35.London
Because of my crazy body clock, I woke before Murray did. I didn’t mind. I liked watching him sleep. He looked so much more at peace in sleep. The only time Murray had appeared relaxed in the past two weeks was when we were here, in his room, making love or fucking.
Last night had definitely been fucking. I squeezed my thighs together at the memory.
We’d had sex every night for the past three weeks. Three weeks of surreal, nighttime magic, our intimacy building, but also our trust. Things were so good between us, I’d felt encouraged enough to ask him to take charge more, do what felt good to him too. I never thought I’d feel safe enough to give up control with a partner, but with Murray, I didn’t feel like I was giving up control. I trusted if something wasn’t working for me, he’d stop in an instant. As it was, I had teeth marks on my fingers from having to bite down on my cries of pleasure as Murray took me hard last night.
We’d both fallen asleep a few minutes after coming, so replete from our epic orgasms.
There had been many times I wanted to tell him I loved him, but something kept holding me back.
I knew it was fear.
And it frustrated the heck out of me.
We were still sneaking around, hiding our physical relationship from Kelly, but she was aware we had gone on a date a few nights ago, so we were taking steps toward being out in the open.
In terms of outside forces, it had been the most peaceful three weeks since our marriage started. No threats from Nick. Nothing from Jill.
The Walsh situation hung over us like a death knell, but at least we had a reprieve from the threat of them for a while.
Murray and I had taken advantage of the quiet to explore each other’s minds and bodies. We’d even sung together in the music room, and if Kelly hadn’t been in the room, it would have probably ended up with us going at it on the floor.
Unable to help myself, I began exploring Murray’s body as he slept. I’d never felt possessive over a man before, but as my palm smoothed down his hard stomach, I felt a fierce ownership over him that surprised me. Especially considering it would probably freak me out if he felt the same way about me. Nick thought he owned me and look where that got me.
But this wasn’t like that, I realized. I didn’t think IownedMurray. But I did think of him as mine, and there was a nuanced difference between ownership and belonging to someone.
If he thought of me as his, I wouldn’t mind that at all, smiling to myself as my hand slid over his cock. It started to grow hot and hard in my grip and Murray groaned, his eyes flickering open.
It took a few seconds for sleep to drift out of his expression and realization to dawn. His gaze turned tender and hot. “When will it be enough, woman?” he teased.
Laughing, I squeezed him hard and he grunted, hips jerking into my touch. “Never,” I teased back. “I’m insatiable.”
“We don’t have time,” he groaned regretfully.
“We do if we shower together.”
“Hmm.” Murray’s lids lowered over his eyes sleepily.
Guilt suffused me and I released him, pressing a kiss to his chest. “You sleep.”
“What?” His eyes flew open and he reached for me, tugging me back into bed. “No, where are you going? You leave for Glasgow today. This is my last chance with you before you go.”
Laughing, I tried to pull away, unsuccessfully. “I’ll be back on Sunday, not next year. And you’re exhausted. You shouldn’t have to get up at the ass crack of dawn just because I do.”
“Maybe you could finally talk to Tierney and you wouldn’t have to either.”
Part of me wanted to be annoyed that Murray kept pushing the subject of my job at the B and B, but I knew he only wanted me to be happy. “It’s not the right time.”
“When will be the right time?”
“After the baby comes, maybe?”
“A ghràidh, if you are waiting for the perfect time, trust me, there is none. Especially once a child comes along. Tierney is always going to have something else going on in her life. But I cannot imagine after watching how close you two are that she would ever want you to stay in a situation that doesn’t make you happy.”
But I owed her.
I looked away, disappointed. “You don’t understand.”
