Now that I’ve started to set my working life in order, it’s time to sort out my domestic life.
When I get home, the house is calm. A tantalising smell of lasagne pervades the downstairs. Robert is out with a client. I know I should probably wait for him to get back before I do this, but he’ll only try to talk me out of it. He’s adamant that we keep Sadie. I know what he means when he says that everything runs more smoothly with her around. But in certain circumstances, there’s a lot to be said for a bit of well-ordered chaos.
Could there be something going on between Robert and Sadie? If not a full-blown affair, then some mild flirting. Some unrequited lust? I don’t know, but Diane’s words at the golf club shook me up a bit. She hinted that her husband cheated on her and she let him get away with it. She thinks Robert might be doing the same thing and she wants me to turn a blind eye too. Ironically, her comments have made me more determined to act. I won’t be like Diane, keeping everything going for appearance’s sake. And I won’t allow Robert the opportunity to talk me out of this decision again. Things still aren’t right between us since the dinner dance. I need to do this before he gets home. He isn’t due back until after eight.
I was going to arrange to meet up with Rebecca – see if she actually knows anything. But what if she really was just talking nonsense at the dinner dance? If I go to her with questions about Sadie, it will be all over school by the end of the week. Rebecca will take huge delight in spreading that kind of gossip. She’ll pretend to be sympathetic, all the while loving every minute of it. And I can’t afford for the girls to hear a whisper of this.No.The best thing to do is to take action and face this head-on.
I go upstairs. Sadie and the girls are in Eva’s room doing homework. I walk in and the girls jump up and come over to give me a hug.
‘Hello, babies, how are you?’
‘We’re not babies!’ Eva says, extricating herself from my arms.
‘I know.’ I stroke her cheek. ‘You’re already a mini-adult,’ I say.
‘Am I a mini-adult?’ Katie asks.
‘You’re the mini-est adult of all.’
Katie beams.
‘Eva’s doing really well with her test papers,’ Sadie says, her voice neutral. ‘Her English and Verbal Reasoning are wonderful. We just need to concentrate on her Maths now.’
‘That’s great to hear.’ I give Sadie a measured smile that doesn’t reach my eyes.
‘We’re finished now,’ she says, standing up. ‘We can carry on tomorrow.’
‘Thanks, Sadie. I’ll take over with the baths and bedtime stories.’
‘Are you sure?’
I nod, irritated by the suggestion that I wouldn’t want to do this. We have the same exchange almost every evening. And she always asks me if I’m sure.
Sadie kisses the girls goodnight and leaves the room. I hear her climbing the attic stairs and exhale once she’s gone, my limbs losing their tension. When we first hired her, I had visions of us sharing cosy cups of tea and chatting about the children together. Of her becoming a friend, like part of the family. Instead, she’s become someone I want to avoid. Somehow, she makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home.
While I run the children’s bath, I think back to that unfashionable, greasy-haired, innocent girl who came for an interview with us a few weeks ago. It’s like she’s metamorphosed before our eyes. Was it all just an act to get herself hired? I really think it might have been. I don’t care if she wasn’t that girl, but it’s the pretence that bothers me. Why couldn’t she have come here as herself? Did she think she was too pretty to be hired as a live-in nanny? Maybe. And, if I’m honest with myself, would I have hired her looking as she does now? MaybeI’mthe problem? Perhaps it says something about mine and Robert’s relationship that I don’t trust him around a pretty girl. But would any woman want temptation put there? And aren’t I just assuming that Sadie is equally untrustworthy? I push these unpleasant thoughts away. It makes no difference. However right or wrong I am to assume, I still don’t trust her.
I want Sadie to leave our house right now, but she hasn’t actually done anything overtly wrong. I can’t just sack her without pay; there are laws against that type of thing. But now that I have Damien to take over some of the heavy lifting at work, it will free me up to spend more time with the girls. My heart flutters with excitement at the thought of reclaiming my house, my children, my husband.
Once the girls are bathed and in their pyjamas, I tuck Katie into her bed. Eva comes and crawls under the duvet at the opposite end and I sit and read a chapter from a book in their latest favourite series,The Twins at St Clare’s. Katie is almost asleep by the time I’ve turned the final page.
‘Can I have a few minutes on my phone to chat to Lauren?’ Eva asks.
I kiss Katie goodnight and get to my feet, taking Eva’s hand and pulling her up. ‘You know the rules; no devices after seven o’clock. I’m probably not as exciting as Lauren, but you can chat tomeif you like? Or you can have some time in your room to read.’
‘Okay,’ Eva says with a sigh. ‘Can we chat? And then I’ll read?’
‘Yes. I would love that.’ Hopefully I can coax a smile out of my eldest daughter. I miss her smiles.
I lead her out of Katie’s room, switching off the light.
‘Can you leave the hall light on?’ Katie calls out sleepily.
‘Okay. Night, night.’
I follow Eva into her room, where we spend the next half hour chatting about school and her friends and how many likes she got on her last Instagram post and what she’s going to dress up as for Halloween. Apparently, Sadie has offered to help the girls make their costumes. I make a mental note to sort out Halloween costumes with the girls at the weekend.
Pretty soon, Eva is yawning and I’m tucking her into her bed, resisting the urge to climb in with her and fall asleep myself. But then I remember I have something urgent I need to do.
