“When you first got here, I think I knew what you’d been through,” I confessed. “There was something in the way you were around men that reminded me of my mum.”
London’s eyes shimmered in the light. “Really?”
I nodded. “Aye.”
“I think I knew that,” she said. “There was something about the way you are around me. I feel … safe. And as much as I appreciate it, I need you to know I’m not made of glass.”
An uncomfortable feeling twinged in my chest. “Do I make you feel like that?”
“Sometimes. But now I get why.” London reached out to pat me on the knee. “Did you … is that when you took over your dad’s business?”
Even though I was still considering her comment, I nodded. “Aye, he had a boat, a small crew. Back then it was all just smaller crews on the west coast. You know, the only thing I ever really knew about my father, beyond his awful temper, was his love for fishing and being out on the water. All those years in the same house, I didn’t know much else about him. I mean, I picked up tidbits here and there about my grandparents and I have a feeling they weren’t good parents either, that he didn’t have the nicest childhood. My dad didn’t break that cycle.”
“But you did.”
“Aye. And I also wasn’t just content with struggling to get by on the catch a small crew brought in. There’s a multimillion-pound fishing company in the northeast. I knew there was room for that in the Hebrides.”
“And you did it. You built that here.” London considered me. “So you had a serious childhood and then you put all this pressure on yourself to grow the company … then you met Jill. Who was fun.”
Realizing she understood, I nodded. “Aye. Jill was like taking a big exhale after holding my breath for years. She made me laugh. She loved to dance and sing. We had fun together.” I shrugged, rubbing a hand over my beard, a bit sheepish. “She was beautiful and seemingly carefree. When she got pregnant, Imarried her even though we weren’t in love, hoping we would get there. During her pregnancy I started to see a depressive side to her. I knew her life with her mum wasn’t good, though she never, ever confessed to me the details. I could only guess. And there is a part of me that sympathizes and realizes that her substance abuse probably stems from some very bad memories.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“She just … never let me in or tried to deal with it and when Kelly came along, that’s when she really changed. She would get jealous of Kelly. Then when she realized there was no way I would lessen my affection for my daughter to make her feel better, she just completely detached. I wish I’d ended it a long time ago instead of putting Kelly through that.”
“It sounds like Jill should have sought therapy. That just … it makes it so much harder because as much as I’m angry even just looking from the outside in … Jill is a person with her own unresolved trauma. And that’s sad.”
Anger flushed through me, but I kept my tone calm as I replied, “I rationally know that and that’s why there’s a part of me still worried for her. But every time that worry creeps in, so does the contempt and outrage for the danger she caused my child.”
“I think that’s only to be expected.”
“Kelly … I think the reason she walked out tonight when you offered to teach her to play piano is because music was the one good thing she had with Jill. It was the one thing we all had in common. Jill can’t play an instrument, but she loves music, and it was the only time she spent with Kelly where there was a softness, a thread of affection, between them. Then the music would stop and Jill detached again.”
London’s lips parted as if surprised.
“What is it?”
She gave a slight shake of her head. “It’s just … the parallels. The only time I ever felt any admiration from my parents was when I played. It was the only time they were warm to me. Just like Jill and Kelly.”
“And that’s why you never played piano again?” I thought it was a damn shame not just because London played so well but I could see how much shelovedplaying.
“Yeah. Typical teenager. I was trying to hurt them for hurting me, and it’s taken me all these years to realize …” Her gaze moved toward the piano. “I probably hurt myself more.”
“You missed playing.”
“I missed playing.”
“You don’t have to miss it anymore. You can play anytime you want.”
She gave me a sweet smile. “Thank you. I think I will.”
“Good.” The urge to bridge the distance between us and taste her mouth was so intense, my fingers gripped hard around my cooling mug.
London’s eyes flared ever so slightly as she felt the sudden tension too.
Not wanting her to feel my attraction and be discomforted by it, I jerked my gaze away and asked her about her favorite musicians. We had a few in common. Some I hadn’t heard of. Some I had and offered her recommendations from my collection based on her likes.
“Do you think if you hadn’t walked away from music, that’s what you would be doing with your life instead of being a chef? I know you have stage fright, but you could have composed or done any number of things that don’t involve public performances,” I said after a while. This desire to know everything about her kept me in that music room, even though the minutes were stealing the night away with a swiftness that denied me more and more sleep.
