There was nothing in his voice to suggest he was ridiculing her, no hint that he considered her silly, and she was rather pleased. She suspected that he was reserved by nature, which she could not fault, but that he could be livelier under the right circumstances.He needs practice and not to feel that people would judge him.
“What is it, sir, or is it to be a secret?” she asked.
“You like to laugh.” He regarded her, one eyebrow slightly higher than the other, as though daring her to deny it.
“I do! I find it lightens the spirit. I know I always feel better if I can laugh at some misfortune or, if notatit, then something close to it. For instance, I might not joke about a fall that resulted in badly scraping my hand, but I would laugh at how large the bandages make my hand look.”
“While I hesitate to mention that evening, I thought you might have laughed at what I said. About you, I mean.”
Elizabeth took a moment before responding. They were managing to speak without arguing, and she might even be willing to say that she liked his company, if the right person asked at the right time. It was no hardship to speak to him—he was interesting and knowledgeable, and his voice seemed to warm her, like a thick blanket on a cool evening. Since she had last seen him, she had spent a considerable amount of time reflecting on how quickly her view of him was improving. She did notwant to do anything to disrupt their growing accord by saying the wrong thing.
“I believe I did,” she said slowly. They had stopped walking and stood facing each other, a field in which cattle grazed on one side, a stream on the other. Between the noises from either side, she and Mr Darcy were being treated to a unique concert. Her eyes were on his, her head tilted slightly to the left. He encouraged her to speak freely, and she admitted, “I do not know whether I was bothered by what you said at first. With everything that has happened afterwards, I might be misremembering my sentiments. I do know that I ceased to find it amusing once I realised how many other people were talking about it, some who appeared too pleased that you had slighted me—which says nothing good about their characters. Upon occasion, I have wondered whether my father treating it as seriously as he did made the entire situation more…morethan it would have been had he treated it as a joke, as I had anticipated he would.”
Mr Darcy lowered his eyes and nodded his head several times, giving the appearance that he was carefully contemplating everything she had said. “Itwasa serious matter, and Mr Bennet was right to tell me so. It has taken me longer than it should have to admit that, as you know.” He sighed. “If a gentleman had spoken of my sister in that manner, I would be every bit as angry as your father was.”
She gave him a quick smile and gestured that they should resume walking. “I should thank you.”
“For what?”
“You see, I have long been my father’s favourite daughter. He was affected by knowing you had looked at me and found me lacking, and?—”
“Miss Elizabeth?—”
She unconsciously touched his arm to stop him from assuring her he regretted his behaviour at the assembly, as she assumed he meant to. “Do not forget what I said earlier. I have a tendency to tease. People, that is, not animals. You need not worry about Budge, should I be fortunate enough to meet him again.” He chuckled, and she continued. “A consequence has been that my father is spending more time with my younger sisters. All of us, really, but I believe they need the most attention. I told you the other morning that I was learning duets with Mary and helping Kitty and Lydia with their French studies. It is all at the request of my father. He hopes they will improve.” Suddenly, she was alarmed that she had told him, of all people, such a personal thing about her family. Feeling hot and cold at once, her voice was rough as she said, “I have said enough about it. Really, I ought not to have mentioned it at all. Pray forgive me. I-I should?—”
He interrupted her before she could say that she would leave him. “Think nothing of it. Truly, Miss Elizabeth. If it helps, I shall vow to forget the last few minutes of our conversation.”
“Thank you.” She took a deep breath, slowly exhaling it until she felt the pounding of her heart ease. “Will you tell me something about yourself?” She hoped he would understand her need for a moment to fully regain her composure. If he did, she would add it to the list shewas beginning to make of reasons to like him. He had given her the idea by talking of keeping a similar one regarding her.
“I despise dancing. That might be overstating it, but not by much. I find it marginally more agreeable when I know my partner well, and I do dance when I feel it is my duty—such as with Bingley’s sisters at the assembly—but I do not enjoy it.”
“That must be difficult, given how frequently dancing is involved in our entertainments. I imagine it is even more common in your circle.” She wanted to know whether there was a reason for his dislike, but it would be rude to ask.
He made a noise of agreement. “I do not believe I ever looked forward to it. Even as I was learning to dance, I did not find it diverting, but as I entered society as a young man, and especially after my father’s death, I grew to hate it. I always feel as though I am being closely observed and spoken—gossiped—about, not without reason. You might wonder why I am telling you this. I donotdo it to excuse my behaviour at the assembly, but it might help explain a part of the reason why I was unconscionably uncivil. We had not been there a quarter of an hour before I heard people talking about my estate, annual income, and connexions. I do not know how word of them seems to spread so quickly.”
“I can explain, at least for that occasion. Mrs Hurst. A lady asked about her brother’s friend. I was nearby, and while I did not hear everything she said, I learnt quite a bit.” Elizabeth laughed awkwardly, worrying she had again said too much and that, if he was offended, hemight argue with Mrs Hurst or his friend. “Perhaps I ought not to have told you!”
“No, no,” he interjected, sounding unconcerned. “I am glad to know. It does not surprise me all that much. If I had bothered to guess, I would have realised she or her sister was the most likely source.”
They lapsed into silence for a while until he asked her what pieces she and Mary were practising on the pianoforte. Through their subsequent discussion, she discovered that he knew a great deal about music, although he played no instruments and claimed his singing was best described as ‘awful’. They continued on this topic until it was time for her to return to Longbourn. She had almost suggested that if he apologised, she would accept, but she could not bring herself to speak the words. It took most of the morning for her to realise it was because he might no longer feel the need to spend time with her once the deed was done. Having someone new to speak to was always appreciated, but that it washimwas wonderful. She assumed he would not remain in the neighbourhood much longer, but while he did, why might she not enjoy his company?
There was one reason: her father’s demand that she should have nothing to do with the gentleman. But she would deal with that complication when it became necessary. At present, Elizabeth preferred to anticipate seeing Mr Darcy again.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The following Monday, Jane received an invitation to spend the day and take dinner with Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley; the gentlemen would not be there, having received their own invitation from Colonel Forster. Elizabeth was happy for her, because Jane liked the ladies; she was also glad the invitation had not includedher,because she did not, although she could not explain why. Then again, with her thoughts full of Mr Darcy, she had not tried to understand, particularly as she found her occupation increasingly less frustrating and more pleasurable.
“It is too bad you will not see Mr Bingley,” Mrs Bennet said when Jane raised the possibility of accepting at breakfast. “I have had an excellent notion! It is sure to rain, and if you ride, Miss Bingley will have to ask you to stay the night, and then you will see him.”
“No, my dear wife, Jane most certainly willnotride to Netherfield in some sort of plot to speak to MrBingley for a few minutes,” Mr Bennet said with exaggerated patience.
What followed was akin to scenes of an unfamiliar play. Her father calmly shook his head while her mother pleaded the case for her proposed scheme. A month ago, Elizabeth would have expected him to roll his eyes and let his wife arrange matters however she liked. She was developing a strong preference for this version of her father, and she prayed he would not go back to his old ways.
He turned to Jane and asked, “Do you wish to go?”
“Yes, but…but only if I may have the carriage.” Jane glanced at Mrs Bennet, her cheeks pink, telling Elizabeth she was conscious of disappointing her. “I am sure I shall see Mr Bingley soon.”
Mrs Bennet sighed heavily but made no argument. Jane went to Netherfield Park soon after breakfast and was safely returned to Longbourn before it began to rain heavily.
