“No, I wouldn’t do that. Then he’ll know someone is following him. Let’s just keep eyes on him.”
Duke reaches over and grabs my hand. My body feels frozen, and his skin is so warm.
“We’re going to follow him. When is he supposed to have them back to you?”
“By noon.” My voice is hoarse.
“It could be nothing. He’s breaking the agreement, leaving the county, but a judge is just gonna slap him on the wrist if that’s all he does. It’s got to be more than that if anything is going to stick,” Holden says calmly. “I’ll start following behind you.”
I feel like I’m going to be sick. I can’t see clearly out of the windshield to tell where we are.
“I’m right here. Try to breathe. We won’t let him hurt them or take them from you.” Duke squeezes my hand.
I cling to him, sucking in a sob.
“Duke, what do you need me to do? We’re on thin ice right now. You know that.” Holden’s voice is clipped.
“I’ll call you when I have something. We’ve still got a few hours before he’s so far that we know he’s not coming back.”
“All right. Let me know.” Holden ends the call.
Duke pulls me closer to him and kisses the top of my forehead. I cling to his side, my body feeling foreign and weak.
“Maybe he’s just going somewhere, and it’ll make sense when he gets there. We don’t know what he’s planning.” He says.
I press my face into his chest, trying not to let the tears take over. If I start crying now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.
“That’s what scares me …” I whisper.
“Listen, baby, I need you to tell me everything there is to know about what he’s capable of. Where do you think he’s going? Is he just being irresponsible, or could it be worse? You know him better than anyone else.”
I sit up, trying to gain control of myself.
“That’s the problem with Saruman. There is no predicting what he’ll do. He’s irrationally angry and cruel. I’ve never seen him outright physically hurt the boys, but he had me to bully before. Now …” My voice trails off as my mind swirls with the worst possible scenario.
“Saruman?”
“His code name, for when the boys are around.”
“I know it’s hard to talk about, but can you give me specifics?” He interlaces his fingerswith mine.
I bite my lip, staring out the windshield.
“Before I had the twins, he wasn’t that bad. He was a jerk sometimes, and we would fight a lot. But after they were born, they took so much of my time and attention away from him. Things changed after that.
“It was mostly threats. He got physical sometimes, but it was generally more warnings and using the fear he’d instilled in me as leverage. I was constantly wondering if he would follow through with the violence. He did strangle me one time, but that was the worst of it. Other times, he’d throw dishes at me and tell me that he was going to break my fingers if I didn’t clean it up. It was all just manipulation and coercion. He wanted to be in charge. He wanted my world to revolve around him.”
We’re getting closer to the location he has pulled up on his phone. His hand tightens on the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white.
“He never broke any of my bones or anything. I had bruises a few times from him, like, trying to fight me for my phone or shoving me into the bed, the wall?—”
“Oh, okay, well, if he didn’t break your bones and land you in the ER, then I guess it couldn’t have been that bad, huh?” His voice is dripping in sarcasm, his blue eyes darkening on the trailer ahead of us.
He speeds up to pass the truck and cattle trailer on the one-lane highway, the transmission groaning from the quick increase in speed.
He’s angry. Angry at what Matt did to me.
What if I exaggerated? What if I told it in a way that made it sound worse than it had been?
