“Then they don’t deserve to know anything about your life unless you want them to.”
I sighed heavily but nodded.
“You play beautifully, London. I could listen to you all night.”
My eyes flew to his, pleasure rippling through me. “I’m a little rusty.”
“Your little rusty is better than I could ever hope to play.”
“Thank you.” Our eyes held again and that tension that twanged between us like a taut guitar string made my breath hitch.
When it seemed to be stretching to its breaking point, Murray abruptly pushed off the couch. “Well, I’m up early tomorrow, so I think I’ll head to bed. ’Night, London.”
“Uh … good night!” I called because he was already out of the room.
I glanced at my watch.
It was only eight o’clock.
With a heavy sigh, I stood and unlocked the French doors that led out onto the deck. The wind blew harshly through my hair, but it felt good on my heated skin as I leaned against the glass balustrade to stare out at the waves. The sun had overwhelmed the rain later in the afternoon and now it cast the water in rays of orange and pink and yellow, like paint splatter across an ever-moving dark gray canvas. The dichotomy of it felt like my relationship with Murray.
He made me feel lighter, safer, kinder to myself. I found myself opening to him without even trying, telling him things I hadn’t told anyone but Nee.
And then he went and ran away from me, throwing a wall up between us in doing so. I didn’t even get a chance to talk to him about us doing a better job of pretending to be married in public.
I’d spent my whole life turning how people treated me back on myself. Feeling a certain way about myself based on their actions.
I didn’t want to do that anymore.
I wanted to find a way to love me not because Nee loved me or Murray thought I was brave … and I didn’t want to hate myself because Nick zeroed in on all my insecurities orbecause Murray made it clear he didn’t want anything romantic happening between us.
I wanted to learn to love myself.
Murray had asked something so simple and yet so profound.“Why do we always blame ourselves for other people’s bad actions?”
No more, I decided, staring out at the light that so desperately tried to hold back the dark. I could only control my own actions, no one else’s. And I wasn’t going to use other people’s actions to dictate how I felt about myself anymore.
If Murray wanted to keep a distance between us, that was probably for the best, considering my own complicated emotions.
I could accept that without feeling bad about it.
I could.
Or at least I vowed Iwould.
13.London
Taran Macbeth had moved into her fiancé Quinn’s home just outside of Leth Sholas. It was on the east coast, however, making it a twenty-five-minute journey from Murray’s house.
It was a Friday, so I met Taran in the charity shop to give her half the proceeds. From there, we jumped into her car and drove to her and Quinn’s place. I knew she was full of questions and I could feel her concern, but she was holding her tongue until we met Cammie and Nee at her house.
Usually, we met on Fridays to catch up with one another. Sometimes we moved the day around to accommodate everyone’s schedule, and we hadn’t met on a regular basis for months but when we did, we always met in Taran’s late mom’s coffee shop and bookstore, Pages & Perks. However, considering the delicate nature of what the ladies wished to discuss with me, Taran had suggested we meet at a less public venue.
Taran grew up on the island and had fallen in love with Quinn, her best friend, when they were just kids. Cammie was Quinn’s little sister, so the three of them had been close. However, when Taran ventured off to college on the mainland, it put a strain on her and Quinn’s relationship, leading to their eventual breakup. Taran had returned to the island a fewmonths later to reconcile, only to discover that Quinn had a drunken one-night stand with an islander named Kiera—and she was pregnant.
Quinn married Kiera and they had their daughter Heather. Their son, Angus, followed some years later, but the couple divorced not long after he was born. Kiera remarried and moved to the mainland.
Taran had stayed away from Glenvulin for eighteen years, she was so badly affected by their breakup. But when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, Taran came home. She promised her mom she’d look after her beloved store, and so when her mom died, Taran stayed. My arrival was around the same time, and I guess we kind of both felt like traumatized outsiders.
