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He’d given me spaceafter that, and silence, as we’d scrubbed and soaped ourselves.Probably assuming that I was busy working through my anger and emotional torment about how my relationship had fallen apart.Whereas in reality I was too preoccupied trying to figure out what these burgeoning feelings I was having for him might mean.
I’d spent so long trying to avoid the nudging my friends had given to “get back on the market,” that I’d allowed my guard to slip when I was at home.Presumed it would be safe ground.An opening that Kai had then slipped in through.
Was that such a bad thing?There was a part of me crying foul, certainly, but an equal part wondering whether that was more about having bought too far into the “single and broken-hearted” identity I’d created for myself after the breakup.An identity designed to protect my emotions, certainly, but which was now perhaps just stunting them.
At some point you have to let the shields down again, else they start to act like a tomb instead.Preventing you from getting out, instead of stopping other people getting in.If only it wasn’t so tough knowing which point that was.
“You could...stay over,” I said to him, as we each toweled ourselves.The fog of the shower still heavy in the air, making everything seem that little bit fuzzier.
Kai stared at me, gaze steady as he dried his chest.
“I can’t decide if you’re saying that because you want me to stay,” he said, eventually, “or because you think that’s what I want, and you’re too damn polite.”
I chuckled.“I don’t really know what you want,” I confessed, “or what I want, for that matter.”
“Well, I can only help with half of that,” he observed.
I flashed him a smile.“You can read my mind for me?”
Kai’s turn to laugh.“If only.No, I mean I can only tell you what I want.You just have to promise not to let that sway what you want, too.”
“Tall order,” I pointed out.
He gave me a half-shrug, as he scrubbed the towel under one arm.“Eventually you have to decide what it is you want to do, because you want to do it.Otherwise all this” - he glanced around, but I knew he meant more than just the house - “is just going through someone else’s motions.”
Turning away, I hung my towel up on the peg behind the door.“You make it all sound so easy,” I said, unable to stop the hint of frustration from working its way into my voice.I just had to hope that Kai would understand it really wasn’t him I was frustrated at.
“Baby steps, then,” he countered.
My ears hunted for it, but I could hear no trace of annoyance in his tone.I took a deep breath, then turned back around to face him.
“How about some dinner, then?”
Chapter Eight
