But when my secrets come to light, will she stay? Or will she look at me the way everyone else does? Will she see a monster? Or will she see a man who would do anything and everything to keep her safe and happy?
CHAPTER 22
CORALINE
Today, for the first time in a long time, I had the overwhelming urge to pick up a pencil. A paintbrush. My iPad. Even a notebook to pen new stories, bottling up inside my brain. I feel inspired, and I can’t contain my excitement.
I felt the need to dream again.
It’s also the first time I thought about what it would feel like to have my first one-night stand or to kiss a man I just met. I’ve never been the adventurous type.
Always too afraid. Always too scared to live. Always insecure.
But when Gavin talks or looks at me, I forget that I’m hurting and sad. I know we just met, but there’s a connection. One I can’t understand or justify, but only feel. My gut is telling me to chase after this feeling because life is too short, and I want to start living again.
I look up from the thriller book I found on Gavin’s bookshelf and sneak another glance at him. We’ve been avoiding each other throughout the cabin, but stealing glances all afternoon. He’s bending down, dressed in jeans, socks, with an all-black shirt that hugs his body so right. The veinsin his biceps bulge as he tosses another log into the fireplace. The flames swallow it, and orange sparks filter through. The crackles grow punchier and the flames longer.
The worst of the snowstorm is over. The roads will clear soon, and then I can leave. I flick my gaze to Gavin, who continues to sift through the wood with a metal pike. I know he’s doing it to pretend he’s busy. He’s been avoiding me ever since we nearly kissed outside. Or maybe it’s me who’s avoiding him, I don’t know.
But what I do know is that I don’t want to leave without knowing what Gavin tastes like. I twirl my wedding ring on my finger, which I’ve been holding onto since the separation.
To hell with Liam.
Our divorce will be finalized soon. I’m just waiting for him to sign the papers, which, for some odd reason, he’s been dodging for far too long already. I’m not going to let Liam steal another moment from me.
It’s time to let go. It’s time to go after things I want and right now, I want to kiss a handsome cowboy without feeling guilty about it.
Specifically Gavin.
I slide the ring off my finger. The wedding bands are soldered, so it all slides off with one slow pull. I thought my heart would crack as I did it, but I feel nothing. Nothing for the man I used to hold so high. I don’t feel anything because Gavin is showing me that real men exist. Men who uplift my dreams;not slander them into the ground. How is that a man I just met is already outdoing him in every single way?
I slide the ring into my jeans pocket and tug at my bottom lip. Before I can walk over to him, three loud knocks thunder through the house.
It has to be Merelyn or Georgia. I haven’t seen them in a few days.
Gavin beats me to it first. He unlocks the door and swings itopen. Merelyn stands there, alone, wrapped head to toe in warm clothing, nothing but her grey-blue orbs glowing against her fair skin. The wrinkles around her eyes crease as the tips of her lips curve upwards.
“I brought over Shepherd's Pie!” Merelyn holds up a tray wrapped in aluminum.
“So,Coraline Rosa. What do you paint?” Merelyn asks, genuinely curious. I can hear it in her voice.
Gavin told Merelyn everything from my name to my career, and how I ended up in Sleepy Coldwater attending the Holly Jolly Arty Event as she served us both.
“Mostly oil paintings. I like painting skeletons, flowers, and sometimes people. Drawing people is challenging, and I’m still learning, but I love it. Sometimes, I’ll get frustrated during the process, but it’s all worth it in the end. I have to remind myself to be patient, but as I said, it’s always worth it in the end.”
“You love what you do?”
“Yes. It’s been a privilege to do this. I love art. It’s…my outlet. A passion that reminds me every so often that I’ll be okay when I’m feeling like everything is too heavy, I pick up a pencil and get lost. I forget I’m hurting, even if it’s only for a few minutes, it helps.” I shake my head as I remember the moment I stopped dreaming and creating. I quit because I was forced into a hole, experiencing an unexpected affair. “But I stopped drawing. It’s been a couple of months since I created. Life lately has been…cruel, I guess.”
Maybe I’m oversharing, but I’m very passionate about what I do. I can’t help but get emotional over the thing that consistently saves my life—the one thing I can depend on. Art will never hurt me. It saves me, tugs on my heartstrings, and doesn’t stop playing until the darkness fades away. I don’t realize I’mtearing up until tears cling to my lashes and my vision blurs, unable to see. I dip my head forward and focus on the last little bit of food on my plate, and push it around with my fork.
I hate that I’m so emotional sometimes. I feel so deeply, and it gets me in trouble. I quickly regain my composure by blinking hard and fast.
Hopefully, Gavin doesn’t notice I’m having a moment. But when my eyes land on his face, my heart flips in my chest.He notices everything. Shit. I expect him to belittle me because Liam always did. He would constantly invalidate my feelings, making me feel crazy with an eye roll, or asking me to get over myself whenever I tried to go to him during moments of need. I don’t know why I stayed for so long, but I felt like all of this was normal…until it wasn’t.
Instead, Gavin matches my emotions with a frown, taking me by surprise. He seems empathetic, as he stares directly at me. Something brushes against my shoe, drawing my attention to the ground. I purse my lips, fighting back a cheery grin, when I realize it’s Gavin’s boot running against my toes, softly.
The gesture is understanding and thoughtful.
