I blink. Can he really not see what the problem is? I gulp down air and manage to croak out the words, ‘Where’s Seth?’
‘What are you talking about? He’s there.’ Dad discreetly points to the stranger standing where my fiancé should be.
My stomach drops. So Dad thinks that man is Seth. I don’t understand. Is this some kind of elaborate prank? If it is, it’s not very funny. Not even a little bit. I feel Dad’s annoyance. It’s coming off him in waves. ‘Come on, Alice, I thought you loved the man. Why are you having second thoughts now? Is it nerves?’ Dad runs a hand through wavy grey hair thicker and more lustrous than that of most men half his age.
My heart is thumping and my brain feels so woolly; I wonder if I might be having some kind of a breakdown. Perhaps the stress of the wedding is catching up with me, manifesting itself in this weird way. Everyone is really staring now. The smiles have been replaced by confused frowns, whispers, a couple of stifled giggles. Alongside my confusion, I’m absolutely mortified. Should I go ahead with the ceremony to save face? Should I tell everyone what’s really going on? What would they say if I told them I don’t recognise my husband-to-be?
I open my mouth to try to explain, but nothing comes out. What could I even say?See that man over there who you all seem to think is Seth ... well, he’s not. I’ve never seen him before in my life. I can’t say that. I can’t say anything.
To my further dismay, tears begin to prick behind my eyes.
I vaguely notice someone coming up the aisle towards me.
‘Alice, are you okay?’ It’s one of my bridesmaids, Miriam. She’s a work colleague and a good friend. Her sleek, dark hair brushesmy cheek as she puts an arm around me. I cling on to her like a drowning woman holds a lifebuoy.
I don’t know what to say, but her kindness has given rise to the threatened tears. I feel them slide down my cheeks. Taste them on my lips. Miriam’s concern has galvanised more guests to get to their feet. A few are asking Dad what’s going on. It’s all too much. I want to just sink into the floor and disappear.
‘What’s wrong?’ asks an older woman on the groom’s side.
‘Nothing,’ Dad replies gruffly. ‘She’ll be fine in a minute.’
‘Does she need to sit down? Maybe some fresh air,’ someone suggests.
‘Has she changed her mind?’ a woman asks.
‘Alice.’ A deep, commanding voice cuts through the growing hubbub.
I glance up to see the man who isn’t Seth walking up the aisle towards me. Miriam squeezes my shoulder and steps back. The wayward guests part to let him through. The sight of him – tall, broad, handsome and real – is entirely unnerving. His eyes are hooded and his mouth hangs slightly open as though he’s about to say something else. I stumble backwards, trying to get away, holding a hand out to ward him off, the other hand still gripping my bouquet. His close proximity makes it hard for me to breathe. I can’t explain it, but I don’t want him to speak or even look at me.
‘Please ... can you not come any closer?’ I ask. I’m too embarrassed, too scared to say that I don’t know him. That I’ve never seen him before in my life, when everyone else clearly believes he’s the groom.
‘Alice, what’s going on?’ He frowns and takes another step towards me.
‘Dad!’ I clutch my father’s sleeve. ‘Tell him to stay where he is.’ Waves of unease flood my body at the sight of him. A primal feeling of danger.
‘You’d better stay where you are, son,’ my dad says reluctantly before turning back to me. ‘Has something happened? Did he do something to you?’
‘What?’ the stranger cries, his whole body stiffening. ‘I haven’t done anything. What is this, Alice? Do you not want to get married?’ His words hang in the air, loud and shocking.
Whispers fill the church as our guests realise there might not be a wedding today after all.
‘I don’t believe this,’ the stranger mutters, shaking his head and pulling at his collar.
‘Of course she wants to get married!’ Dad replies.
Not-Seth glances from my father to me and back again, his expression growing darker by the second. ‘I think I need to hear that from Alice,’ he replies. ‘She doesn’t look certain.’ I can’t tell if he’s upset or angry. Possibly both. ‘Alice, talk to me,’ he says softly, desperately. ‘Are you okay? Is it nerves? Are you ill?’
I daren’t catch his eye. Instead, I snatch glances to examine his features, trying to compare them with Seth’s, to pinpoint what it is about him that’s different. But I can’t do it. My mind is fuzzy. I’m suddenly exhausted. I realise I haven’t replied yet, but I don’t know how to tell him that I’ve never seen him before in my life.
‘Alice?’ my father prompts, using his trying-to-be-patient voice. ‘Seth wants to know if you still intend to marry him. I think he deserves an answer, don’t you?’
In my head I’m screaming,That’s not Seth!But I daren’t voice my fears aloud. Not when it’s clear I still seem to be the only one who doesn’t recognise him. I glance wildly around the church for an ally. For someone who might say aloud what I’m thinking. But no one speaks out. No one is looking at him with suspicion. They’re all looking atme.
Standing with the other bridesmaids, my younger sister Elizabeth tries to catch my eye. She’s frowning and mouthingsomething, but I can’t have a conversation with her across the crowded church, so I don’t respond.
Mum is making her way nervously up the aisle towards me from the front pew where she’s been sitting with Dad’s brother, Uncle Matthew, and her younger sisters Aunty Amanda and Aunty Rachel, who are still seated, but are gazing my way with worried expressions.
‘Are you all right, Alice?’ Mum says quietly, coming alongside me. ‘Maybe we should go outside and have a chat?’
