“So if anyone tells you they’re the Big Bad Wolf, you can tell them to Huff and Puff all they want!”
The two twins started laughing with glee, blowing at each other.
“We want to be big bad wolfs,” said Brady.
“Well, better get practicing those huffs and puffs, then!” Lily laughed, and the two twins ran off. She turned to Simon.
There was a strange look on his face. She raised an eyebrow.
“I like your version of the story,” he said.
She smiled. It was an odd thing to say, but he was getting better at talking to her, so it was all good.
* * *
Jordy wanted to throw up a little, but she forced the gorge back down and pasted a wide smile on her face. Lord Cypher, really a scrawny kid named Noah Folger from some tiny buttfuck of a town in Florida, was looking at her with a “‘bout time you succumbed to my charms’expression. Which he had doubtlessly spent countless hours perfecting in a bathroom mirror. Jordy’s internal viewscreen displayed the designation: LOSER.
She was looking straight at a bad case of the Napoleon complex, made worse with a severe overlay of Know-it-all-itus: a small guy among the Faire’s he-men and Viking cosplayers who stood only about five or six inches taller than Jordy. So he tried to over compensate for it by creating the persona of someone he thought was a lot more interesting, who spoke with wisdom and gravitas, who everyone revered and obeyed. Enter Lord Cypher, and his billowy shirts that were open to reveal the five curling hairs on his chest, the tight leather breeches, and damascus bladed knife that he kept in a scabbard hanging from his leather tooled belt. He walked as if invisible fans were blowing his scraggly, shoulder length hair, and matching scraggly hairs on his chin, like he studied the cover of a bodice ripper for inspiration.
In other words, he was a legend in his own mind.
He was perfect.
“Hey Cyph” Jordy said, pretending that she didn’t want to keel over and die.
“So I heardst about thine promotion,” he said. “Methinks congratulations be in order.”
“Oh yeah, thanks.” She swallowed. “I was hoping…I was hoping you would want to celebrate with me?”
He perked up. Even his shirt appeared to billow out more. Those five chest hairs seem to stand at attention. She couldn’t keep her eyes off of them. It was like coming across something once furry, decaying in the wild, except a lot less cool.
“Totally—I mean, verily, it wouldst be mine honor.”
It was a Herculean effort, but Jordy kept her eyeballs in place. Otherwise they’d be rolling up like venetian blinds during the daytime.
“Awesome! I was thinking maybe after midnight, when my shift ends.“ Jordy batted her eyelashes.
She was counting on the fact that as he was one of the Faire “entertainers” basically paid a daily fee to stay in character as they wandered about the Faire interacting with the attendees, “Lord Cypher” could make his own hours. And like other costumed characters, no brows would be raised if he just upped and left. Many such character-performers went from faire to faire throughout the year. Some quietly ghosted when the life of an itinerant Faire worker wasn’t doing it for them anymore.
Not to mention “Lord Cypher” didn’t have friends that would miss him, big surprise.
“Verily that wouldst be my honor!”
Could eyeballs explode from the strain of keeping them from rolling? Jordy was afraid she was about to find out.
“Do you still have your car?” She let slip a little bit of the Southern accent from one of her resident stops as an army brat, to bait the trap even more.
“Mine chariot is at thine service, fair lady!”
“Great.” She gave him a location to meet her, far from where anyone would notice them - or remember that Jordy was the last person to be seen with him alive.
* * *
Maybe Simon called it a “basic” car, but it was eons ahead of the POS that Lily had in the auto repair shop. It was a red Subaru SUV that had a few dents on the metal, but it was still this year’s model. She could almost make out the new car smell. That right there made it better than anything she had driven before.
One of the first things she did was change the music. And the volume. She liked her hearing, thankyouverymuch. She found a radio station she liked, and sang along with Jessie J’s “Masterpiece”, the anthem strangely apt for where her life had been going these past few weeks.
It was also a way to keep her mind off of Col, who she couldn’t help but hope to see in just a few moments.
