appear cheerful, whatever her internal sentiments. It would be easier if she did not have to witness Jane’s melancholia. Believing her father would not tell Jane or any of the others about Mr Darcy’s letter, Elizabeth decided she would also remain silent about it. It would do Jane no good to hear what Mr Darcy had written and be left with the knowledge that Miss Bingley had almost certainly lied to her. It was possible Mrs Hursthadneeded her brother and sister with her, but Elizabeth believed it was a falsehood, an invented reason to explain why the Bingleys had skulked away like thieves in the night. Whatever game they had been playing, they had no care for the harm it had done.
Mr Darcy’s role in the affair worried her, and she thought about it as she prepared to go into Meryton. Elizabeth wanted to believe Mr Darcy’s letter was entirely truthful, and that he was unaware of Miss Bingley’s note and Jane’s present disappointment.
I should hate to think ill of him, but I would have to if he encouraged, even helped, his friend injure my dearest sister.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-NINE
Darcy left town as planned but decided against calling on the Bennets. Why would he cause himself grief? It was surely the only possible outcome to witnessing Miss Elizabeth preparing to become Mrs Collins.
The Bingleys tried to cajole him into joining them at a concert or, when he refused that invitation, to dine with them, which he also politely declined. While he had little desire to be in company with anyone, seeing them was impossible. Not only did they remind him of Hertfordshire, but after spending so much time with them of late, he required a separation. Once he returned to town in the spring, likely after his customary Easter visit to see his aunt in Kent, it would be easier to resume their friendship.
Although there was little to hearten him about the journey to Worcestershire, as soon as he saw his sister, his mood improved. Darcy was heartened by how well she looked and the evidence of her good cheer. He forgot his sorrow for the remainder of the day, only taking it up again, like a weighty cloak, when he retired that night.
The following day, Darcy spent as much time with Georgiana as possible. The cold weather kept them inside, sitting in one of the manor’s smaller sitting rooms, with the fire built up and a steady supply of tea to keep them warm. Occasionally, one of their relations joined them for a few minutes, but for the most part, it appeared their family agreed that Darcy and Georgiana should be left alone after such a long time apart. He was glad to see that she looked and sounded as well as she had been before Ramsgate. As he studied her, an image of his final encounter with Wickham came to mind. They had argued, naturally, and his erstwhile friend had issued several vague threats Darcy had not taken seriously. Nevertheless, sending Wickham out of the country had been for the best.
He must have reached Antigua or wherever it was he was bound months ago—if he survived the crossing. Should I wish he is doing well, or hope he has received his deserts and is miserable? I do not care how he treated me, but with what he did to Georgiana, I admit I cannot bear the notion of him living a contented, prosperous life.
After listening to Georgiana’s recitation of everything she had done since they were last together, Darcy said, “I am glad to see how well you are doing.”
Georgiana averted her gaze, looking shy and demure as she so often did. “My aunt has helped a great deal. She has been so kind and understanding about…what I did, and she has never said or done anything to make me feel worse about it than I already do.”
“It is behind us, Georgiana. Learn from the error you made, just as I learnt from mine, and then tuck it away in a far corner of your mind. Better still, forget it altogether, if you can.”
How many mistakes had he made in Hertfordshire, he wondered? He could think of several. The one currently preying on his mind was that he had not asked Miss Elizabeth about her connexion to her cousin from the outset. As soon as Darcy heard that Mr Collins was the heir to Longbourn, he should have guessed he would likely marry one of his cousins.Thatwould have been the time to enquire. It would have saved him several weeks of confusion and ultimately heartbreak.
He stared into his half-empty teacup, and his thoughts drifted back to Elizabeth Bennet. How long would it take for him to cease believing she was everything he could want in a lady—more perfect for him than he dreamt it was possible for someone to be? He could not have been mistaken all the times he was certain she enjoyed his company. Thinking poorly of her was impossible, but a voice in his head kept speculating on the propriety of her being so open and friendly with him when she was intended for another. His fingers reached for his chest, as though clutching at the fine wool of his jacket would ease the ache in his heart. He forced them back to the arm of the chair in which he sat.
“That is what Mrs Annesley says. I cannot go back in time and change the decisions I made. She tells me that I might as well take what good I can from it. That means learning not to make the same mistakes again,” Georgiana said.
It took Darcy a second to understand what his sister meant, and he offered her a weak but sincere smile. They lapsed into silence for a short while.
“Y-you do not seem…content, Brother. May I ask why?”
“I assure you, it has nothing to do with you.” Darcy sat up straighter and rolled his shoulders, trying to release the tightness in them. “Neither is there anything amiss at Pemberley or with any of our family. I admit, I had a…disappointment in Hertfordshire. I have some reflecting of my own to do, in this instance, how to think less well of someone.” He gave a rueful chuckle.
It was evident his response perplexed her, but he could not be plainer. The mere suggestion of speaking openly to her about Miss Elizabeth left him wanting to flee the house.
“I promise it is nothing to worry you. I have been debating what I could have done differently, but I must reconcile myself to putting the entire affair into the past, just as you must do with what happened last summer.”
He reached for a spice biscuit and held it up as though offering a toast. “Let us forget about everything that causes us disquiet and vow to enjoy Christmas. I am glad to be with our family, and especially that you and I are together again. After the New Year, we shall return to Pemberley. Will you be glad to go?”
“Very much. Romsley Hall is wonderful, but there is a certain comfort in being home. I hope we can go skating on the pond.” Her voice trailed off as she mentioned the activity.
