Roman’s jaw tightens slightly. “That’s what they all believe,” he says.
I force my voice steady. “People believe what is convenient.”
“That sounds like an answer from someone tired of hearing it.”
“It sounds like the truth.”
He holds my gaze.
I can feel him trying to read the silence I’m leaving him, trying to decide whether it confirms his suspicion or only my exhaustion.
Then, softly, “And is it true?”
My mouth goes dry. I should still deny it. Instead, I look away first.
Roman goes very still.
He doesn’t say anything for a second, and in that second, I feel the whole weight of his wrongness pressing between us. Not just the wrong assumption itself, but everything growing out of it.What he must think of me. What he must think I carried. What he thinks I lost with Lev. What he thinks my children are.
Part of me wants to let him keep the lie.
It’s safer. It’s simpler.
But another part of me, the reckless and exhausted part, is suddenly furious that after all this time he can still stand in front of me and ask the wrong questions.
They’re yours, dammnit,I want to scream.Yours!
Before I can decide whether to speak, Sofia’s voice rings out from the car.
“Mama!”
The moment snaps.
Roman steps back first.
Not far, just enough to make us look less like two people standing on the edge of something and more like polite adults having a difficult conversation in the cold.
I hate him for being sensible. I hate myself more for wanting him not to be.
“I have to go,” I say.
Roman nods once.
He looks like he wants to say something else. But nothing leaves his lips.
I turn and walk back to the car without looking over my shoulder.
I can feel him watching me all the way there.
By the time we get back to the house, my nerves feel skinned raw.
The children are half-asleep, warm and heavy from lunch and the ride home. Sofia is limp against my shoulder, one shoe hanging by the back strap because she never keeps them on properly in the car. Nikolai is still awake, but only just, his head tipped against the seat, his eyes heavy.
Vika gets out first.
She turns at the top of the steps and looks back at me with that smug, overbright expression she gets when she thinks the world has finally arranged itself in her favor.
She’s glowing.
