The afternoon ticks by and soon we’re all back down on the shore, cheering the men’s race. My paranoia from earlier is back in full force and, although I can’t spot Lucinda anywhere, I’m aware of people looking over at me and then sliding their gazes away. I feel as though I have a sign stuck to my forehead. Do they know about the audit? I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s such a small town and rumours spread so quickly. Once again, I try to shrug off my anxieties. To tell myself I’m overtired and stressed and imagining things. It doesn’t help that I’m really hot and my shoes are killing me. I take a breath and tell myself to calm down and try to enjoy the day. I’m an adult having a lovely day out by the lake with my friends. I should focus on that, and not on some ridiculous gossipy locals. Even if they do know about the audit,so what?
I take a few more steadying breaths and turn my attention back to the speeding boats on the lake, forcing myself to focus on the race. I love how Ed was nervously excited at competing in his first event. And yet a win by Ed would be devastating to Nathan’s ego, which would mean he’d be in a bad mood all evening. So, much as I don’t want Ed to do badly, I hope with every fibre of my being that Nathan bags the gold medal. I’ve never been this nervous about the outcome of a race before.
I didn’t have to worry. Nathan won easily and he’s now on a high, charming everyone and even being gracious towards Ed, who came third from last. But Ed doesn’t seem upset or disappointed. He seems genuinely happy for Nathan.
Back in our early twenties, when I used to go out with Ed, his laid-back attitude used to frustrate me. I perceived it as laziness, as a lack of ambition. But I realise now that it’s what makes Ed such a lovely person – he works hard, but he isn’t obsessed with winning. His career comes second to his family and he isn’t afraid to wear his family-man badge with pride. He doesn’t see it as a weakness, but as a strength.
While Nathan regales us all with a blow-by-blow account of the race, Ed slings his arm around his wife and gathers his kids in towards him, dropping kisses onto their heads. I swallow down the bitter taste that I might be just the tiniest bit jealous of Tia.
Nathan finally brings his race story to a close. ‘Bad luck, Ed. Better stick to cooking.’
‘There’s always next year,’ Ed replies.
Nathan grins. ‘Bring it.’
I catch sight of Kelly, who’s hanging back from all the banter. She’s gazing out across the lake and I realise how hard today must have been for her. Aside from all the earlier drama with Ryan, the regatta always used to be about Michael. He was an accomplished sailor who used to win every race he entered. If he was still alive today, it would have been him with the gold medal, and not Nathan. Not that Kelly ever cared about who won, but I wouldn’t blame her if she left before the prize-giving ceremony. So many painful memories.
Kelly catches me staring and I give her a smile.
She returns it half-heartedly. ‘Guys, I think we’re going to head off now.’ She glances around to locate Sonny and Ryan.
‘Finally,’ Ryan mutters.
‘Do we have to go?’ Sonny asks. ‘I want to stay till the end.’
‘It’s almost the end,’ I say. ‘That was the last race.’
Sonny sighs. ‘I wish it could last forever. I like it when everyone’s here together. It feels really nice. Like it used to be with Dad.’
This brings a lump to my throat and I turn away so the kids can’t see the tears that are threatening. Michael was a lovely man. Steady and calm. He was a great dad to his boys and it’s heartbreaking that he’s no longer around. I feel like I probably haven’t been a good enough friend to Kelly over the past few months. She’s one of those people who never asks for anything, but always tries to be there for everyone else. I resolve to do more for her. To help out with the boys. I know I’ll probably never have any children of my own, but I love Ryan and Sonny, so I’ll get more involved with them. I’d love to be the sort of person who they feel they could talk to about anything. Another grown-up who has their back.
We all help Kelly gather up her things and then kiss her goodbye. I manage to give Sonny a quick hug, but Ryan hangs back, so I just give him a short wave and a smile. I’m gratified that he returns it. That kid is so angry, yet so adorable. When he smiles, you feel as though you’ve won a prize.
After Kelly and the boys have gone, Ed ropes Nathan into going with him to the mini funfair with Leo and Rosie, and I find myself left alone with Tia. I sit on one of the camping chairs and start rummaging through my handbag for my phone, just for something to do.
Tia comes over with the remains of the champagne and two plastic glasses.
‘Not for me, thanks.’
‘One glass won’t hurt, Fi. Live a little.’
I grit my teeth and try not to huff out loud as she pours two measures and hands me one.
‘Cheers.’ She knocks her glass against mine and pulls up another camping chair, plopping down heavily into it. ‘Today must have been rough on Kels.’
I nod in agreement. ‘How do you ever get over losing the love of your life, the father of your kids? Everything today must have reminded her of him.’
‘I’d die if I lost Ed.’
‘Yeah.’ I think about how I’d feel if Nathan died. And then I try desperately to think about anything else.
‘So, what’s been going on with you, Fiona?’
I sense an element of snark in her voice. Something that’s been let loose by the champagne she’s consumed.
‘Same old.’ I don’t particularly want to share my troubles with Tia.
‘So, there’s nothing you’d like to tell me?’
