Leaving only the taste of his smoke on my lips behind.
Amaya springs from her bed, not even bothering to hide her excitement.
“I can’t believe it! I’ve been waiting for him to get his shit together.”
“You knew?”
She tilts her head down at me. “Reign… I know you’re a little oblivious when it comes to boys and all but come on…”
“I mean, I knew there was an attraction, but I didn’t know he was—”
“In love.” She sings the last word as she falls back onto her bed. “Girl, that man has been down bad for you for a long time.”
“It’s wrong, though. I love Damien.”
She rolls over on her side, propping herself up on her elbow. “And Ryder? Do you love him?”
I want to say no. I want to deny what my heart has known forso long. But I can’t.
“I do.” I drop my head and Amaya immediately slaps my leg.
“No, we’re not doing that. You don’t get to shame spiral on my watch.”
I pick at the plum-colored sheets, not wanting to make eye contact with my best friend.
“It’s not fair to Damien. I can’t be with him and love Ryder. He deserves better than that.”
“So, what does that mean? You want to be with Ryder now?”
I fall back onto the bed, slapping my hands against the silk sheets. “I don’t know what I want. How can I choose Ryder over Damien when there’s a curse that binds his love? And how am I supposed to choose Damien when I have these feelings for Ryder? Both options feel wrong.”
“Hypothetically speaking, if Ryder’s curse didn’t exist, would he be your answer?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. It’s hard to imagine what being with him would look like. With Ryder it’s complicated. We’re both passionate and stubborn. I’ve never fully allowed myself to imagine a future with him. It just seems pointless.”
“Because of the curse.”
“Yes, but I also don’t think he would ever allow himself to let someone else in. Certainly not while his father is alive and even after that. He’s had over a hundred years to build up his walls.”
Amaya sighs deeply like she’s the one in this mess. “I wish I could solve this for you.”
“I wish you could, too,” I admit.
“How are you going to tell Damien?”
“I have no idea. Just the thought of it makes me sick. It’s going to break his heart. It’s already breaking mine.”
“You have to be selfish, Reign. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you can’t worry about how they feel. This is something you need to decide for yourself.”
“I didn’t know it was possible to love two people at the same time. It’s like they’re each a part of me. Like blood and oxygen. Both are equally important, and I don’t know how I’ll survive without the other.”
“Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay? Damien is still away meeting with the Southern Territories so maybe use this time to try to figure things out with Ryder.”
“Okay,” I sigh, not completely convinced that’s the right thing to do.
“Wanna stay with me the rest of the night?” She asks, patting the pillow next to her. I crawl over and snuggle in beside her. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I half expected Amaya to lecture me about avoiding all things Ryder, but she didn’t. Instead, she spent all day training with me, letting me work out my feelings through kicks and jabs. Even when Emeric and Zane showed up, she didn’t mention anything about what happened, only the part about the Dread Woods creatures agreeing to join our side.
