The haunting way he sings Mazzy Starr doesn’t make me fall adorably in love with him, cutely, gingerly. Itreminds me of how ugly, how raw, how fast I’ve fallen. Jett’s love knocks me on my ass and sends me hurdling through space, until Iland with an earthshaking thud, faceplanting and falling headfirst as ungracefully as possible.
I flash himJett’s Girlon my nails paired withMineon the tennis bracelet before making him the two-handed heart for him like the last time he sang me this. He pretends I’ve thrown some sort of invisible arrow at his heart and acts in a shocked attempt to yank it out, and Igrin.
When the song ends, we can’t stop clapping.
Kel stares at me, “What did you do to him?!”
“What didhedo tome?!”Ihiss.
Then she looks at me like I’m showing her a lost episode of her favorite show she never knew existed, looking at me just like Lola’s BFF Nina had done and says the same damn thing.
“Holy shit, Maddy.”
I wanna be like,What does holy shit Maddy mean exactly? Because I’ve been hearing it a lot,but Ican’t because Jett is making little sparkly heart eyes at the crowd and saying, “Oh fuck, Ithink it worked that time!”
“Baby!” Britta exclaims. Ilook to my cousin, who’s staring at me with her jaw dropped. “Oh, this is serious!” She says to go with theholy shit, Maddylook.
No shit, it’s serious.Giving up all control and ownership of my heart to Jett? It’s like my heart’s been ripped out, put on a spit, and turned painfully slow over a passionate open flame. Iwouldn’t risk my pride, my heart, everything like this just to get railed once, come on.
Dean slings Jett’s pink Stratocaster over his shoulder, and Ireally do feel eighteen again. He’s talking about his first hit,Kill Me Maybe,and Kel starts shaking me because she’s so excited. It’s so cute and yeah, Iwill admit this is the first Jett song Iliked, along with the whole world too, apparently, as he starts singing and everyone joins in.
‘Cause I’d rather feel the burn, thepain, the shock.
Than feel nothin’ at all on this ticking clock.
I don’t need another friend now, baby,
Go ahead, kill me maybe.
His old lyrics somehow mirror exactly how Ifeel about giving him my heart. It’s worth the risk compared to feeling nothing, to get to fully feel thissomething.
I’m in a total trance through the rest of the set, including his last, the cover ofEyes Without a Face,and Ibelieve Ihave been completely hypnotized by the boy. Ionly register that Jett’s done when he’s suddenly here in front of me, hugging my little crew and thoroughly charming them. Istare in awe. His parents are with us, and we’re all embracing and smiling and unbelievably proud. Jett has a sweet new manager to replace the defective old one, and she introduces herself to me as Zelda. She is very British and resembles his mum. She starts telling me all the exciting ideas she wantsJett and me to execute,as if I’m part of histeam … Am I?
I look around to notice I’m holding my phone but Jett, his parents, Auntie, Cousy, and Kel have all disappeared. “My, my family?”
Zelda grins, “Jett got them a table at that new place across the street everyone’s been dying to try.”
I don’t understand the disorienting feeling this trance holds over me but let’s just say, Jett hasspecial gifts,and this is just another one of many.
“And … Jett?”
“Oh, he’s in his dressing room backstage waiting for you. Let me show you.”
“Waiting for me? He was just here, I—”
“He said he was waiting specifically for the Maddy Morningstar heshouldhave had pressed up against the wall after the magazine photoshoot. Does that make sense to you?”
“Unfortunately, it does.” How can he effortlessly get into my head like this? Leave it to Jett to use people as thank-you gifts and ask his staff to help recreate a moment in time, anytime he wants to, just because he can.
I wave her away sweetly and do my cutest, most innocent-sounding knock on his door. “Jett? Iheard you’re waiting to see me? It’s me, Maddy.”
Jett opens the door and sweeps me inside so he can shut and lock it behind me, hand pressed against the door right above me, crowding me, invading all of my senses. Jett’s heady cologne, the plethora of diamonds in his ears casting an angelic glow, the washed-out irises and shiny magic smeared across his waterline. It’s all too much, and the lace of my panties is soaked through in an instant. He slips the leather jacket off my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor so he can stroke the bare skin of my arms. One hand rests right where it did during our portrait session.
“Miss Serious Actress. Is your heart beatin’ that fast just for me?”
I tuck my fingers under his black suspender straps. Idon't miss how well he plays the part, even making his accent thicker like it was then. “It only beats for you, Jett.”
His lips skim across mine. “Thought you wanted nothing to do with me, said dating was a distraction.”
