‘Our bed… it smells like Sadie’s perfume.’
‘Sorry, what?’
‘Our bed smells like Sadie’s perfume. And I found one of her hairs. Well, two hairs actually – one on my pillow and one under the duvet.’ The words tumble out of my mouth before I realise what I’m saying.
‘What are you talking about?’ Robert glances at his watch.
I take a breath, realising that I have to follow this through. ‘I’m telling you that Sadie has been in our bed.’
‘Why would she…’ He breaks off when he sees my stony expression. ‘You don’t think… You’re not suggesting…’
‘I don’t know what to think, or to suggest. I’m just telling you what I found.’ It’s weird. I don’t feel angry, or upset. I just feel numb. Like I’m in shock or something.
‘Gemma.’ He gives a disbelieving laugh and takes a step towards me. ‘Show me this hair.’
I realise it’s still pinched between my fingers. I hold it out for him to see.
‘Sadie cleans in here, doesn’t she?’
I pick up my pillow. ‘Smell that.’ I hand it to him.
He does as I ask, wrinkling his nose a little. ‘That’s strong!’
‘So?’ I wait for him to give me an explanation. To admit something to me, but his face is darkening, his eyebrows knitting together.
‘For goodness sake, Gemma! You think I’ve… been in our bed with Sadie, is that it?’
‘No! I don’t know. But it’s pretty bloody odd, don’t you think? The perfume and the hair?’
‘Maybe it’s odd, or maybe there’s a perfectly innocent explanation. But I don’t know what it is, because I’ve got nothing to do with it! Okay? Why don’t we go and ask Sadie?’ He glances at his watch again. ‘And now we’re going to be late.’
‘You’re worried about being late for a golf-club dinner when I’ve just told you the nanny has been in our bed? Don’t you think this is a little more important?’
‘Actually, no, I don’t,’ Robert says, snapping. ‘Whatever you’ve found in our bed, it has nothing to do with me. Are you telling me you don’t trust me, is that it?’
‘Of course I trust you. But…’ I don’t know what to say next. Do I really believe Robert would sleep with Sadie? I sit down heavily on the bed. ‘I’ll have to change the bedding.’
‘Look, Gemma…’ Robert’s voice is soft. He comes and sits next to me on the bed. ‘I haven’t been in here with Sadie. You’re my wife and I love you. I don’t want to be with anyone else. And to be honest, it pisses me off that you could even think I would do that. Especially in our bed!’ His jaw clenches. ‘Now, can we please get going? My name is going to be mud all night if we don’t leave soon.’
‘Fine,’ I say, not sure what to think any more. Have I overreacted? Or have I not reactedenough? I don’t want to have a shouting match with my husband if he’s innocent, but I’m also not going to be taken for a fool. And if Robert is denying it, I don’t want to then go and accuse Sadie. My thoughts are too jumbled to think straight. The evidence is there. It’s clear. But my husband is a good man. He would never cheat on me. Not like this. Would he?
As I retrieve my satin shoes from the bottom of the wardrobe and follow Robert down the stairs, I try to swallow the lump in my throat. To even out my shallow breaths. To sniff back the threatening tears. I realise that it’s not just in my bedroom – Sadie’s perfume pervades the house. It’s everywhere, strong and sickly, stinging the back of my eyes and sticking in the back of my throat. She’s chipping away at my life, taking away its familiar shape bit by bit. Carving something new. Something unrecognisable. Something horrible…
Forty
We’re half an hour late to the dinner dance. It’s heaving inside the clubhouse, the normally sedate room now alive with silk dresses and black ties. The swing band is already playing and a few couples are standing around the dance floor deciding whether or not they’re drunk enough to dance yet. Diane lowers her thickly made-up eyelids across the room at me and Robert. Her frosty gaze telling us she’s not amused at our tardiness. But right now, I couldn’t give a shit about Diane’s offended sense of propriety. My mind is still churning over what I found in our bedroom. Robert is by my side, holding himself stiffly. His growing anger – or is it guilt? – radiating off him in almost visible waves. Far from the enjoyable and relaxing evening I was anticipating, tonight is going to be excruciating. But I’m just going to have to get through it. I can talk to Robert properly afterwards.
I go through the motions of greeting everyone, smiling, making small talk. Robert doesn’t even try. His responses are terse, unsmiling, and Diane keeps shooting me daggers as though I’m to blame for our lateness.
‘I’m getting a drink,’ Robert says, leaving my side and heading to the bar.
‘I’ll get my own then, shall I?’ I mumble. His initial reaction of confusion and denial has morphed into outrage at my veiled accusation. But what else was I supposed to do? Ignore the hairs and perfume? Pretend they didn’t exist?
‘Hi, Gemma.’
I turn to see James and Amelia standing behind me. James in a slightly too-tight dinner jacket, and Amelia almost blinding me in a floor-length silver sequined dress.
‘Wow! You look amazing,’ I say.
