“You don’t have to worry,” I blurted out, before he could continue.My voice a little louder than I intended, trying to steady my anxiety with sheer volume.Thinking that, despite all he’d said, maybe I could just tear off that sticking plaster and make it so much easier for the both of us.
His gaze on me had a weight of its own.“I don’t...I don’t understand what you mean,” he said, eventually.
My smile felt tight.Brittle.“I’m just saying, we both know the score.School is starting back up and this was the summer thing.But...”I took a deep breath; forced myself to turn to him and fix something I hoped looked like a placid expression onto my face.“But we both knew this wouldn’t be forever, right?”
It was difficult, almost impossible even, to keep the smile in place under the intensity of his stare.I could feel the muscles at the corners of my mouth twitching.
“I...I mean, if that’s...”Kai paused.“Okay.”
He looked away, then, and for a while we just bobbed alongside each other in the water.The sounds of the lunch crowd beginning to thin out now, as people went back to the rest of their day.The time for fun over; the real-world unavoidable.
I looked up at the oversized clock on the wall.It was closer to the next session than I’d thought.
“I need to go back,” I told him, glancing around us for the closest ladder.He made to move, but I stopped him with a hand on his forearm.“It’s okay, water-baby.You can stay in.”
It was hard to look him in the eye, what with the feelings boiling inside of me.Emotions of an intensity I wasn’t prepared for.
Kai nodded, slowly.“Sure, Tate.Okay.”
Every time I tried to look at his face directly, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach made me turn away.I couldn’t handle him trying to say something comforting.
Instead I kicked away, over to the ladder, and pulled myself out of the water.Waved at him, and got a small wave in return.Then tried not to turn back as I walked over to the locker room.
Chapter Nineteen
My hair had still beendamp as I took a seat in the back of the hall, but I had plenty of time to feel it slowly drying over the course of two, three, and then four interminable presentations.My notes little more than the titles of the session and then a few abortive sentences.Only the fear of having to awkwardly explain at the office kept me from ditching, that and not knowing how things would be with Kai when I got back to the room.
Finally, though, that time could no longer be avoided.As I slowly walked down the corridor from the elevator, I tried to steel myself inside.String my jumbled thoughts together, into something I could cling to.
It had been a summer fling.The sex had been great.I’d had a chance to be with a guy far, far out of my league.Nothing like that lasts forever.And, maybe most important, for the love of all that’s good and holy, Tate, don’t be a fucking downer about this for the rest of the trip.
A deep breath, as I slid my keycard into the lock and pushed open the door.Kai was on the sofa by the window, flicking at his phone; he looked up, with a tentative half-smile as I stepped inside and dropped my bag.
“Hey,” he said, voice low.
I forced myself to give him as broad a smile as I could manage.“Hey to you, too,” I heard myself say.Corny, but better than nothing.“How was your afternoon?”
