Jamie pulled his hand out of mine to nudge his glasses up his nose, looking sharply away. “The fake relationship. It was never about getting him to leave you alone, was it?” he demanded. “This was just to make him jealous. To make him want you more.”
“It—it wasn’t, not really?—”
“But you knew it would do that. You knew it would make him want you more. That he’d want you even more because it wasme.”
I couldn’t deny it, because Ihadknown that. And I’d kept it to myself.
Jamie let out a slow breath, reaching two fingers up underneath the lens of his glasses and rubbing into his eye. “I can’t even be mad,” he muttered, a corner of his lips tugged up, but it wasn’t a smile. “I let you use me, Daze. And I’d do it all over again.”
It felt like he’d reached in and yanked something from my chest, something important.
You have me wrapped around your finger,he’d said.The things I do for you, Daisy Carmichael.
Dalton’s words from the car ride home echoed in my mind.He’d never say no to you. Because he’d do anything for you… doesn’t mean he loves you.
“Why didn’t you kiss me?” The question was quiet, nearly stolen away by the breeze. Maybe it should’ve been. Maybe it was the wrong time to ask it, but after tonight, I wasn’t sure there’d ever be a good time to ask him. “The night at Lydia’s party. Why—why didn’t you kiss me?”
My heart skipped so many beats in my chest it was a wonder I remained upright, holding perfectly still while Jamie stared me down. There was no line between his brows anymore, no confusion or anger. Instead, his expression was flat, hollow, as if the question meant absolutely nothing to him. “Because I want my first kiss to be real,” he said at last, no mercy in his tone. “And with you, it wouldn’t have been.”
My lips parted in a silent gasp. “It wouldn’t have?”
Jamie looked away. “It would’ve been fake,” he said, the words so low they nearly trembled. “The same way these past few weeks have been.”
Fake. To hear the word on his lips was like a blow, the same way it’d been last summer when Dalton stood on my porch with our relationship in a box. Except Jamie’s hands were empty and this wasn’t a breakup. This was my own delusion shattering at my feet.
Just because he kept all my drawings didn’t mean he had feelings for me.
Just because he kept a piece of paper in his pocket didn’t mean he loved me.
And just because he agreed to fake date me didn’t mean he wanted to date me for real.
It’s easy to confuse love and friendship.My throat tightened. It truly had been all in my head. And if I told him about my feelings now, what would he say? Would it ruin things between us?
Or, worse, would he go along with it the same way he’d gone along with every other request of mine?You didn’tgive him a choice, Raelynn had said.But you never do, do you?
I was suddenly grateful Junie had knocked over the water earlier. If I’d given my drawing to Jamie when he had zero feelings for me, what would’ve happened? Would he even know how to say no to me? The thought made something inside me cave in. I didn’t want a relationship Jamie agreed to out of guilt. Or obligation. Or because he cared about me too much to hurt me properly.
“Right.” I barely got the word out. “It was all fake.”
Jamie rocked on his heels a little, jaw working as he still didn’t look at me. A sick, sinking dread spread through my chest. The only time we’d ever come close to being this serious was when we’d argued about college, but even that felt survivable. This didn’t. This felt like standing there and realizing something between us had already broken beyond repair.
And it was all my fault.
Jamie still didn’t look at me. “I want to be done.”
“Done?”
“With this. Us.” His chest hitched. “The fake relationship. I don’t want to do it anymore. And I’m sure you don’t either, if you’re sneaking out to be with Dalton behind our backs.”
The denial sat at the tip of my tongue,that wasn’t what was happening, but I didn’t say it. It didn’t matter, and for the first time in his life, Jamie was telling me no. My throat closed. “Okay.”
“I’ll ask Nell how she thinks we should break up, so it doesn’t look bad on either of us.” His head turned backtoward me, but he flinched away again, as if he couldn’t bear to look me in the eye. “But unless you want everyone thinking you’re a cheater, you should probably stay away from Dalton until we break up. Or fake break up. Or… whatever. And hopefully he keeps his mouth shut.”
I wrapped my arms around myself, but it didn’t do anything to keep me together.
“Tell the kids I said bye,” he said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, starting down the driveway. “And tell Penn thanks for helping me fix the pothole.”
My eyes darted to the spot in the driveway where the pothole should’ve been, finding a dark patch of still-drying concrete in its place. The sight of it caused my chest to crack further, even more when he walked past it. That was why he’d skipped book club—to fix the hole in our driveway that’d been there since winter.
