“I’m just saying. Mom didn’ttry hard. She put a pizza in the oven then sat on the couch. Don’t praise her for the bare minimum.” She dropped her voice, but we all still heard it. “She was more like a babysitter.”
Junie suddenly slapped Penn on the arm, the sound echoing in the entryway. “Don’t call her that!”
Penn whirled around, knocking Junie’s hand back. “Don’t hit me!”
“Stop,” I ordered, moving Theo out of the way so I could step between them. “Penelope, Juniper,stop it?—”
“Mom’s not a babysitter.” Junie reached around me and slapped Penn again, this time catching her in the chest. “She’s our mom! Daisy is our babysitter, not Mom!”
“Daisy is oursister.” Penn tried to grab Junie’s wrist with one hand, pushing at her shoulder with the other. “And Daisy’s been more of a mom than Mom has!”
I crouched down and got my arms around Junie’s middle when she let out the biggest gasp, as if Penn had personally insultedherand not Mom. Granted, of course it was wrong for Penn to throw a dig at Mom, but Junietook it as a declaration of war. She wrenched herself around in my grip, pulling an arm free.
And when she swung her arm back to throw a closed-fist punch, ready to turn a sister argument into a full-on brawl in the entryway, her elbow slammed into my eye socket.
Stars shattered across my vision, and I fell back on my butt, pulling Junie down with me. Theo yelled that I squished his foot and Ivy screamed as ifshewas the one who’d taken a bony elbow to the face, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than the pain and keeping a death grip on the temper begging to be released.
Instinctively, I thought about NYU.Think about NYU.
Now, instead of comforting, my useless mantra made meangry.
I don’t want to do this, I wanted to say—to scream. I wanted to throw my hands up in the air, let them beat each other to a pulp, and be done with it. I didn’t want to be like their mom—at that moment, with a headache coming on, I didn’t even want to be like their sister.I don’t want to do this anymore.
Junie pulled herself up off me, and I let her, holding my hand over my pulsing eye. In a small voice, she murmured, “Sorry, Daisy.”
I bit down on my tongue, clenching my jaw so tightly I was sure my teeth would shatter. They were kids. They didn’t know any better. They’d been through hell and back. I couldn’t be mad at them. It wasn’t fair.
Except I was, and I hated myself even more for it.
I felt fingers on my forehead, and I opened my one eye to find Theo pushing my hair out of my face the same way I’d done to him moments ago. “Sorry, Daisy,” he echoed.
“The bus is here,” Penn said awkwardly.
The four hours of sleeping caught up to me all at once. I was too tired to even properly lift my head, still cupping a hand over my eye. The same eye the stupid cup had hit last week.I don’t want to do this anymore. “Have a good day.”
I deluded myself into thinking their silence meant they nodded. Penn opened the door, grabbed Theo’s hand, and they began filtering out of the house. Junie was the last one, and after a moment of hesitating on the threshold, she shut the door behind her, leaving me alone.
Life hadn’t always been this chaotic. At nine, Penn used to sleep in my bed more times than not so we could chat until we fell asleep. Junie, at seven, had been more attached to Mom’s hip, and Ivy, at three, had been more content to play with toys by herself. Dad had been gone at work a lot, but it was like he’d gotten his second wind when he’d come home, filling the entire house with more life.
And then he died. He’d worked an entire day, had been coming home to the brightness of his family, only for it to be snuffed out ten minutes before he would’ve pulled into the driveway.
Pressure choked my throat, and I dug the heel of my hand into my eyes, sparking the pain further. It did no good to look at the past, but sometimes I wondered. If he’d still been here, would I be going to college in the fall? If hehadn’t died, would I have delved as deep into art as I had? Would NYU have outright rejected me instead of waitlisting me? Would I have different dreams entirely?
Would I be happier than I was now?
The negativity nipped at me, ready to swallow me whole, but I had no energy to push to my feet and find my sketchbook. Instead, I closed my eyes, giving in to the black abyss.
The front door suddenly swung inward, and I half expected the soft, teary voice of Junie coming back to apologize. But the footfalls were too heavy, and when I blinked my eyes open, I found legs that belonged to someone very tall.
“Daisy?” Jamie asked. “Why are you on the floor?”
I took a step back from the ledge of the abyss. “Checking to see if there’s a draft.”
Jamie ignored my sarcasm and crouched in front of me. I could smell his bodywash, and when I looked at him, I realized his hair was still partially damp. The dark roots were drier, but his ends flecked water onto his glasses. “What’s wrong?” His fingers wrapped around my wrist and he gently pried my hand off my face. “What happened?”
I found myself momentarily caught off guard by the intensity in his gaze, and our level eyes reminded me too much of last night. I pulled my hand out of Jamie’s, swallowing hard. “It’s fine.” I winced as I touched my eyebrow, the whole socket aching. “It’s not a day in the Carmichael house unless someone comes away bruised. Usually me.”
Jamie didn’t laugh, but he did offer a handto help me up. Mine was small in his, almost swallowed as his fingers curled. “Are you okay?” He looked at me far too seriously for my liking.
