I downloaded a program and scanned for viruses and malware, something that might indicate the scammer, who had given Elwood the computer, was monitoring him or scraping his data, but I found nothing. I performed standard checks and went through all the listed program details but came up empty-handed.
The laptop was a piece of junk. Whoever had previously owned it had stripped it to its bare bones before giving it to Elwood. If there was anything to find, it was buried too deeply for my skills to unearth it.
“Why give him a laptop?” Tallus asked, his breath ghosting my ear.
“I don’t know. Keep him happy?”
“Keep him quiet?”
“Maybe.”
“Check the search history.”
I scrolled through the endless websites Elwood had visited over the past couple of months. It was ridiculously long and eclectic. The man had been busy.
“Oh. I know.” Tallus giddily patted my shoulder. “Humor me. Go to Google and see what he recently asked it.”
“Why?”
“Elwood’s under the belief that thein-tra-netis all-knowing and he can ask it anything he wants, and it will gift him the answer on a silverplatter.”
“Good grief.”
I opened a new tab and went to the homepage, which had been set as the Google search engine. All I had to do was activate the box, and a long list of his recently typed questions appeared.
How do I make my penis look younger?
Is my penis shrinking because it looks smaller?
How do I work the email machine?
Does the email machine need stamps?
Is booking my face the same as booking a plane ticket?
How do I make my arthritis go away?
Where did I put my glasses?
What is a Swifty?
Who is Taylor Swift?
Who is answering my questions?
How do you know everything?
What’s my name, dumbass?
Are you God?
“For a smart guy, he’s not too bright,” I said, chuckling. “He doesn’t realize, his preciousin-tra-netis the biggest scam going. The world’s greatest encyclopedia and home to millions of con artists who’ll talk you out of your life savings without blinking an eye.”
“True, but this isn’t how he lost his money.”
“No.” I leaned back in my chair.
Tallus rested his chin on the top of my head, wrapping his arms around my neck. “What now, Guns?”
