Tears pooled in Elizabeth’s eyes, and she blinked to clear them. His words were like a beautiful song to her soul, but they did not erase the barriers that stood between them. “It was the exact opposite of selfish when you gave me up to care for your sister.”
He shook his head. “You have no notion how difficult that was—how I debated and argued with Fitzwilliam about it. He said I was trying too hard to convince Georgiana that she would be helped, not hurt, by having you as her sister—that you would enrich our lives. When I saw what she was doing to herself, I could no longer tell myself there was a way I could both help her and marry you.”
“Her behaviour frightened you. I understand that so much better after seeing her in Buxton, and I know you have witnessed far worse than I did that day. Why are you here, saying these things to me now?”
“Is it too late? My love for you and my hopes and dreams have never wavered. I shall do whatever I must to earn your forgiveness if you believe you could give me the honour of your love once again.”
“Why now?” she repeated. She wanted to shake him, asthough that would make him finally answer the question. She might have attempted it if she was not afraid that touching him would cause her to lose all reason and cling to him, promising him anything he liked. “Miss Darcy wrote to me, and I am thrilled she feels that her health is improving, but nothing she said led me to believe the situation had materially altered. Does she know you have come?”
He nodded and took a small step closer. “Bingley called on me two days ago. I know Robert Grey has shown a strong preference for you, and Bingley believes you would accept him. As much as it pains me to say it, he would be a good husband to you, perhaps even love you as you deserve, but…butIloveyou, with everything I am and will ever be, and I could not step aside without making one final attempt.”
“Your sister—” Elizabeth interjected, only to be interrupted by Mr Darcy.
“I told Georgiana what Bingley said.Shewas the one who helped me understand his true purpose—or what we assume it was. We believe he wanted me to know that I have very little time left to pursue you, to attempt to convince you to forgive and marryme, not Grey. I had been telling myself that I have made too many mistakes, caused you too much heartache, but…have I? Georgiana gave me reason to hope that it was not too late, and she immediately told me that I should come to you. She admires you, has remembered how much she liked you last summer and anticipated having you as a sister, knows you would never cause her harm, and”—he took a deep breath, almost as though he could not believe what he was about to say—“she has no objections. None of my family do. I spoke to all of them, to inform them of my intentions and insist they welcome you as you deserve if I succeeded in convincing you tohave me. Of course, Lady Catherine still might not, but her opinion does not matter.”
Even as tears steadily fell down her cheeks, Elizabeth felt a tiny bubble of amusement rise up her body and emerge as a chuckle. She was dizzy with the mix of emotions coursing through her and with the difficulty of maintaining her refusal to believe Mr Darcy was truly saying they could have the future they had both dreamt of, one in which they were husband and wife and lived happily ever after. “You do realise it is ridiculous that our future is dependent on the permission of your seventeen-year-old sister?”
Mr Darcy gave a slight groan. “I have badly mishandled this entire affair. I ought to have been open with you from the beginning.”
“And last year, at Jane and Bingley’s wedding, I ought to have given you a chance to fully explain. I know I did not—just as I interrupted you now.”
He smiled at her slight tease. “I was going to tell you then about Georgiana, but I was so…I cannot describe it. Perplexed, frantic, confused, despondent. The weeks we were apart were dreadful, full of anxiety for my sister and quarrels with my family, until I felt I had no other choice but to agree with them that you and I had no future together. I believe part of me hoped that if you knew the entire ugly story, you would see a way to resolve it even though I could not. Yet, I also did not want you to know. It is such a horrible event to recall. At the very least, had I told you, you would have understood why I was acting as I was. It would not have been right or fair to you, but at one time, I contemplated asking you to agree to a secret engagement until Georgiana was stronger and I could convince her Wickham would never be part of our lives. Can you forgive me, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth? Can you love me again?”
Elizabeth contemplated him for a second, seeing the anxiety in his dark eyes and the way his chest rose and fell in quick succession. She did not doubt what her response would be; her heart had always known the truth, as much as she had fought against it. Her inability to speak at once was because, at last, she was able to drink in the sight of him. This—this—was true freedom, not that emotion she had felt after reading Miss Darcy’s letter. In a sense, perhaps the bonds between themhadbeen broken, as she had then thought, but only so that they could be re-formed into something stronger and longer lasting.
She stepped forwards and took his hand in hers. It was still summer, and the day was warm. Neither of them wore gloves, and when their skin touched, she felt a jolt of something powerful pass through her, something that promised that everything was finally as it was meant to be. She raised his hand to her mouth and kissed it. He whispered her name.
“I have spent the past ten or eleven months maintaining a barrier around my heart when it comes to you. It is going to take some time to fully dismantle it,” she said softly.
“But?”
Her cheeks heated. “But that barrier would not be needed if I no longer loved you as much as I did this time last year, if not even more.”
Before she had time to know what was going to happen, she was being kissed and then apologised to.
“I ought not to have done that,” he said.
“Silly man.” Taking hold of his lapels, Elizabeth pulled him to her for another kiss. She broke it in less than a minute and, meeting his gaze, sternly said, “This doesnotmean we have nothing left to speak of. After everything?—”
“But youwillmarry me?”
“Yes, of course I will. Oh yes, I will!”
Elizabeth saw that his eyes were red, either from the effort of not crying or as a prelude to doing just that. He seemed incapable of speech, and instead, he gathered her in his arms and held her tightly. She rested her head against his chest and whispered his name, at last feeling like all was right with the world.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Walking back to the house with Elizabeth, their hands clasped together, Darcy learnt that Bingley had not yet returned from London but was expected later that day. They spoke further; however, they did not touch on any difficult subjects. For his part, it was enough to be with her and to know that she still loved him. It was a miracle, but she assured him he had understood her perfectly and that they would be married. Whether that was in a day or a year, she was his forevermore.
She said, “I cannot tell you how many times I have told myself to forget about what we had, that I had to put you into my past, only to realise my heart still belonged to you. After last month, I was certain I would be able to do it, but all it took was seeing you walk towards me to know I was mistaken once again.”
He kissed her hand. “I often made similar vows. I did not try to convince myself that I did not love you, but ratherthat I was a fool to hold on to hope that our marriage would ever be possible.”
Once at Netherfield, they sat with Mrs Bingley, who observed both of them carefully but asked no questions. She sat a little too stiffly until Elizabeth whispered something to her, then she grinned. As they drank lemonade and partook of a light meal, Mrs Bingley led them in an easy, friendly conversation.
Bingley arrived in the early afternoon and burst into the drawing room. He took in the three occupants, then strode in Darcy’s direction.
“I am glad you are here!” He thrust out a hand, and when Darcy took it, he shook it vigorously. “I was delighted when the butler told me. I believe my response shocked him. Oh!”
