‘Mum?’
I gasp and look up, hopeful that it’s Katie. But it’s Eva standing by the back door, white-faced. ‘Did you find her?’ she asks.
‘Not yet, darling, but she’s got to be around here somewhere.’ My voice sounds hollow and bright.
‘Maybe she went to school on her own,’ Eva suggests.
I turn as Sherry clears her throat discreetly behind me. ‘Let me know if you need any help looking. And try not to worry. I’m sure she’ll turn up any minute.’
‘Thanks, Sherry. I appreciate it.’ I step off the grass, take Eva’s hand and we go back inside. ‘This is ridiculous,’ I mutter. ‘She can’t have just disappeared.’ I turn to Eva with another thought. ‘She’s probably hiding. You know how much she loves to play hide and seek. Let’s check the house again. Have a proper scout around.’ I stomp up the stairs, calling Katie’s name. Eva follows, and I try to keep my panic in check. I don’t want her to see how freaked out I’m becoming. It’s already been five minutes since I first realised Katie was missing.
‘Where is she, Mum? Is she going to be okay?’
‘Of course,’ I reply, trying to keep my voice from trembling. ‘Katie!’ I yell. ‘It’s not funny any more. We’re going to be late for school. Come on!’ I march into her bedroom, the floor a tangled mess of cuddly toys and discarded clothes. What I would give to see her lounging around on her bed right now. Her PJs are strewn across her pillow, her favourite book left open – everything looks so normal.
I crouch down and look under the bed, even though Eva said she’d already checked. But Katie’s not there. It’s just an empty black space. If only I had been paying more attention to her this morning instead of spending ages getting myself ready. I shouldn’t have taken my eyes off her for a second. But we’re at home. Surely we should be safe here. How can she have vanished into thin air? Robert and I are always in a rush, always doing a million things at once. Right now, he’s out with his regular Tuesday-morning client. He’s a personal trainer and works odd hours so, between the two of us, looking after the girls always manages to end up a messy and unpredictable affair with one or the other of us getting stressed and running late.
I get to my feet again and run my fingers through my short hair, not caring that I’m messing up the careful style that took me ages to perfect earlier.
‘Mum?’ Eva stares up at me. ‘Mum, where is she? I’m scared.’ Her eyes start to pool with tears.
I’m scared too. I take my precious daughter’s hand in both of mine. ‘Don’t worry. Don’t cry, she’s fine. I’m sure she’ll show up any second, and we’ll give her a big fat hug and tell her off for scaring us senseless.’
I’ve looked everywhere. It can’t be more than ten minutes since I first found she was missing, but it already feels like hours. If she’s not in the house she must have gone out the front door. But I already looked on the driveway and on the road beyond. There was no sign of her. She wouldn’t have run off, would she? Did she go out of her own accord?
Or did somebody take her?
I shiver at the sickening thought. Suddenly the seriousness of the situation slams into me like a truck. My normal life has turned into every mother’s nightmare in a matter of moments. I rush into my bedroom, kick off my muddy high heels, slip on some trainers, hitch up my skirt and run down the stairs.
‘Mum! What are you doing?’ Eva cries as I yank open the front door. ‘Where are you going?’
‘Stay in the house!’ I yell back. ‘I won’t be long. I’m going to look for your sister!’ Every second matters now. It could be the difference between finding Katie… and not.
Two
I head out onto the driveway, trying to quell the rising dread. To suppress the terror that’s threatening to bubble over. It will be fine. Katie’s just wandered off and I’ll spot her any minute and wonder why I was getting in such a state. On the pavement, I glance up and down the road again. I see a gaggle of teenage school kids on the opposite side of the street and I call out to them over the sound of rumbling traffic.
‘Excuse me!’
They don’t hear me.
‘Hey! Excuse me!’
One of them looks over. He nudges his friends, who all glance up at once, like meerkats.
‘Have you seen a little girl?’ I put my hand out to show her height. ‘Blonde hair?’
They shake their heads.
‘I live here.’ I point to the house. ‘If you see her can you come and let me know?’
They give me blank-eyed nods.
I realise I’m panting, shaking. Which way would she have gone? I turn left and start running. I should have brought my phone with me to call Robert. To call the police. I try not to think about the speeding cars. About a fact, stuck in my mind, that the main cause of child deaths in this country is traffic accidents. And then there are the other reasons. Darker possibilities.Don’t think about those.Any minute now, I’ll see my baby girl, I’m sure of it. I glance up a side street but there’s no sign of her, so I keep running.
When we first viewed our house, Robert had misgivings about the road. He said it was too busy. Could be dangerous for the girls. But I said it would be okay. What if I was wrong? What if she’s been knocked over by a car? It would be all my fault. I glance up the next side street. That’s empty too. What if I’m running in the wrong direction and she went the other way? I could be moving further from her all the time. And I’ve left Eva home alone. I should have asked Sherry and Paul to watch her. What if she decides to come out looking for me and gets lost too? This is hopeless.
I turn back, my breathing ragged, sweat gathering in my armpits and across my back.Katie, where are you?I turn around. I’ll go back home, get Eva and we’ll start searching, in the car this time. We can cover more ground that way. I’ll call Robert too. This can’t be happening… can it?
