“You know the memory you saw in the Remembrance Orb? The one of the day your father was taken?”
“You mean the lie you used to manipulate me?” It comes out as more of a bite than I intend. I know it was the king’s doing, but he was the messenger, and it still hurts.
“It wasn’t a complete lie. Wehadmet before. It just wasn’t like that.”
My body instantly tenses. He manipulated me for so long that even now I still feel like a pawn being played with.
“What do you mean?”
“You were young, probably five or six years old. My sister and I were visiting my aunt in Avelion. The two of us had been playing by a lake one afternoon. I had left her alone on the dock while I went to collect skipping rocks for us to throw. When I got back to the dock, your father was pounding on her chest. She had fallen into the water and didn’t know how to swim.” His eyes shift away from mine as if he’s watching the memory play out in front of him. “Your father had jumped in and pulled her out, saving her life. You and I never spoke a word to each other, but I remember the yellow sundress with daisies on it that you wore.”
The memory is so faded in my mind that I’m not even sure it’s real. Still, something about it feels familiar.
“How do I know this isn’t just another lie?”
“Your father wore a wedding band on his left hand,” he answers, refocusing his attention on me. “I remember it because it was the same turquoise color as the necklace that my sister never takes off. Back then I thought it was some kind of sign from The Mother.”
His face softens at the memory, and it makes me wonder how long it has been since he’s seen his sister. He played me like a fiddle before, but I trust that what he’s saying is true. How else would he know about my father’s ring? I suppose the king could’ve told him or something, but my gut is telling me to believe him.
“You did feel familiar to me that day in Strellesia and Orientation Day at the Sector. I had never met another girl with such deep, red hair, and I knew you had to have been the same girl from that day,” he admits, hanging his head. “I hated telling the king about your powers, knowing what he wanted the information for. I felt like I owed your father a debt for saving my sister’s life, but if I didn’t, I would’ve been sentencing her to death myself.”
I thought coming here would give me some kind of closure, but it’s just made everything worse. Even now I can see the shame written all over his face. It was easier being mad at him. It was better when I could just blame him for everything, but now I feel like I’m being torn apart with each truth he shares.
“I understand why you did it. I hate that it had to be that way, but I don’t blame you for it anymore.” He lifts his head and lets out a deep breath like hearing those words was a release for him. “What I don’t understand is how you could say all those things to me. How you could share a bed with me and tell me you love me and then turn around and—” I don’t finish the thought. It’s too painful to keep revisiting.
“It didn’t happen the way you think it did. I couldn’t have done that to you on my own. After our first kiss there was no going back for me. I was stuck between falling for you and needing to save my sister.” His eyes burn into me as he speaks like he needs me to hear this next part. “When we were in Strellesia for the Nightfall celebrations, I found a witch and asked her to cast aspell on me. It essentially split my mind into two by separating it with a veil. It was like I was living two different lives: the one with you and our friends and the one that served the king and fell prisoner to the binding curse. It was the only way I could go on. I was scared that if I didn’t do something, I would have to choose between you and my sister and in the end, I wasn’t sure I could choose her.”
If it weren’t for my frozen stupor, I would’ve collapsed to the ground.
“The spell had worked for a while,” he continues. “But as my feelings for you grew, the veil started to slip. King Cimmerian picked up on my change in demeanor and that’s when he told me he was sending me on a mission. He knew that all it would take was a moment of weakness. Just one second for me to say something or do something that would trigger the curse. If my sister died, he knew he would lose the only leverage he had on me and he couldn’t have that. Once I left the Training Sector, his men seized me and brought me to the dungeons to be worked on by Slader.”
“How did you go from being the person you were when I saw you in the dungeons, standing next to the king, to the person talking to me now? Before, you were almost like a dead man walking. There was hardly any life behind your eyes.”
“Because of the spell the witch had cast, the veil in my mind is still partially intact. Slader had only damaged one half of my mind. Over time, the other half has had a chance to offset his magic. King Cimmerian told me you were dead when you never returned from Cyron. When I saw you back in the palace the day of the attack, something snapped inside me. Seeing you alive brought some part of me back.”
“That day, when you told me I shouldn’t have come back…you dropped to your knees in pain?”
Damien nods slowly. “A warning, courtesy of the soul binding curse.”
“But you protected me from the Royal Guard in the Throne Room. I saw your dagger sticking out of his chest. How could you have done that and not have triggered the curse?”
“I spent a lot of time asking myself that same question. At the time all that mattered to me was saving you. When I didn’t feel the impact of the curse, I knew my sister was still alive. The only reason that I’ve been able to come up with is that at the time, I would’ve assumed the king wanted you alive. Whether to make you his prisoner once more or to kill you himself, I guess it didn’t matter. Killing the Royal Guard served King Cimmerian’s agenda in that moment.”
Hearing him admit that he risked the life of his own sister to save mine makes my heart hurt. I move closer, stopping next to the cold slab that binds him. He flinches slightly when my hand touches the side of his face, but he doesn’t look away.
“Are you really still in there?”
He leans his head into my palm, letting it caress him. For a moment I think I see a flash of the man I fell in love with, but it fades just as fast as it appeared, and I wonder if it was just wishful thinking. He pulls my hand away from his face and suddenly the cold exterior is back.
“You should go.”
Whatever wall had been down a moment ago is back up. Staying now would only hurt us both, so I start to walk away, accepting that this is the only goodbye I’m going to get. Before the stone wall separates us once again, I turn around one last time.
“I forgive you, Damien.”
I realize once the words leave my lips that they were just as much for me as they were for him. The weight that had beenholding us both down seems to lift and for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel so angry.
When I open the door, I expect to see Ryder, but instead Amaya is there waiting for me with open arms.
