And all I could think was:I came too late.
Too late to stop it.
Too late to protect him.
Too late to deserve the way his fingers still clutched weakly at my armor.
My throat tightens again as another sob forces its way out. I press the heel of my hand to my mouth, trying to muffle it, but the sound escapes anyway, raw and humiliating in the quiet library.
Because while he starved in chains, wondering why I never came, I was eatingpie.
It’s sickening.
I don’t deserve my soft bed and comfortable rooms. I don’t deserve the love of my family, nor a single smile from my beloved after I failed him so completely.
I’m a fraud.
I get the faintest rustle of warning before my sister’s voice disturbs the silence like a chime. “Tristan?”
I try to rub the tears away in panic, but I can’t seem to do that fast enough, and the sobs just keep coming.
“I’m… f-fine,” I utter even though I’m clearly the opposite of that.
A soft sigh, and then she comes closer, like she always would when I was still a child and she—a young lady. But I’ve since grown out of the need for coddling. I’m a grown man. A prince of the realm. A knight. But when my sister sinks to the floor next to me and puts her arm around my shoulders, tears flow even harder, and I let her pull my head closer
“Oh, Tristan… what is causing this?”
Words pour out of me, because who else would I be able to tell any of this? “H-he hates me, and I d-deserve it. I failed h-him. I got to the tower yesterday, and I found him all broken and hurt. Gloombane tortured him, Sabine. Fortwo months. For two months he suffered so terribly, and I’m the one who left him there. I assured him everything would be fine. I promised him.”
Sabine’s quiet, and her silence feels like yet another accusation. I am a fraud. I am not worthy even of the cloak on my back, and I can’t blame Nate if he chooses to never speak to me again.
I wouldn’t have.
How foolish was it to hope he could forget all his suffering and move on to become my Dark Companion?
“It’s not your fault, Tristan,” Sabine tries, rubbing my shoulder with her soft hand. “You couldn’t have known. There was no reason to doubt Captain Gloombane’s character.”
Only there was. And I ignored it.
“After I pulled Nate out of the river, Gloombane saw Nate’s shadow and told me to throw him back in. I pressured him to—”
“Wait. What?Youpulled out Nate?”
I stall, because it doesn’t seem to matter when it was Gloombane who bonded with Nate. “Yes. It was a long night, I was helping. I always try to help, only for it to end up a disaster. And I did it again, Sabine. Gloombane’s dead, so I took a thread of Nate’s shadow and made him my promised, so no one could hurt him again. But I didn’t ask. And now we’re stuck, and the bond is the last thing he wants after what he’s been through.”
Sabine shakes her head and takes her arm away to rub at her face as she stares ahead, toward the sculpture of Lord Kyran’s mother. “Then you did right a wrong. If you were the one to save him, he was never Captain Gloombane’s to begin with. Destiny brought you together. He will yet come around,” she says in a soothing whisper.
I let out a trembling breath. “You don’t understand the depth of my mistakes. I promised him that if it’s his wish, I will find a way to break the shadow bond.”
She frowns, eyes whipping my way. “Tristan. You know that’s impossible.”
“I know! But I’d promise him anything. So I lied. Once more I promised what I can’t give. I’m fucking useless. I guess there is one way I could rid him of the bond. Gloombane’s proof that it works. At least I’d be true to my word.” I have to bite my cheek to keep in another sob.
I could do it even tonight. Just stand at the top of the highest tower in the castle and jump onto the rocks below. It’s low tide. I’d be gone before I could suffer any further, and Nate would be free to live out the rest of his life as a free man.
I could give that to him. The ultimate proof of my commitment.
Save both him and my honor in one swoop.
