Gale took an eternity to decide. He studied my face, glanced at my extended hand, and stared back in the direction of the house that was out of sight. Distress marked every inch of his face.
After several minutes, I lowered my hand, accepting that it was not something he could do. I wouldn’t admit to being disappointed, but deep down, I was.
“Have a good night, Gale. Thanks for listening.”
As I walked away, his thin voice called out, “Wait.”
I turned. He was in shadow, but a hint of moonlight glimmered in his eyes.
“I want to try again. I…” He shook his head. “I don’t know how to do this. I’m…”
I suspected the missing word wasafraid, but he didn’t say it.
Gale held eye contact as I closed the distance. Tension radiated off him in waves.
I stopped when we were toe-to-toe. An owl hooted somewhere in the distance.
Slowly, I raised a hand and brushed the back of my fingers over his jaw. He flinched but didn’t move away.
“Are you sure?”
Gale offered the faintest nod, so I kissed him.
21
Gale
Avoice in the back of my brain said I was making a huge mistake, but I didn’t have the capacity to listen. After the torment of the past few days, Ozrik had shown up at my door and announced that everything that had transpired in the Jeep was authentic. It was not a sick joke that would come back and slap me in the face when I least expected it.
Hewantedto kiss me.
Again.
For what it was worth, I believed him. Maybe I was a fool, but I was a lonely, closeted fool who had been fantasizing about this guy for weeks.
His mouth was soft, his approach gentle. I tasted reservation and did my best to act like I knew what I was doing. No, it was not my first kiss, but the first and last time I’d breached this line with someone, it ended in disaster.
I suspected Ozrik was far more experienced. Our tongues glanced once, then twice, but he didn’t advance. He didn’t push.His hand remained on my face, and he kept inches between us. Did he know what this simple act did to me?
My body sang and ached with all I’d deprived it of these past few days in my quest to avoid all thoughts of Ozrik. Unfortunately, that denial had made the situation far worse. One kiss, and my blood surged. Things… happened, like before, and since I didn’t want fresh mortification to ruin the moment, I ended the kiss and stepped back.
Ozrik didn’t stop my retreat but studied me. “Are you okay?”
No, I wanted to say. My galloping heart wanted to break through the cavity of my chest, and I feared my jogging pants weren’t doing me any favors. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to my nether regions by tugging my shirt lower. But things below… stood out.
“I’m not sure what happens now,” I said instead.
“What do you want to have happen?”
“I… I don’t know.”
Nor was I sure what Ozrik was offering. I might have accepted that I was gay a long time ago, but I still hadn’t come to terms with it enough to have a relationship or tell my family, for that matter. Never mind engaging in sex. Oh, the fantasies were fantastic, but the real thing? Not that I didn’t want to try. Some day. Sooner than later would be nice, but…
It was too much to process.
Besides, Ozrik struck me as someone who was not only highly skilled in such endeavors but also took a casual approach to that type of thing. Olivia had called him a player, and I could see that. Was that all he wanted? Sex?
I couldn’t think.
