“And whereas both parties are of sound body and mind and were confirmed by multiple witnesses to fully understand the seriousness of the act they were undertaking?—”
“Like fuck we did,” Webb growled.
“And both parties are believed to have long harbored affectionate feelings for one another?—”
“Affection?” I squawked. The man had barely tolerated me! “Affection?”
The mayor clapped Webb on the shoulder, and Webb stared up at him in horror. “—and have joined their hands on the town common, blown the revered Unity Bugle, and pledged their unity so that they might seal their troth?—”
“Doesn’ttrothmean marriage?” Drew demanded of no one in particular.
“Oh myGod, you got married?” Emma cried, way too loud. “Holy crap, Webb.”
“No,” I whispered, panicked. “No. We didn’t. We’re not. Absolutely not even a little bit. We… there was a legend of the bugle, and a pretty girl, and— Webb,tell them the legend!”
“And whereas both parties will have been furnished with a list of conditions they must complete within the eight-week handfast period in order to confirm their willingness to be declared lawful spouses under the terms of the Little Pippin Hollow Handfast Act of 1762?—”
The mayor motioned to Dora, who hurried forward to hand us each a miniature scroll with a bow and a flourish.
I took mine, too stunned to refuse.
Webb made no move to take his, so she set it on the table in front of him.
“Now, therefore, I, as mayor, do formally declare that the aforementioned couple, Webb Sunday and Luke Williams, are herebyhandfasted. What the bugle has joined together, let no man put asunder.”
He sighed in satisfaction and rolled the scroll back up. “Gentlemen, on behalf of the town, I’d like to express our appreciation that you’ve chosen to unify your lives through this venerable tradition. I hope you know you can count on all of us to help and support you as you work to complete your confirmation tasks.”
I was drunk. I had to be. There was no other explanation.
“Cut!” Ginny called happily. “Great job, Uncle Ernie. I’m thinking we can do a couple segments a week on this. Maybe first we’ll interview the grooms?—”
“Good idea!” the mayor agreed.
“Terrible idea. We arenotgrooms.” Webb spoke for the first time in a long moment. “Jesus Christ, Ernest. I’m not even gay. What the hell is this about?”
“Hey.” The mayor jabbed a finger at Webb. “I won’t have you being homophobic.”
“Homo—” Webb shook his head, bewildered. “I’m not! Jesus, Ernie, youknowI’m not. I’m just saying?—”
“Fascinating,” Ginny breathed. She motioned to the cameraman and stuck her microphone in my face. “Mr. Williams, were you aware that your fiancé isn’t gay?”
“Well, I—” I began.
“We’re notfiancés!” Webb shouted over me.
“I apologize,” Ginny said. “Do you prefer partner? Or… handfaster?”
I shook my head. “You’ve got it wrong. Webb and I are?—”
“Arenothing,” Webb said in a tone of finality that rang through the restaurant like a bullet to my heart. “Luke Williams is nothing to me.”
My stomach pitched, and my hands went cold.
So much forunity.
CHAPTER SIX
WEBB
