But when the visitor ducked down to peek into the tent, it wasn’t JackorSimon who’d come to visit.
“Webb?” I blurted. “What are you doing here?”
“Bringing you a sleeping bag.” He tossed the bag on the ground inside the tent on top of the one Crys had brought. “Drew said you left without yours, and he was worried. We all kind ofwere. Can you and I…” He coughed uncomfortably. “…talk, or whatever?”
Anyone who’d only known Webb since Luke came into his life would probably be pretty shocked to learn that the man had never been particularly comfortable with emotions. Since I tended to run on emotion the way cars ran on gasoline, that meant Webb and I hadn’t deliberately sat down for a heart-to-heart since…
Well, ever.
Crys lifted an eyebrow in unspoken question, and when I nodded, she zipped her backpack and crawled out of the tent. “I’m leaving you the bottle, boo. Be good, okay? May Mother Earth keep her pet snakes safely tucked into their beds tonight.” She held an imaginary phone to her ear. “Call me if you need me.”
“Spotty cell reception up here,” Webb and I said at the same time. I added, “I’m gonna climb to the peak every day to post pics and check email, though. I’ll be in touch.”
Crys waved and headed back down the trail, and Webb stood outside the tent for a moment. “Can I…?” He gestured at the spot on the sleeping bag that Crys had vacated, and I scooted all the way to the edge to make room for him, looping my arms around my knees.
Webb ducked inside, drawing up his long legs. The tent immediately seemed way, way too crowded with his lumberjacky shoulder pushed up against mine. “So. Camping, huh?” Webb scratched at his beard with one fingertip. “I love camping.”
“I’m not up here for recreation. I’m protesting. I’m strategizing.” I shrugged. “I’m sucking in whatever remaining moments I can in case I fail and all of this goes away.”
I expected an argument. An eye roll. AnOh, Hawk, stop being dramatic!But Webb just looked pensive.
“You seem calmer now,” he ventured. “You were pretty upset at the diner earlier.”
“Yeah. Being up here, talking with the Mini Nature Scouts… it cleared my mind a bit.” I picked at a frayed spot in my jeans guiltily. “Look, I’m sorry I yelled at you. You didn’t deserve that. Luke definitely didn’t deserve it. I’ll apologize to him.”
He nodded. “That’d be good. Luke loves you, and he was a little worried he’d upset you. I told him it seemed like you had something else on your mind, though.” He gave me a sideways look. “Given what you mentioned about… cherries?”
I set my jaw. If Webb was expecting me to confess all my deepest feels, he was in for a long wait. None of the things I was feeling were suitable for discussion with the man who still thought I was a kid.
After a long moment, he nodded slowly again. “I see. Well, if you aren’t in the mood to share, maybe I’ll take a turn.”
“Unnecessary,” I said through my teeth. Just because I didn’t want to share my feelings didn’t mean I wanted to hear his. I was all too aware of Webb’s opinions on most things.
“Too bad.” He leaned back on one elbow, stretching his long legs so they stuck out of the tent, and took a deep breath. “You know, I waited a long time for Luke Williams?—”
I immediately broke my resolution to stay silent. “I don’t know how that’s possible, since you were married to Amanda for yearsanddidn’t know you were gayandyou didn’t even like Luke at first,” I said pointedly.
Webb chuckled, refusing to be baited. “Okay, you’re right. I didn’t know I was waiting forLuke-Luke. A flatlander all the way from North Carolina and a man to boot? I definitely didn’t see that coming. What I meant was I waited a long time for a… a true partner. Someone who’d be all in on a relationship like I am. Someone who feels as intensely for me as I do for him. Deep down, I think I always wanted that. Tried to convince myself Ihad it with Amanda, and when that didn’t work out, I told myself it didn’t exist?—”
“Yeah,” I grudgingly admitted. “I hated that for you.”
“So when Luke came along…” He traced his finger along the quilted seam of the sleeping bag. “It wasn’t like anything I’d ever expected, so I didn’t believe it was real. We can joke around about it, but it wasn’t just sunshine and rainbows and drunken bugle blowing, you know? Falling in love with Luke made me question everything—who I was and what was important to me. It scared the shit out of me. You know how much I love chaos, right?”
I chuckled lightly because Webb’s control freak tendencies were well-known.
“I fought it hard,” he went on, his voice thick with remorse. “Ithurt. And I ended up hurting Luke in the process.”
I nodded. “But you got through it.”
“We did. And thank fuck, because what was on the other side of all that chaos…” Webb shook his head wonderingly. “Shit, Hawk. I have a guy who believes in me. Who looks at me and seesme.All my faults, and my fears, and my annoying habits…” He darted a look at me. “Not that I have many, of course. Maybe one or two?—”
“—dozen,” I snickered.
Webb grinned. “At least. But Luke embraces all of it. I don’t have to hide parts of myself or change myself in order for him to love me because he loves me just as I am, the same way I love him. But it’s like… I also want to be the best version of myself for his sake.” He bit his lip. “I dunno. I’m not great at putting this stuff into words. Maybe I’m not making sense.”
“No, you are,” I assured him. “That’s… beautiful. I’m really glad for you. And a little envious. And I really hope you’ve told Luke all this, too. I bet he’d like to hear it.”
“Well, of course. I tell him every single day.” Webb frowned, like this should be obvious. “That’s what we mean when we sayI love you.”
