Jamie’s eyes bounced between mine for a beat before he looked away. “You don’t have to lie. You’re an adult, Daisy. You can do what you want.”
A part of me found it funny that he thought I was lying. I was always an open book to Jamie, but he wasn’t looking closely enough now. “He doesn’t treasure the kids the way I do,” I murmured to Jamie, fingers tightening around his palm. “How can I be with someone who doesn’t love one of the biggest parts of me?”
Jamie said nothing. He was probably thinking,That’s what I’ve been saying all along.
I drew in a deep breath, savoring the scent of Jamie so close. We’d never dance like this again—there’d be no reason to. We rarely ever hugged. This was probably one of the last times I’d be in his arms like this, swaying to the band in the middle of the grand ballroom.
“I should’ve called you Wednesday,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “Not him.”
I wanted to confirm the butterflies I’d been feeling weren’t for him,I would’ve said if I was brave.That they were for you.
It barely made any sense, but I’d needed to know, once and for all. I needed to cut any and all ties. But in a way,maybe it was a good thing I’d called Dalton—it saved me from making a fool of myself in front of Jamie.
“I’m sorry for stringing you along with all this,” I went on, feeling bolder with my eyes closed. “The fake relationship, dealing with Dalton, the miscommunication. I’m sorry for making you do this for me.”
“You never made me do anything, Daze,” Jamie murmured. “I did it all because I wanted to.”
“You didn’t.” I blinked my eyes open, finding his chin tipped down as he looked at me. “You said it. ‘The things I do for you, Daisy Carmichael.’”
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to.”
“You kissed my neck that night because you wanted to?”
Jamie, as the jazz music swelled, said nothing.
“See?” Even though my throat felt tight, I forced myself to smile. “I took for granted how selfless you are, Jamie. And I’m sorry.”
“Just—stop.” A muscle in his jaw jumped, something hard passing over his gaze. “I’m not selfless.”
“You’re more selfless than me.” And then the words I’d been thinking for weeks finally, horrifyingly, slipped out. “Because if you would’ve kissed me that night, I would’ve kissed you back.”
I had one second of blissful unawareness before I realized what I had said.
Jamie suddenly stopped dancing. His feet froze on the dance floor, cutting us off mid-step, a strange expression stiffening on his face. “What do you mean,” Jamie began slowly, “you would have kissed me back?”
Panic. Pure, undiluted panic. It shot through me like electricity, zapping every nerve ending. There was no taking back the sudden confession, no laughing it off—not with the intense way Jamie stared down at me, as if I’d said the absolute last thing he’d ever expected.
I gaped up at him for only a moment before my fight-or-flight instinct kicked in. Without thinking, I wrenched out of Jamie’s arms and immediately spun on my heel, nearly wobbling in the stilt-like shoes, and rushed off the dance floor as quickly as I could.
Nellie’s face grew in my peripheral as she tried to catch me mid-flee. “Now?” she whispered as I passed, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t even look at her, world tilting too violently to look anywhere other than straight ahead.
I left the ballroom, snaking down the hallway, escaping without really thinking about where I was stumbling off to. It made sense that I ultimately found myself pushing open the heavy door to the library, the dim light warm and inviting and nothing like the bright room I’d left behind.Idiot, I thought to myself, kneading the heel of my hand into my forehead.Idiot, idiot, idiot.
I partially blamed it on Nellie for putting the idea of confessing fresh in my mind, but this was my fault. My fault for letting these feelings get as invasive as they had. My fault for not nipping things in the bud earlier.
The sound of the door opening behind me had my skin prickling all over again.
“Daisy.”
Of course Jamie had followed me. He always would.
I actually debated going over to the windows andseeing if they’d open. We were on the ground floor. A totally doable drop.
“Answer me,” Jamie said from behind me, the words like a compulsion in my head. “What do you mean you would’ve kissed me back that night?”
“I would’ve kissed you.” I didn’t want to face him, but I found myself turning almost as if someone else controlled me now, lifting my arms helplessly. “I almost did at Lydia’s party. Five seconds, Jamie. Heck,two. Two more seconds, and I would’ve kissed you. I’ve been going crazy thinking about it. These past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about it.” I scrubbed a hand down my face, effectively smearing Nellie’s hard work with my makeup. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”
Jamie’s eyes were wide—wider than I’d ever seen them behind the frames of his glasses. Freaked out. Had to be. “This whole time.” He took a slow step further into the library, closer to me. “You’ve thought about kissing methiswhole time?”
