September 8, 1813
Dear Miss Bennet,
I hope you are well, and I beg you will forgive me for writing to you in such a fashion. My aunt encouraged me to do so. She said that, from what she had heard of you, you would forgive the presumption. I wished to convey certain messages, and as I do not know when we might next meet, this seemed like the best means of saying what I wished. I do not know whether I would be brave enough to express it all were we sitting together; thus a letter is more practical as well.
First, I must offer you an apology. I know the last day we were together was unpleasant for you, and indeed I made those you passed at Pemberley last month difficult. I am very sorry for my behaviour. Regarding Buxton, I am extremely grateful that you were there when I most needed a friend.
As you can see from the direction, we are now in town. My brother and I remained at Pemberley until four days ago. You may have learnt already that my cousins—the Reeds—came to visit us, as did Lord and Lady Romsley and Bramwell. Having them all there made the house so much livelier. For the first time in years, I liked being amongst them. After my stupid decision to run away from those who love and care for me, everything changed. I was very glad to see my relations, especially Rebecca. It provided us with an opportunity to grow closer—enough that I believe she would call me a friend. It was amusing and heartening to see her and Bramwell together, especially to see him in love. I am very happy for them. I am not sure I would have been able to enjoy it two or three months ago—their visit or the celebration that came with theirengagement, about which she told me she would write to you. She told me how much she enjoyed meeting you last winter and that you had become good friends. I was not surprised by that. I, who can appreciate your worth in a way I imagine few others can, know that she is fortunate to have gained your friendship.
I have rambled long enough. The true reason for disturbing you with my letter is to thank you. I do not know exactly what it was you said to me that day, but your words have helped me more than I can express. Long ago, my brother told me what a sympathetic lady you are, and that is what I found in you during that horrible morning when I was in desperate need of help.
Since my silly, ill-planned escapade, there has been a great deal of talking—with my brother, cousin, Mrs Annesley, and my aunt and uncle. I find it all uncomfortable, but I am determined to continue it. I know it is necessary if I am to grow stronger. Beyond that, my brother arranged for a new doctor to come to Pemberley. He is a young man, not yet thirty, and I liked him. I cannot explain why exactly, but his manner was reassuring, more so than the older gentlemen we have consulted. He prescribed more exercise, especially in the open air, and certain changes to my diet. I do not know whether they are making a difference, but I suppose they cannot hurt and are far less displeasing than the various powders and elixirs thrust upon me by others over the last two years. I am following his instructions carefully, and I do feel more myself. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but for the first time since Ramsgate, I am hopeful. I tell you all of this so that you know I am truly trying to be well again.
Miss Bennet, I owe you a debt I can never repay. Your goodness to me cannot be praised enough, especially when I have treated you so poorly this past year. I was lost the day you found me at the inn, in more than one way, but with your assistance, I believe I have been set upon the correct path towards recovery. I will only add, God bless you.
Georgiana Darcy
“Well, the Darcys are certainly superior letter writers,” Elizabeth quipped, although no one was nearby to hear her.
Her hands trembled as she folded the paper. Doing so was pointless; she would read and reread it many times in the coming days, just as she had the one Mr Darcy gave her in Kent. Was she destined to have her life altered by letters from that family? How many more times would it happen?
“I do not know why, but her letterhaschanged me,” Elizabeth whispered. She wiped her cheek, only vaguely acknowledging the moisture she felt.
Elizabeth felt set free.Thatis what had changed after reading just a few paragraphs.
It was over. Truths had been revealed—Miss Darcy’s regarding what happened with Mr Wickham and Elizabeth’s in how she had harboured anger and disappointment rather than compassion for Mr Darcy and her own sister.I pray Miss Darcy’s dark cloud truly is dissipating. I have the strong sense that it is, and with it, so is the hold the Darcys had on me, and have had since Mr Darcy and I met two years ago.
