“Hawk—”
“No wonder you don’t want to have sex with me. I have become a veritableriverof salt,and my banks are overflowing,” he said miserably.
I pressed my lips together to keep from pointing out that Simon Wentworth wasn’t really all that handsome—not the point, Jack, god—and focused on Hawk.
Hawk had trusted me with a lot of things over the years, but this felt different. More.Like he was being vulnerable in a new way, showing a side of himself that scared him a little.
He sounded so lost and alone my arms ached to hold him as I had earlier. I wanted to whisper nonsense about everything being okay, that I wouldmakeit okay, that we would make it okay together because I was right beside him and I always would be. Nothing he could do or say would scare me away. No matter what else changed, he could always count on me.
But one look at him told me he wouldn’t welcome any of that. Beneath his hoodie, his whole body was taut as a bowstring, like he was holding himself together by willpower alone, and the slightest touch might send him rocketing to the stratosphere. So I channeled my own frustrated helplessness into kicking a rockoff a nearby drop-off—possibly imagining Simon’s face on it, who’s to say?—before opening my mouth.
“I hate that you’re dealing with this,” I said quietly. “But I’m glad you told me. I don’t want you to hold back with me. Okay?”
“Yeah.” He huffed out a laugh and pushed his hair up off his forehead, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Sure.”
“I know some of the things you’re angry about, like your dad, are things you can’t fix or change. But some of the others maybe you just need time to figure out. In the meantime, maybe you need an outlet. When I was younger, I had a lot of pent-up aggression?—”
Hawk’s eyes met mine. “Yeah? You never told me that.”
I nodded. “I, uh… Grief is weird, you know? Comes up when you least expect it and sometimes in ways you don’t expect. My mom hadn’t finished her accounting degree yet, so she was working crazy hours, and things were kinda shitty, and I…” I shrugged. I didn’t like talking about this stuff because I didn’t like remembering it. “Anyway. Hitting a punching bag really helped. Have you thought about checking out that new kickboxing studio in Two Rivers?”
He huffed out a laugh, and his posture eased a bit. “Yeah, Crys had some ideas about that, too. First, she suggested jiujitsu since she’s studied it herself?—”
I was hesitant to agree with Crys’s suggestions just on principle, but in this case, she might have a point. “Jiujitsu would be good for self-defense. In fact, you should probably get a belt or two before you pursue the hookup app idea, if that was something you were still, ah… thinking about.”
It occurred to me the instant the words were out of my mouth that I probably shouldn’t have brought that up again, especially now.
Hawk’s glare confirmed this. “Didyouget a belt in jiujitsu beforeyouswiped right on Smug Peter or Handsy Donny?”
“Well…” I cleared my throat and lifted my chin. “In retrospect, maybe I should have.”
“Uh-huh. Since I wasn’t planning to post a profile onOKSerialKillers, I think I’ll be okay.”
“I just think you could forget the apps and find a nice guy in town. Someone you know. Someone who would?—”
“Bup bup bup! You know what? I’m instituting a new friendship rule, Jack: you and I don’t talk about this anymore. I tried finding a nice guy in town, but he turned me down.” He gave me a significant look. “Twice. And now he doesn’t get to have an opinion about my dating life.”
“But that’s not?—”
“—up for discussion,” Hawk finished. “River of salt, remember? Change the subject.”
His voice held a warning I’d be a fool to ignore, but I was still tempted. I didn’t want there to be a whole area of his life he wouldn’t share with me, and the idea of Hawk on a date with a stranger made my palms sweat.
But now was not the time to push that issue either. The whole point of this hike had been to get things on track, and I was driving Hawk further away.
“Fine,” I agreed, mentally adding afor now.
He nodded once. “Thank you.”
I gave him a sidelong glance, gauging his mood, searching my brain for a distraction. “Would now be a bad time to tell you there was a Jane Austen trivia question at Singles’ Trivia last night?”
He whipped his head in my direction. “You were at Singles’ Trivia Night?”
“What? Dude. You know I wasn’t. Katey messaged to say she’d be coming in late tomorrow because she has a date tonight, and she mentioned one of the questions was about the early reference to baseball inNorthanger Abbey. You know Katey’s apitcher for the Hollow Swingers, right? So she asked if I knew how Jane Austen would have known about baseball in the 1600s when she wrote her books?—”
“1600s?” he moaned. “Please tell me you?—?”
“Set her right?” I nodded. “Pfft. Obviously. Loyalty to you compelled me to. I told her that was hundreds of years before Jane’s time. But I told her she had to ask you if she wanted to know the answer to her question.”
