In under two minutes, the whole thing devolved into a he-said-she-said scenario with lots of finger-pointing. It was exactly the kind of drama Charles wanted, and I had a feeling he was pulling puppet strings in the background to ensure we delivered.
Ozrik dove into the middle of the argument, and I blended with the paint, successfully going unnoticed. Why didn’t we find a tornado? Who was to blame? What could we have done differently?
Vern was too eager.
Roe misread the radar.
Lex took a wrong turn.
Maggie didn’t relay the right information.
Olivia didn’t listen.
Jazz was blameless, just ask him, but he pointed a finger at me more than once, saying that if I hadn’t been so stubborn about crowding and demanded going alone, we would have left sooner and found action.
Hugh and Lex had to hold Ozrik back when he launched at Jazz.
By the time we were dismissed, it was close to eleven. Vern suggested a bar and drinks, but only Maggie seemed interested in joining him. The two took off, while everyone else dispersed to their assigned rooms.
Ozrik caught my eye as he unlocked his door. His expression didn’t change, but I read between the lines. The invitation stood. Unsure how to respond, I ducked my chin and followed Noah into our room.
I didn’t know Noah from Adam. We didn’t share much conversation as we took turns using the bathroom. He asked what took us so long to get back, and I shrugged, muttering something about a wrong turn.
After that, we didn’t speak.
Noah’s headache must have been ailing him. He took a few Tylenols and crashed right away. Not once did he complain that I kept a light on to read. Dickens didn’t hold my attention. My head was a roaring hurricane. After I was sure Noah was asleep, I shut the light off and lay in silence, listening to him breathe as the minutes ticked by, and my mind spun.
My heart wouldn’t calm as I went through scenarios of what might happen if I went to Ozrik’s room. Would we have sex? I had no doubt he wanted to. That was the point of the invitation, wasn’t it? Part of me wanted to as well, but part of me was afraidmy inexperience would ruin it, and I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye after.
In the back reaches of my brain, I couldn’t help wondering if it would all end in disaster. I blamed my past. It happened once. Why not again? Who was to say Ozrik would act differently?
Once I’d thought myself into a knot and nearly made myself sick, I faced my options. Stay put, ignoring the invitation, which meant possibly remaining a virgin for the rest of my life, or risk it all, step off that imaginary ledge, and trust Ozrik was a decent person.
I pinched my eyes shut and said a short prayer, asking for guidance, answers, or courage. Something to help me decide what to do.
God had never answered me in the past, so I wasn’t surprised when He didn’t answer me now.
25
Ozrik
An hour passed. Two. I heard nothing from next door and was fast giving up hope. I was disappointed but not surprised. Gale’s inner struggles weren’t hidden. The man seemed barely capable of accepting his sexuality, never mind acting on it.
Filling time, I reluctantly texted my mother to let her know I was alive. Despite the late hour, Stella was in a state of worry. Guilt sucker punched me. We texted for forty minutes, and I played the dutiful son, reassuring her, placating her, and promising to spend time at home once I returned.
I ran out of steam shortly after two in the morning. When I expressed how tired I was, she gladly let me go, reminding me how not sleeping enough could negatively impact my health.
Stella was hard to love, but she was my mother. Regardless of what happened with the show, I had to convince her to get help. Abandoning her wasn’t the answer, but I couldn’t live like this much longer.
During the time I was occupied with my mother, I hadn’t heard a thing from the neighboring room.
Gale wasn’t coming.
Admitting defeat, I stared at the ceiling as the city noise lulled me to sleep. A short time later, a noise roused me, and I opened my eyes to find someone standing at the end of the bed. I startled with a shout and scrambled upright, not slotting the pieces together fast enough.
“Jesus fuck.” I clutched my chest. “Why are you just standing there? That’s creepy as shit.”
“I’m sorry.” Gale backed up a step. “You were asleep and… I didn’t mean to wake you.”