With that thought, she buried her face in her hands, Miss Darcy’s letter still clutched in one, and began to cry. She did not know whether it was from relief or sorrow.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Darcy could not decide whether he was glad to be in town again. On the whole, he thought not. It had the benefit of allowing him to see friends and be closer to his family, who were all in London, and it allowed Georgiana greater access to masters, which was reassuring after her disinterest over the past two years. On the less beneficial side, he might see Elizabeth. He longed to—he wouldalwayswant to be near her—but it was also painful because he could not be with her. At present, she remained in Hertfordshire, but from what he had learnt from Rebecca and the one letter he had received from Bingley since their parting in Derbyshire, she would likely spend some weeks in town that autumn. It was his fate to love her for as long as he lived. Surely, if it were possible for his sentiments to fade, they would have during the months—years—of knowing he could not have her as his wife. But he expected her to move on with her life. He wanted her to be happy, and he had no reason to suppose Robert Grey had lost interest in her; thus, if he sawElizabeth in town, he must also be prepared to see Mr Grey chasing after her.
Sitting alone in his study, several important letters of business neatly piled on his desk, Darcy pressed his eyes closed and attempted to force the morose thoughts aside.
I ought to remind myself of what adds pleasure to my life—Georgiana, most of all.There was no denying that her healthwasimproving. The relief he, Fitzwilliam, and others in their family felt was immeasurable. She was by no means fully recovered, but if she continued to show so much progress over the next few months, he believed she might be one day. At the very least, she would gain greater control of her emotions, and all of them—herself included—would not need to be so worried for her.
He selected the letter from his steward to review and was writing a response when the butler announced a caller: Bingley. Darcy did his best to hide his surprise; he had not known Bingley was in town or that he would call. He did not know whether Bingley still considered them friends—if his understandable anger when they last spoke at Pemberley had lessened with time. When they were in Buxton, Bingley had apologised, which was completely unnecessary. It had given Darcy hope that he had not lost their connexion. He would know for certain in a few minutes, which made him nervous. He told the butler he would join Bingley in the drawing room and asked for a tray of refreshments to be sent there.
The gentlemen greeted each other, and Bingley said, “I had to come to town for a couple of days to see to some minor business. I shall not weary you with the details. I also wanted to see my sisters in person and remind them to behave properly when Jane, Lizzy, and I return later this month.”
“They are not with you.” Was it disappointment or reliefDarcy felt? His words were not a question, but Bingley treated them as such and shook his head.
“We shall be leaving Meryton soon enough, and once we do, who knows when we shall visit? Jane is going to have a child in the late winter or early spring.”
“Bingley, that is wonderful news,” Darcy exclaimed. “I congratulate you both.”
Bingley gave an awkward chuckle and blushed. “We have not told that many people. My sisters do not yet know. I only arrived yesterday, and thus far, they have not wanted to listen to anything I have to say. Rather, they wished to share their many, many complaints, chiefly that I would dare to purchase an estate without consulting them, let alone decide on renovations. It will not betheirhome, so I do not know why they believe they should have a say in it.” He waved a hand as though dismissing the topic. “That does not matter. I knew you were in town and thought I would come to see you.” He paused. “Miss Darcy’s letter. Lizzy told us about it. Notwhatshe wrote, just that you were in town and your sister was doing well. Is she?”
“I am happy to say that Georgiana is doing very well.” Darcy knew Georgiana had written to Elizabeth. She had asked his opinion on the wisdom of doing so, especially whether Elizabeth would be affronted, and he had assured her that she would not be. Like Bingley, he did not know what his sister had written. She had only told him that she wanted to thank Elizabeth for her kindness.
Bingley let out a gush of air. “That is the best news I have heard in a very long time. Apart from becoming a father, that is.” He laughed. “And you, Darcy, are you well? I spoke harshly to you before leaving Pemberley, and I regret it, but at the time—well, no need to go over all that again. I admit that a part of me is still vexed, but with Jane’s assistance—I truly have the most excellent wife—and after that last morning, I understand that you were in a very difficult situation. What I want most of all is for my wife and Lizzy to be happy. You too. That is why I am here.”
“You were right to be angry, and I am sorry I did not confide in you about Georgiana or Elizabeth.”
He was stopped from saying more when the refreshments arrived, and as Bingley partook of a glass of lemonade and a piece of chicken pie, they chatted about nothing in particular.
“I ought not to stay much longer. We have not yet decided exactly what day we shall leave Netherfield, but I shall let you know. Jane is looking forward to seeing some of the ladies she met earlier this year. If you and Miss Darcy do not object, I am sure she would like to call on her,” Bingley said.
