Every business had them, I was sure.Somewhere nebulous in their fifties or sixties; a barrel chest in a pinstripe suit.Laugh slightly too loud, and handshake a little too firm.They can’t all be called Chuck, or Steve, or Frank, but it sure seems that way.You don’t really know anything about them other than that they’re “a legend” in the industry, and that they either have a giggling blonde trophy wife or a mousy brunette that never says anything, and nothing in-between.
Ours was indeed called Chuck, and after being “entertained” with some less-than-politically-correct jokes at a previous work thing, I’d really been hoping not to have to endure the same here.Fate, clearly, was not on my side.
“Well, here’s a familiar face!”
It wasn’t like any of us were standing that far apart, so why did he need to boom like a platform announcer at an old train station?I knew that my face was probably the only thing that he’d recall, so I did the socially-expedient thing and introduced myself again so that he could bellow “of course, I knew that!”and thus impress us all with his powerful memory.
Cue the handshake that felt like he was trying to gauge the number of bones in my hand by squeezing them together.
“Now this, I’d say, is a new face,” he observed, turning to Kai.
I winced, inwardly.Sure, the handshake had been painful, but nothing quite so uncomfortable as I was imagining this next conversation would be.
And yet I couldn’t take the coward’s way out, and pretend Kai was just “some guy” I knew.Not after everything we’d just talked about.
I saw him glance at me, though, out of the corner of my eye.Probably wondering what I’d say.It wasn’t just Chuck here, either.As well as his wife - he’d gone for the “giggling blonde trophy” option - there was the usual periphery of hangers-on and industry-stalwarts-in-waiting.
It couldn’t be delayed any longer, and it seemed like there wasn’t going to be a timely fire alarm to save us all.“This is Kai,” I said, making sure to stare straight at Chuck as I said it.“My date.”
I fought the urge to look around, to see the reaction - if any - on the faces of the couples surrounding us.It was, I suddenly realized, a very animal-kingdom hierarchy.They’d probably all take their cue from Chuck, making the pause feel even more pregnant.
“Kai!Great name, mighty pleased to meet you,” Chuck bellowed, with a grin seemingly calculated to show perhaps too many over-straightened teeth.It was Kai’s turn for the pumping handshake.“Always great to meet new people at these things.I hope we haven’t been boring you with all this work-talk!”
“Not at all, sir, it’s been a good evening,” Kai replied, smoothly.I was almost too busy trying to replay what Chuck had said for any inkling of something less than positive, to actually hear him speak.
“’Sir’!Ha!No need for that, young man.”Chuck’s laugh was evidence that people really did guffaw, and it wasn’t just something you read in books.He half-turned to his wife.“Marcie, did you hear that?Man alive, now you tell me why our damn son can’t bring home one who’s handsome and polite with it, eh?Instead of all these deadbeat go-go dandies.”
Marcie shrugged, giggling and giving a pantomimed look of “darned if I know!”to Kai and I.Chuck turned back to us.
“Well, Tate, if you want to tell my son where you found this fella so he can head over there and hope that lightning strikes twice, be my guest!”They both laughed again, and now I heard the chuckles coming from around us, as the hangers-on and other assembled audience members joined in on the joke.
The joke - my overloaded brain was catching up to - being that Chuck and Marcie’s son was gay or at the very least was into men, that they were fine with that, but they wanted me to give him...dating advice?I wasn’t entirely sure what a “deadbeat go-go dandy” was, but it didn’t seem like the time to ask.
Kai was giving me a “you need to say something, idiot” look, and so I dragged my attention back into the moment.
“If I can figure out how I earned the good luck I had, I’ll be sure to sell classes in it.”
More laughs at that.
“So, Kai,” Chuck said, gesturing with his glass.Whiskey, of course.“What do you do, when you’re not leading our up-and-comers astray?”
I almost snorted at “up-and-comers” but just about controlled myself.
“I’m pre-med, sir.Just on summer break right now.”
“Pre-med!”Chuck’s volume levels weren’t exactly moderate at the best of times, but I thought he might be trying to get the attention of everyone in the room.He downed the rest of his drink like it was medically-prescribed, and turned to his wife again.“Marcie!You hear that?A goddamn doctor!You wanna get our damn son on the phone right now, or do I?”
She patted him on the arm.“I think the monthly ‘grow up’ scolding can probably wait until tomorrow, honey,” Marcie said, rolling her eyes theatrically at us over his shoulder.
Chuck wheeled back around to me.He was still gesticulating with the glass, but now at least I didn’t have to worry about getting doused in liquor in the process.
“Tate, you need to put a ring on this one, ASAP!”He pronounced it “A-sap,” like a military commander.“Don’t you dare let him get away, else damn, I might have to marry him myself!”
More laughs from the audience.I felt my cheeks starting to flush; even though the teasing seemed good-natured, it was still a lot to be made the center of attention like this.Definitely outside of my usual comfort zone.
I wasn’t sure if Kai realized that, or if he was just playing up his new-found role of “perfect son-in-law candidate,” but he rescued me either way.
“Looks like you need a fresh drink, sir.”He held out his hand for Chuck’s glass.“Can I get you a refill?Marcie?”
