Ryder steps forward and I lock my arms around him once again, letting the smoke wrap around us. I expect to be taken to the room Damien was chained up in, but instead we end up in Grimstone.
“He’s getting settled in his room. I figured it’s best he stays here, close by.” Ryder knocks on the outside of the door, but when Damien opens it, I’m the only one standing there.
“You came,” he says, running his eyes down every inch of my body as if I was the one who just died and came back to life.
“You’re alive.”
“Come in,” he reaches for my hand, pulling me into his room and the feeling of his skin against mine sends an electric current throughout my body. “I’m not just alive, Reign. I’m back. I’m me.”
“The curse? It’s really broken?”
“Yes! But that’s not all. The veil separating my mind and all of the magic Slader used to twist my memories of you are gone. Everything seemed to reset once I died.” The space between us vanishes, and his fingers play with one of my front curls. Thegesture feels so right and so natural that it makes time almost stand still. “I remember everything.”
“This is real? You’re really you again?”
“Yes,” he answers, resting his forehead on mine. “I’m so sorry.” Our breaths sync with one another like two souls reuniting. He steps back to look at me and grabs both of my hands in his. “I wish I could undo all the pain I’ve caused you. I’ll never be able to make it up to you, but I promise on my life that I will never hurt you again.”
There’s so much sadness and regret behind his eyes that it makes my heart ache. He’s been through so much and he didn’t deserve any of it. Neither of us did. Now, we’re just two people who have been gifted a second chance at life. He’s still so much a part of me and yet, when I look at him, I can’t help but see the person who betrayed me. It’s as if he’s two people in one body and my mind can’t seem to separate the two.
The curse may have been broken and Slader’s magic may be reversed, but the damage that was caused can’t just be undone. Of course, I would love nothing more than to give myself over to the love we once knew. To be the girl who jumps without thinking and does what she wants, consequences be damned. But I’m not her. I know that if I let go of all restraint and fall back into those old feelings, it will only feel good for a moment because the truth is we’ll never be what we were. Maybe with time we’ll be something else, maybe even something better, but it’ll never be the same. Even without me blaming him anymore, the trust I used to have in him is gone.
My throat strains as the tears attempt to escape. His smell is so familiar and yet the feeling of his hands around mine feels wrong. Even if my mind could somehow forget the version of him that had been corrupted by the king, my body can’t. Thememory of his cold stare still burns into my mind looking at him now.
Mother, I wish it could just be simple. That I could bury myself in his chest and melt into his kiss. But I can’t be that naïve girl anymore. Whatever the intentions were, the men in my life have chosen to lie and deceive me. My father with his involvement in the rebellion and with who I really am and where I came from. Damien with the king’s curse and the part he played in my torture. Ryder with my father’s death and the promise he made to watch over me. Trust is everything and time after time, it has been broken.
By some miracle, I died and came back to life. I’m not the girl I once was, and I don’t want to be her again. I’ve worked too hard and come too far to continue blindly trusting those who haven’t earned it. It’s time I start putting myself first and if that means keeping Damien at arm’s length until I know I can trust him, then that’s what I need to do.
“I know you’re sorry,” I finally say. “I’m sorry, too.” There’s a flash of pain across his face when I pull my hands away. “I’m happy you’re alive. And that you’re you again. I really am, but I need time.”
His gaze drops for only a moment. “I’ll wait. For however long it takes, Reign.”
A single tear runs down his face and it’s more than I can bear. I turn and slip out of the room before he has a chance to see the stream of tears fall from my eyes. As I follow the long, dark hallway lined with a maroon rug leading me to the main staircase, my feet can’t seem to move fast enough. When I reach the large steel door at the bottom of the staircase, I let my whole body slam into it.
A second later, I’m greeted by the death-like lands that are starting to become a way of comfort to me. Up here there areno expectations. The skulls and bones left beneath the ashy dirt don’t care about me. They don’t demand to know my thoughts or care to hear my cries. They aren’t impressed with power or skill. I’m nothing to them.
“What happened? Are you okay? Did he do something to you?”
The questions being fired at me interrupt the moment of quiet calm that had embraced me only seconds ago. I’m no longer alone with the dead as I wish to be.
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” I answer, quickly wiping away the tears before turning around. “I just don’t want to think about anything right now. Not about Damien, or being a phoenix, or the coming war, or how I’m feeling. I just want to shut it all off.”
Ryder doesn’t stay in front of me long enough for his smoke to fully clear before he grabs ahold of my waist, taking me with him. When we land in the Center, everyone stares at us before frantically dispersing when Ryder orders them to clear the room.
“What are you doing?” I ask with my arms crossed.
“You need a distraction, and your kicks need work.”
“They do not!” I argue, taking offense.
He glances at me sideways as if to say, “trust me they do.”
“Fine,” I say with an overly dramatic huff. “Show me how to be better so I can kick your ass.”
“Oh, darling,” he purrs as he circles me. “You’ll never be able to kick my ass.”
“We’ll see about that.” I drop low and sweep my leg underneath him, but annoyance immediately sets in when he vaporates and appears perfectly stable a few feet away with a superior look written all over his face.
“What was that you were saying?”
