As expected, Xander already signed his contract. I was there when he did, watching with envy, yes, but also pride. I would have never believed it a few months ago, but seeing his awe over having his name printed out on top of the first page actually made my own heart jump with excitement.
I don’t know who will give me a chance once the Rebels officially drop me—with my injury and the current trouble around the Badgers, I don’t expect any other NHL team to pick me up as a free agent. But I might be able to snag a spot on an AHL roster before having to look at European leagues.
“Yes, yes, epic goal. So sad you lost, Nicko. Now can wepleaseleave this place? My balls are freezing off,” Oliver complains, which earns him a stern reprimand from Linden about tact and empathy. They pack up their signs and banners while Nate is rounding up our parents. Mom tries to make eye contact with me several times, but my brother practically pulls her away while animatedly chatting about the call he had with the Utonagans’ offensive coordinator.
“Are you riding home with us?” Dad wants to know, and I hesitate for a moment, then shake my head.
“No,” I say, “I’ll be with the team.”
Dad nods in understanding. “Talk tomorrow then?” he asks, and I give him a thumbs up before he turns around to trail after my mom and brother.
And with that, Xander is the only one left on B-Tech’s side of the rink.
“Hey,” he murmurs, finally stepping closer and placing a hand on his side of the divider. A small smile tugs on my lips, and I bring my glove up as well.
“Hey.” My voice is barely audible over Michigan’s party music, but it also means no one is paying us any attention.
“How do you feel?”
I close my eyes at his question, leaning forward so my helmet knocks against the plexiglass. “Tired,” I say. “Really, really tired.”
And scared. I don’t say that last part out loud. I knew this moment would come: the end of my season. And while I hammered out a rough plan for my future, this thing between Xander and me finally reached its end. It feels strange, not only because of the past months but years. Even when we could barely stand being in the same room, he was a constant in my life, a corner of my mind always reserved for him.
“I can imagine,” he laughs, but the sound is hollow, the smile on his lips just an empty upward curve that doesn’t reach his eyes.
We both linger in silence, too aware that when we break away, this will be it.
Season’s end.
The final horn.
Thrice Xander opens his mouth then closes it again without speaking a word. Every time I hold my breath, longing for him to say something and afraid of it at the same time.
We stay like this until the Michigan players start leaving the ice, throwing long glances back at us. I’m surprised Coach hasn’t come out to drag me off to the showers yet, half worrying they might have left without me.
Finally, Xander clears his throat. “You should probably go and refuel. Get a warm shower.”
My chest tightens beneath my pads, but I give an automatic nod as I drop my glove from the plexiglass.
“Yeah,” I agree as I roll my shoulders awkwardly. “I should.”
“I guess...I will see you around?”
“Maybe,” I say, already dreading my visits to Nate. He will have to come to the Nook more often now—my roommates kept asking about him anyway. Apparently, they have a rerun of America’s Next Top Model to finish.
“Okay, so...take care.”
“You too.”
And with that, I push myself off the boards.
***
The drive back to campus is a quiet affair. Even with a hint of relief surrounding us, a loss is still a loss, and there will be a lot of fallout to deal with. But I won’t be part of that, and I almost regret it.
I only pull my phone out to let my parents know that we have made it back safely. It’s been on airplane mode for the game, so now there’s a flood of incoming messages and notifications that I all swipe away without opening them. My heart aches when I catch the preview of the Nook’s group chat, Oliver letting me know that the house is mine for the night.
Use it wisely ;)
