I understood Nellie a bit more now, saying it was cringey when she talked about liking Beck. It was nothing short of mortifying, sitting next to my best friend and confessing to her I had feelings for her twin brother. But I didn’t want to keep secrets from her—not anymore.
“You—you like—you—” Nellie sputtered for something to say, mouth opening and shutting. And then she let out a breathy sound of offense. “Why don’t either of you tell me things?”
“I’m telling you now.”
“Yeah,delayed.” Another realization hit her, her jaw dropping further. “So all those questions about my butterflies for Beck—you were asking because you felt them forJamie?”
I shrugged my shoulders up toward my ears. Maybe some secretswereokay between friends. “It doesn’t really matter anyway. He wants to be done with it all, and if he wants to end it, we end it.” I pushed off from the pebbles and used the momentum to swing, letting the small amount of breeze dry the stinging in my eyes. “It’s like you said, there’s not really a point to keep it going, anyway.”
“Daisy, if you like him?—”
“I’m not going to tell him.” I ignored the look she gaveme, instead focusing on Ivy as her hair spun out on the merry-go-round. “Jamie is a people pleaser. I don’t want him to go along with it because he feels bad for turning me down.”
“But I really think he?—”
“He already said he doesn’t like me like that.”
Nellie rocked back in her swing, the surprise twisting her face once more. “Really? He said that?”
I want my first kiss to be real, he’d said Wednesday night.And with you, it wouldn’t have been.“Yes.”
For a moment, both of us were quiet. Nellie’s gaze was unseeing as she absorbed everything, and I felt awkward under the weight of my overshare. This was new for us—talking about feelings, laying it all out there—and despite it being slightly embarrassing, I liked that I could go to her to get things off my chest. Moving forward, I’d be sure to do it more often.
“So you can come up with a plan?” I said after our silence stretched long enough that my momentum on the swing slowed. “A way both of us make it out without looking like the bad guy?”
Nellie watched me with the small frown still on her face, eyes sad. “Yeah.”
“And you won’t tell Jamie what I said? About… liking him?”
“Even though I think it’s dumb to keep it a secret?” She let out a loud sigh, but pushed off the pebbles too, swinging with me. “Yeah. Just know that if youdidtell him, I’d approve. I’d be slightly nauseous, but I’d approve.”
“Spell it,” I told her, hoping it’d wipe away her frown.
“D-U-M-B.”
“I meant nauseous.”
“Nellie!” Theo called from the top of the wooden tower he stood on. His head barely cleared the ledge, and he waved his hands to catch her attention. “Will you come be the princess in our game?”
She hopped out of the swing mid-pump, sticking the landing. “Coming!”
“Daisy, can you be the dragon?” Theo called to me next.
“Oh, sure,” I muttered, grinding to a halt. “Nellie gets to be the pretty princess, and I get to be the ugly dragon.”
Nellie let out a musical laugh, irking me. “No one said anything about being ugly.”
“Ask Theo—dragons are always ugly.”
“You’ll always be beautiful to me.” Nellie grinned down at me. “B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.”
I snorted, but nudged her anyway, feeling a little bit lighter. “All the kissing up won’t save you. As a dragon, I’m going to eat you first.”
With a squeal, she hurried off toward the wooden playground.
I felt good about our chat, and the plan moving forward. I could handle keeping my feelings to myself. I’d done an amazing job at it the past year, putting on a brave face about Dalton when I’d still been thinking about him. I could do the same with Jamie. I could tuck him into a little box in my head, let myself be content with drawing him, and nothing more.
With that thought in mind, I went off to be the dragon in my little brother’s story.
