“I am afraid the answer will do me no favours,” he admitted.
Elizabeth wanted to laugh with derision but did not, realising it would make their situation more difficult.
“Then again, I suspect your opinion of me is already rather low,” he added. “Do you know that it was Lady Catherine who informed Georgiana that Darcy was planning to propose?” She nodded, and he continued. “You have met my aunt, and I assume you can imagine she made it seem as though yourmarriage would be the worst thing that ever happened to our family, and she would not have stopped regardless of any signs of distress Georgiana displayed. When I saw her, she was…” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I cannot describe it. I was furious with my aunt and with Wickham, though that was nothing new. Neither of them was nearby to bear the weight of my wrath, and so I directed it at Darcy for daring to want to marry the woman he loves. He and I argued, and I am ashamed to say that, for a time, I allowed myself to think very poorly of him. All I cared about was that it eased Georgiana’s agitation to tell her that Darcy would forget the notion of proposing to you.
“When I learnt that you were in town, I was worried. I knew Darcy still loved you. What if he proposed or attempted to cajole Georgiana into saying she would not mind if he did? I had thought that she was beginning to improve, but with you here, her well-being was threatened anew. That meant that I treated you with unwarranted suspicion and hostility. Bramwell is quick to tell me how stupid I have been. You and he might like to discuss it.” He gave an awkward chuckle, to which she did not respond. “I have not known what to do to help her. I ought to say that nothing I or any of us have done has helped her. Promising her she would not face the prospect of having—excuse me for calling you this—Wickham’s sister as her own seemed to calm her. When I discovered this, I clung to it excessively.”
“Did you encourage her to fear my presence?” Elizabeth interjected.
“No, no!” He shook his head vigorously. “If I did, it wasnotmy intention. I simply agreed with her that it was reasonable to ask Darcy to forget you and assured her that she did not need to see you if she did not want to. I am sure I also agreedwith her that she might encounter Wickham if you and Darcy married, even if it was inadvertently.”
She regarded him for a long moment. There was a great deal she had intended to say to him, some of which she decided might be better kept to herself. He seemed to be sincere, which was satisfying and gave her hope that they could learn to be friends again. “I acknowledge that you believe you were acting in Miss Darcy’s best interests, and I accept your apology, Colonel. But I want you to understand how difficult you made my situation. I was already desperately unhappy and trying to find a way to set aside my feelings for Mr Darcy. I never did succeed, as you are aware. It was bad enough that we were separated. To that, I had to add knowing Miss Darcy hated seeing me, and you, whom I had liked, began to treat me as though—” She stopped, knowing there was no need to remind him of his past behaviour. “I was miserable and confused.”
“I am very, very sorry. I wish I could go back and do many things differently, for you, Darcy, and Georgiana.”
She nodded. “Let us say nothing more about it. This should be a time for happiness. I hope you view it as such.”
“I do.”
“Good. Tell me, honestly, how is your cousin? Mr Darcy claims she is much improved, and the letter she wrote to me suggests as much, but I worry they both exaggerate. What is her true opinion of our engagement? Does it make her anxious? Understand, I shall do whatever I can to ease her concerns, but I can only do that if I know what they are.”
Colonel Fitzwilliam shook his head and let out a heavy breath. “I feel like such a fool for ever doubting that you would be an excellent sister to Georgiana. I have spoken to her daily, and I assure you, with no pretence whatsoever, that she isthrilled—or as near to that state as she is currently capable of being. What you did for her in Buxton has convinced her that your presence in her life will do her a great deal of good, and she is aware of how much her brother loves you. It is possible she will experience some…setbacks along the way, but she is determined to confront and conquer them, knowing she can rely on her family—which includes you—to assist her.”
It was just what Elizabeth had longed to hear. She and the colonel spoke a little more about Miss Darcy, and soon after, he took his leave.
Darcy came to see her later that afternoon, and as promised, she told him everything that had passed between Colonel Fitzwilliam and herself.
“You need have no concern,” she assured him. “Recall that your cousin and I were friendly with each other when we met in Kent. We are both desirous of regaining that ease, and so we shall.”
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
It had been two days since Elizabeth, the Bingleys, and Darcy returned to town. At present, Darcy was doing his best not to pace near the front door of his London house. He was as nervous awaiting Elizabeth’s arrival that morning as he had been the day he took Georgiana to Lambton to meet her for the first time. She was coming with the express purpose of seeing his sister.
Georgiana was waiting in the green drawing room, refreshments already laid out. A part of him thought he should have stayed with his sister, but he did not want his own anxiety to affect her. While she said she was well and only a little worried about seeing Elizabeth for the first time since Derbyshire, he suspected she felt it more deeply than that.
At last, he heard a carriage pull to a stop and, peeking out of the window, saw that it was Bingley’s. The butler opened the door as Darcy approached it, and he was out of the house in time to hand Elizabeth down. She gave him a smile he was beginning to recognise as one conveying her love and pleasureat being with him. He adored it as much as he did the smiles she gave him when she was in a teasing mood or those when she was amused; then there were the ones she wore when she was simply happy… In truth, he simply rejoiced whenever she smiled.
They greeted each other and stepped into the house. When her lovely eyes took in the entryway as she removed her hat, he said, “I forgot. You have not been here before, have you?”
“I have not. I have been anticipating this visit for that reason, in addition to seeing you and Miss Darcy. After all, it will be my home.”
“Not soon enough,” he whispered as he led the way to the drawing room.
“Patience, my love. I am certain we shall be rewarded for waiting.”
The reward in this case would be commencing their marriage knowing all their family rejoiced with them.
When they entered the drawing room, Georgiana was standing by the sofa, her hands clasped in front of her and her head lowered. Elizabeth offered Darcy a reassuring smile—another in her repertoire of expressions he loved—and stepped towards his sister.
“Miss Darcy, I am very glad to see you again.”
Georgiana glanced at her, and Darcy saw that her eyes were bright with tears. Alarm shot through him. “Georg—” he began.
Elizabeth quickly closed the distance between herself and his sister, saying, “My dear, there is no need for that.”
She took Georgiana’s hand, and they sat side-by-side on the sofa. Georgiana buried her head on Elizabeth’s shoulder, and she wrapped an arm around his sister’s back. Darcy stood close enough to hear Georgiana’s muffled words.
“I am so embarrassed. I have been dreadful to you, and Iamsorry, and you have been so kind to me always. I hope that in time you can forgive me.”
